


falling for you

by merryofsoul



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking Up & Making Up, Character Growth, Found Family, Friendship, Get Together, Homesickness, Josh grows into himself in this fic and Jeonghan grows too, Josh y/n Hong, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Idol Joshua, Slow Burn, discussion of boundaries and skinship, idol jeonghan, side Junhui/Minghao, side Seungcheol/Soonyoung, side Wonwoo/Seokmin, this fic starts at the 2018 LA KCON, this is like a y/n fantasy but plausible bc josh literally got street casted in LA, to put it mildly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-09-30 10:11:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 48,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20445428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryofsoul/pseuds/merryofsoul
Summary: Just a typical college student, Joshua never expects to randomly bump into a K-pop idol on the street and fall in love...unless?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has taken me...such a long time. Around this time last year I had just finished posting my long namkook and I said no more long wips!! But then svt came for me personally, so here we are. This fic has spanned at least three seasons, two states, and a summer class, so I'm just relieved and happy that I'm finally posting. 
> 
> Thank you to tullycat, helicases, and karlarado for listening to me complain (a lot). Thank you to helicases for the beta, and tullycat for the beta _and_ the moodboard 😭❤️ And another thank you to tullycat for walking me through so many plot changes and encouraging me to finish when I kept thinking that but maybe I just...wouldn’t. This fic wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for her, so if you like it, make sure you thank her too. 
> 
> Title from their duet! 💖

Joshua finishes unlocking his bike and is choosing a playlist for the ride home when he hears a loud burst of conversation behind him. He turns to see a group of guys around his age emerge from the Starbucks where Joshua had just spent the entire afternoon. Their jokes interrupt the steady stream of _accommodation request deadline, recommendation letter deadline, course request deadline,_ that’s been running through Joshua’s head for the entire day, and the days and months before that. He’d finally finished one reference form while he was inside, but that just means he has a million other things to do. 

“A full order in English,” one guys says. “I’m so proud.”

“Ah, stop,” another guy mutters. “It was so hard. I’m sweating.”

“Which way are we supposed to go now?” a third guy asks. There’s some muttering between them and it clicks into place in Joshua’s mind that they’ve been speaking in Korean this entire time. 

Joshua watches them huddle around one of their phones. They must be tourists or international students from one of the universities. Realizing one of the guys is looking back, Joshua flashes him a brief smile in apology for his staring and turns back to his task. He tucks his lock away in his backpack and pulls his bike free. He’s about to swing his leg over and ride off, but something stops him. He looks at the guys again, still muttering to each other with increasingly worried looks on their faces. 

Just as he’s deciding to go over and see if he can help, the same guy from before looks up and smiles brightly at him. It’s charming, but there’s a slight nervous edge to it, which is explained when he starts to speak. 

“Hello!” The guy trills in cheerful English, sun painting golden streaks in his auburn hair. He points at Joshua’s UCLA sweatshirt. “Do you know Staples Center?”

“Uh, yeah,” Joshua responds. 

“Oh good,” the guy says, then turns to his companions and says in Korean, “How the fuck do I ask him how to get there?”

Joshua snorts, and the guy looks back at him in surprise. 

“I actually speak Korean,” Joshua says. The relief that dawns on their faces is palpable. “I can tell you how to get there.”

“Please,” the guy holding the drink carrier says. “We’re going to be so late.”

Joshua rolls his bike closer so he can talk to them easier. One of them still has the map up on his phone and Joshua makes a face at it. 

“That’ll help you go in the right direction but I know a quicker way.” He starts to explain the twists and turns of the streets to the shorter guy holding the phone. He points and gestures a lot and wonders if any of it is making sense when he catches the auburn haired guy watching him intently. Joshua suddenly becomes self-conscious about his Korean, because he can’t remember the last time he spoke it with anyone other than his family and their friends who are used to his American accent. He’s been known to code switch too, and wonders if he accidentally slipped back in English for part of the directions, but the guy holding the phone doesn’t seem to be confused. 

But still, the auburn haired guy is staring at Joshua so intently that he stumbles over his words. The guy looks away quickly and it takes Joshua a second, but he regains his train of thought and finishes sharing the directions. 

“Are you guys here for a while?” Joshua asks as he steps back. “Like at one of the universities?”

“Ah, no,” the auburn haired guy says. “We’re just here for a visit.”

“Well do you want my number?” Joshua asks. The guy looks at him in surprise and then over to his companions, wide-eyed. Joshua blushes when he realizes how that sounded. “Oh my god. I meant in case you needed directions again.” 

“That would be great,” the guy with the round cheeks says, and widens his eyes at the guy with auburn hair. He slides his phone out of his back pocket and hands it over to Joshua, who plugs his number in with quick fingers. He’s still a little flushed with embarrassment that this guy thought he was trying to pull a smooth line on him. Not that Joshua wouldn’t want to — this guy is one of the most beautiful people Joshua has ever seen — but he really was just trying to be helpful. 

“Do you have KaTalk?” The guy asks. Joshua nods as he hands the phone back. 

“Yeah, I use it to talk to some of my family.”

“Joshua,” the guy repeats, reading from the phone. His voice wavers as he struggles with the unfamiliar syllables. Joshua bites his lip to keep from smiling. He doesn’t want the guy to think he’s making fun of him. 

“I’m Seungkwan,” the guy with the round cheeks says, holding his hand out to Joshua who takes it with a bemused smile. “This is Jeonghan,” he gestured to the guy that Joshua just gave his phone number to, and then to his right to the guy holding the phone with the original map. “And this is Jihoon. Thank you so much for helping us. Really.”

“It’s no problem,” Joshua says. He smiles at the three guys before finally mounting his bike. “Have a good rest of your trip!”

With that, he pushes off and starts on his way, the thoughts of his looming deadlines already filtering back into his brain. 

*

**Jaehyung**  
_Hey i have an extra ticket to a thing tonight, you in?_

**Joshua**  
_Sure_ 😊

“This is wild.”

“Isn’t it?” Jaehyung asks. 

“What’s their name again?” Joshua asks as he follows Jaehyung to their seats. He’s not sure how much actual sitting they’ll be doing though. The level of excitement in the arena is something he’s never quite felt before, and he doesn’t think any of these people will be able to stay contained to their seats. 

“Yo, dude. You don’t know Seventeen?” Jaehyung asks. “I know you listen to K-pop.”

Joshua laughs a little. Yes he does listen to K-pop, but it’s not like he’s in love with any particular group. He does know EXO, but it’s been a long time since he checked to see if they’ve even released anything new. He knows he’s definitely heard BTS in some cafes in Koreatown. He might’ve heard Seventeen without realizing it. 

“I don’t think so,” Joshua admits.

“You’ll like them,” Jaehyung says. 

Excited screams rise up in the crowd as the lights dim and the screens overhead start to play a video. Jaehyung lets out a loud whoop of excitement next to him, and Joshua feels his excitement and the vibe of the room infect him as he stands there. Soon enough he’s grinning and anticipating the coming stage with the rest of the people around him.

It starts with a slower melody, a trio of guys rising up out of the middle of the stage and filling the arena with their sugar-sweet voices. The camera pans to show some close ups, and there's a tug of recognition as Joshua watches, but then the camera pans out again and it’s lost. 

The sweet melody transitions into something a lot more bass-heavy, and the audience goes wild as another trio of guys appear on stage. Joshua blinks in surprise at the change in tone and the leather harnesses the singers are wearing. 

“Wow,” Joshua says as the guys on stage rap in a mixture of Korean and English. 

“Told you,” Jaehyung says. 

A final trio appears on the center stage, replacing the original singers. They sing as well, but it’s accompanied by choreography that hurts Joshua’s spine just to look at. The audience goes the wildest for this performance, and Joshua can understand why.

“Tell me about the, what do they call them — units?” Joshua says as the group clears the stage and presumably disappears somewhere for a costume change. Jaehyung fills up the time the group is gone with different names and explanations. They appear on stage again soon after, one group this time and dressed in coordinating outfits that feature heavily on white pants. 

“Hey guys, what’s up? I’m Vernon,” one of the guys says, stepping forward. He seems to be the unofficial MC and translator for the group over the next half hour as they trade on and off from talking to the audience and performing songs. 

“You have to have heard this one,” Jaehyung says at one point, raising his voice to be heard above the music.

“Oh, okay yeah,” Joshua says, placing the song in his mind. He even remembers seeing a music video for this one, with summery colors and lots of sunflowers. “The bubble tea place is always playing this.”

“Alright we’re gonna do a dance with a member segment,” Vernon explains as the group spreads out on stage and waves to the audience. “The camera will be looking for you guys, so be ready!”

One member flashes up on screen, Vernon narrating in the background. “Who wants to dance with Woozi?” 

The member in question appears on the Jumbotron and Joshua double takes. The guy is short and his lemon-blond hair stands out, but there’s no way that he’s the same guy that Joshua talked to outside of Starbucks the day before. That would be too much of a coincidence. 

Joshua watches as Woozi dances on screen, matching the moves of the audience member perfectly, much to the delight of everyone in the building. A member named Mingyu goes next, but he doesn’t match his audience member’s moves as well as Woozi had. His face scrunches up in laughter, which sets off screams all around them.

Finally, the third member is selected, and Joshua thinks that maybe he does believe in coincidence after all. 

“Who wants to dance with Jeonghan?” Vernon asks as the camera makes its sweep. Joshua is still staring up at the Jumbotron in surprise when he realizes he’s staring at himself and Jaehyung on the screen. They’re off to the side, next to the audience members actually chosen to dance, but they’re still clearly on screen.

Jeonghan looks surprised at first at how well the fans next to Joshua know the moves, but joins in immediately. He’s laughing as he watches his own little screen, presumably displaying the fans and their surroundings, and then his laughter falters the longer he’s watching. He’s still grinning and dancing, but he’s suddenly taking peeks up and around the arena, as if he can see where they are. Joshua looks to the stage itself instead of the Jumbotron, and it almost feels like he and Jeonghan make eye contact for a split second. 

The song ends and the dancing segment is over, and Vernon says that they’ll be performing one last song before they finish up. Joshua barely hears him though, between the fans screaming excitedly all around him and focusing on the tiny figure of Jeonghan on stage. He’s standing close with another member and whispering intently in his ear. Joshua has a split second where he wonders if they’re talking about him, but then rolls his eyes at himself the next second. 

_Get over yourself, Joshua Hong,_ he thinks, and goes back to enjoying the performance. 

The crowd stays in the arena a while longer after Seventeen exits the stage for the final time, partially because of the lingering excitement, but also because the traffic of everyone trying to exit. Joshua and Jaehyung stay at their seats so they don’t get stuck in the crush.

“I gotta call someone real quick,” Jaehyung says, waving his phone and moving further down the row. “And then we can go eat?”

“Sure,” Joshua agrees, settling back down in his seat.

Jaehyung is still on the phone when a security guard shows up next to Joshua.

“We’re going!” Joshua says, jumping to his feet. He wonders why they’re being rushed when there are a lot of other people still in the venue. 

“Actually, can you please come with me?”

“Um, okay?” Joshua says. He shoots Jaehyung a confused look as he starts to follow the security guard out, and Jaehyung frowns and mouths, _what the fuck?_ Joshua shrugs, because he has no idea. 

The security guard leads him through a series of doors marked ‘Authorized Personnel Only’ and Joshua wonders if they’re really being taken to some half-assed detainment room. He finally breaks his silence when he’s led through a door, turning to talk to the security guard. 

“If this is about the water bottle I snuck in, I’m really sorry, it’s just that it’s so expensive here and—” he stops talking when he realizes the security guard hasn’t lead him to a holding room. Instead it’s a hastily organized backstage area, with a very familiar group of sweaty guys lounging around on some couches. 

“Oh,” Joshua says. “Hello?”

“Oh, he’s _cute_ cute,” someone mutters in Korean. “No wonder.”

“He speaks Korean, you idiot,” someone else hisses. 

“Hi,” a third person says, right at Joshua’s shoulder. 

Joshua startles at the voice so close to him, and turns to see who’s spoken to him. It’s Jeonghan. Jeonghan from Starbucks and Jeonghan from onstage. Joshua suddenly feels embarrassed thinking about the last time they saw each other, when Joshua offered Jeonghan his number. 

When he offered a K-pop idol his phone number, holy shit. 

“I wasn’t sure if it was you,” Jeonghan says. “I thought for sure you didn’t know who we were yesterday.”

“I don’t,” Joshua says. “I mean, I didn’t. Not really anyway. My friend had an extra ticket, so here I am.”

He realizes he’s babbling, but he can’t help it. Jeonghan is sweaty and beautiful and very, very close to him, and it’s making it hard to concentrate. 

“Ah.” Jeonghan think about this. “So you really weren’t a secret fan trying to give me your number.”

“_No,_” Joshua says, embarrassment flooding every part of his body. “I promise, I wasn’t.”

Jeonghan hums and looks at Joshua out of the corner of his eye. There’s enough of a smirk on his face for Joshua to tell that he’s messing around with Joshua, and it causes the embarrassment to die down a little. 

“What are they doing with their fingers?” Joshua asks as he watches a few of the other members take a picture together.

Jeonghan grins. “A heart? It’s like if you were holding a little heart between your fingers.” He holds his hand out to demonstrate. “Try it.”

Joshua holds his hand up next to Jeonghan’s and copies the gesture. He feels a little silly doing it, but it’s easy to get over it when everyone else is doing it too. He looks at Jeonghan’s fingers to make sure he’s doing it right and notices how small and cute Jeonghan’s hand is next to his. 

“Hearts for me?” one of the members says, grinning at the two of them. Jeonghan drops his hand with a scowl. 

“Not for you, Cheol-ah.”

“Only for Joshua,” someone mutters. Joshua doesn’t know whose mouth his name just came out of, and doesn’t know how they all seem to be looking at him like they know him.

“Why am I back here?” Joshua asks. Jeonghan is sticking next to him while the others chat to each other and the staff members organize and pack up their things. 

Jeonghan blinks at Joshua, and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. 

“Did I ask in English?” Joshua asks. “I’m sorry, it just happens sometimes.”

“No, I just—“

Seungkwan swoops in at that moment. “It was a random drawing! Aren’t you so lucky?” He places a gentle hand on Joshua’s arm and turns a grin to Jeonghan. “Isn’t it so unbelievable? This coincidence!” Seungkwan continues to go on about fate and kismet, but Joshua has a hard time following it. Jeonghan’s cheeks are still flushed from the performance, and he keeps darting quick looks at Joshua and looking away as their gazes keep accidentally meeting.

“We wanted to thank you again,” Woozi says, ruining Seungkwan’s explanation as he sidles up to Joshua’s side. Woozi who _is_ the Jihoon that Joshua met yesterday. Jeonghan has drawn Seungkwan off to the side and is muttering at him in low tones. Jihoon watches them bicker and rolls his eyes with a fond look on his face. 

“It was really nothing,” Joshua insists. 

Over to the side, Jeonghan laughs at something Seungkwan says and then yells, “Joshua-ssi!” Joshua’s heart flips over at the smile on Jeonghan’s face. “I want to introduce you to everyone.” 

Joshua thinks of Jaehyung left behind somewhere in the venue, and thinks, _he’s never going to believe this._

*

Joshua is no stranger to crushes. He’s had so many of them over the years that they’re not even worth keeping track of at this point. He also knows there’s no point in trying to fight it. That the best thing to do is to let it ride out until the infatuation passes and he can go back to living his normal life. 

This one is sticking, though. He’s not sure his stomach has stopped fluttering at the thought of Jeonghan and it’s been two weeks since he saw him. The whole group has to be back in Korea by now, so that doesn’t explain why Joshua wakes up to his phone vibrating one morning with a text that says, _Joshua, I need your help._

Joshua rubs his eyes as he tries to wrap head around the fact of this unknown number texting him. It takes him a second to read the text, too, because it’s in Hangul and while Joshua can speak fluent Korean, reading and writing Hangul is a little more rusty for him. 

**Unknown**  
_Please. It’s important._

**Joshua**  
_What’s the matter? Are you okay?_

**Unknown**  
_Haha yeah? I just need to know how you’d say this: ‘we’re getting lit’ or ‘were getting light’_

**Joshua**  
_What am I? Google?_

**Unknown**  
_You’re more accurate_  
_Please :(_

**Joshua**  
_Fine_  
_The first one_  
_Only it’d be ‘we gettin’ lit’_

**Unknown**  
_English is horrible_

**Joshua**  
😊

Joshua doesn’t get another quick response, and he laughs as he finally gets up for the day. Since Jeonghan wasn’t asking for directions — at least he’s assuming it’s Jeonghan — Joshua thinks it’s safe to assume that they’re back in Korea. He looks up the time difference, and sixteen hours between LA and Seoul means that it’s almost midnight in Seoul. He adds Seoul to his world clock tab and tries not to think any more about it.

But he gets another text around five in the evening that says, _This is Jeonghan, by the way. Seungcheol says I should’ve started with that._

It starts like that. 

He doesn’t expect it to continue, and it doesn’t. Not really. It’s sporadic texts here and there, usually Jeonghan using Joshua as his personal Google translate or sending him memes. In return, Joshua sends clips when he hears their songs on the radio or sends pictures of the beach when Jeonghan expresses jealousy that Joshua got to make a day trip. 

He knows it’s weird, because who is Joshua to be texting a freaking idol? But Jeonghan started it, and Jeonghan texts first, and Joshua responds and laughs more than he ever has when texting another person. The first time he initiates the conversation, it’s about something he thought of in the middle of the day — the middle of the night for Jeonghan — and he knows he won’t get a response right away. He knows it, yet it doesn’t stop him from freaking out and jumping every time his phone makes any sort of noise. He ends up burying his phone in his dresser and not checking it until the next morning. 

When he does, there’s a response from Jeonghan waiting, plus another message asking why it’s taking Joshua so long to text back.

“Who are you texting?” his mom asks as he sits at the table. She’s making him breakfast again, which Joshua loves. Once he goes abroad he won’t have this, so he’s going to soak up every bit of his mom’s love that he can get while he’s still here. 

“Oh, just this guy,” Joshua hedges, not sure how much detail to go into. “I met him last month when he needed directions and we’ve kind of become friends?”

“That’s nice,” his mom says as she flips the pancakes. “Where does he live?”

“Well, actually, he lives in Seoul.”

His mom turns to him in confusion. “He lives in Seoul but you gave him directions last month?”

“He was just visiting,” Joshua explains. His mom is giving him a look like she thinks it’s weird, and he doesn’t want to roll his eyes at her, but he does it internally. Still, more of an explanation might make her feel better, so he says, “He sings.”

“Oh,” his mom says. “One of those.”

Joshua keeps his sigh quiet. He doesn’t know why his mom has to say things like that. In that _tone._ The mom tone. He’s twenty-two years old and the tone still affects him. He thinks maybe it’ll always affect him. 

“Well maybe you can meet up with him in Seoul,” she suggests as she transfers the pancakes to a plate and brings them over to Joshua. “It’ll be good if you know someone there already.”

“I told you I already know some people,” Joshua says. “Sort of. The roommate ad I responded to?”

“Yes, the three strangers you’ll be living with, I remember,” his mom says darkly. 

“You were fine when I moved into the dorm with a stranger,” Joshua points out. 

“That was school-approved,” his mom counters. 

Point to mom. Joshua had looked at the roommate listings on the school-approved message board but everything he found was too expensive or too far from campus. With not much extra money and no car in Seoul, none of those listing would’ve worked, so Joshua had turned to other means. He found an ad looking for a fourth roommate in a house, and all the ad asked of him besides rent was to like cats. Joshua loves cats. It’s going to be great. 

Still, Joshua can’t lie. He is a little nervous to meet them. He’s texted them a bit and made arrangements via email, but he’s not sure what kind of people they’ll be in real life. 

“Why can’t you live with this boy you know?”

Joshua laughs before he can help himself and his mom looks at him, startled. 

“Mom, when I say he’s a singer I mean...he’s well known.” Joshua laughs a little as he thinks about it. “I’m surprised he’s even still texting me, that’s how busy he is.”

“I’m not surprised,” his mom says. Joshua must look surprised because she says, “What? You’re a nice boy and you helped him. Of course he wants to stay friends.”

“Nice boy,” Joshua mutters. That’s all anyone ever says about him, that he’s a nice boy. It’s his politeness and his shyness working together to make everyone think he’s so nice. 

“Being nice is a good thing,” his mom says. “Now eat.”

*

**_pledis_boos_** _has followed you back on Instagram_

Joshua clicks over to Instagram absently and clicks on the person, wondering who it could be. A familiar face looks out at him from the picture, round cheeks and bright smile on fully display. 

“Oh my god,” Joshua says, realizing Boo Seungkwan from Seventeen has followed him. “How. _How?”_

He clicks over to his profile just as a few more notifications pop up: **_xuminghao_o, min9yu_k,_** _and_ **_chwenotchew_** _have followed you back on Instagram._

Joshua thinks quickly. He’d followed Seventeen’s official Instagram a few days after he met them and they’d popped up in his suggestions — thank you creepy Instagram algorithms — and when it had suggested the other members, he’d followed them too. And promptly forgotten about it. How did they know he had an Instagram and that he’d followed them? 

He thinks hard. He hasn’t posted anything lately. The only thing he remembers doing lately was screenshotting a post from a food account and sending it to Jeonghan when he’d asked for dinner recommendations. He looks at the screenshot again and sure enough, right next to the little red heart that indicates he’d liked the picture, is his handle: **joshuahong951230.**

**Joshua**  
_That’s some expert level creeping_

**Jeonghan**  
👼😇  
_You gave it right to me_  
_Plus I have no control over what the other members do_

**Joshua**  
_Yeah sure_

**Jeonghan**  
_I don’t!!_  
_I sent them the pic so they’d know where to go and when they saw your handle they went “oh joshua~~~”_

**Joshua**  
_Shut up they did not_

**Jeonghan**  
_They really did_  
_They’re liking all your pics as we speak_

Sure enough, Joshua has a ton of notifications pouring in as he texts Jeonghan. He scrolls back through his feed and tries not to wince at some of the more embarrassing posts. He’s just grateful that Jeonghan doesn’t have an account and won’t be seeing any of them. Even so, he makes a mental note to up his Instagram game. 

**Jeonghan**  
_You play guitar? And sing?_

“Fuck,” Joshua says out loud. So much for Jeonghan not seeing any of his posts. As he goes to put his phone down and focus on his packing again, he realizes his music has switched over to recently added music on his playlist — so, Seventeen’s entire discography. He throws his phone down and though he’s the only one around to realize it, feels extremely caught and embarrassed. He returns to packing with a vigor and red cheeks.

*

Joshua stands in the arrival terminal, feeling lost. His phone won’t work until he gets a new SIM card or connects to WiFi, which he is currently trying to do. One of his new roommates said they’d be here to pick him up, but if something happened or they changed their mind, Joshua needs to be able to receive messages to hear about it. 

He looks up when he hears, “Yoo hoo! Hong Joshua-ssi!” It's the weirdest mashup of Joshua’s name and honorifics that he’s heard in a long time, and he looks up and around to see who is shouting at him. There’s a guy not far from him, holding a sign with Joshua’s name on it and waving wildly. 

“Seokmin-ssi?” Joshua asks, walking closer and wrapping nervous fingers around his backpack straps. 

“The one and only!” Seokmin responds with a deep bow. Joshua hurries to reciprocate, almost forgetting about all the etiquette he’d brushed up on before he left the States. “Follow me.” He heads off with a grin, and Joshua trails after him without thinking too hard about it. It’d been a long ass flight and he needs to be sleeping soon. Immediately. He realizes Seokmin has led him to the baggage claim when they’re standing in front of the conveyor belt, watching the suitcases go around. 

“Are you hungry? Did they give you food on the plane?” Seokmin asks excitedly as they wait for Joshua’s bags to show up. “Oh! Have you ever had bulgogi?” 

Joshua shoots Seokmin an amused look. “Yes, I have.”

“I didn’t want to assume!” Seokmin says, looking a little embarrassed but moving past it quickly.

“That’s one—” Joshua says, pointing to his bag as it goes by him too quickly. Seokmin leaps to grab it as he continues talking. 

“Just because you’re Korean-American doesn’t mean you’ve eaten a lot of Korean food — oh, that was surprisingly heavy — and Wonwoo-hyung said I shouldn’t pester you with questions about America, but you’ve had In-N-Out, right?” 

“I love In-N-Out,” Joshua says. He grabs his other bag and drops it down next to the one Seokmin still has a hand on. His guitar case comes soon after and he grabs that too. “I also love kimbap.”

“Good, good,” Seokmin says. He drags Joshua’s suitcase toward the exit. “Come! Your chariot awaits!”

He tries to stay awake for the drive to the house. He wants to see Seoul and the new place he’ll be living, but the jet lag gets him immediately and he passes out in the passenger seat of the car, listening to Seokmin sing along to the radio. He doesn’t wake up until Seokmin parks the car. 

“The others are excited to meet you,” Seokmin says as he helps Joshua carry his bags into the house. “They're not home yet though. They’re still in class.”

Seokmin gives him a quick tour of the house, introduces him to Wonwoo’s cat Mokujin, and then leaves him alone to get showered. His mom had warned him about the type of shower he might encounter, but he’s relieved to see it’s the same as what he’s used to. When he comes back out, feeling somewhat refreshed even though he’s still tired, his other new roommates are in the kitchen, waiting to meet him. 

“Joshua,” says Junhui, but he splits it up so it comes out _Joe-Shua._

“If it’s easier, you guys can just call me Jisoo,” Joshua says. “That’s my Korean name. My grandma calls me that and sometimes my parents. I don’t mind.”

“No, no,” Junhui says. “I can say it.” 

“When were you born?” Wonwoo asks. Seokmin takes it upon himself to start cooking and points Joshua to a seat at the table in the corner of the kitchen. Junhui settles in the seat across from him, eyeing Seokmin hopefully like he’ll get fed too, as Wonwoo leans back against the island. 

“Uh, December?” Joshua answers. “Nineteen ninety-five?”

“So you’re our hyung then,” Wonwoo says.

“Joshua-hyung,” Junhui sings. He looks so happy to be saying it and Joshua can’t help but smile, even though the pronunciation isn’t exactly right. He’s never been anyone’s hyung before, but he knows it’s important. He’ll have to make sure he does a good job. 

He fields a lot of questions from Junhui, telling them about his family and his major, as Seokmin finishes up the food.

“Here,” Seokmin says, placing a steaming bowl in front of Joshua with a grin. “Have you had this before?”

“Yes I’ve had ramyeon,” Joshua replies. He picks up his chopsticks and stabs them into the noodles. “I’ve even had homemade ramyeon, because my mom is the best.”

He twirls the noodles, takes a bite under the expectant gaze of his new roommates, and says, “Oh, I see.”

Seokmin does some sort of victory cry and goes running around the room. Wonwoo watches him, his face scrunched up like he’s trying not to laugh. Junhui just throws his head back and laughs. 

Joshua thinks life in Seoul is definitely going to be interesting. 

*

When Joshua wakes up, the house is eerily quiet. It takes him a second to remember where he is, and why his phone is plugged in on the wrong side of the bed. Also why the bed is so much closer to the floor than he’s used to, which he remembers when his feet hit the ground sooner than he’s expecting. His phone tells him it’s close to eleven, which explains the silence. All of his roommates have jobs or summer courses, so they’re up and out of the house early, much like Joshua will be in a few short weeks. 

He curses jetlag and the sixteen hour time difference as he stands under the shower spray and tries not to fall asleep. He stares at the kettle in the kitchen for close to five minutes before realizing that setting it in the base isn’t enough to get it going, but he has to flip the switch as well. Seokmin had told him to use any food in the kitchen that he wanted until he got his own, and Joshua searches for coffee only to come up with a tin of instant. He stares at it in dismay, but the other option is to have a headache all day, so he scoops the powder into a mug sadly. 

He walks the wrong way when he leaves the house and doesn’t realize it for five minutes, and by the time he’s doubled back he has to sit and wait another fifteen for the next bus to show up. He takes the bus to the subway and by the time he’s standing on the platform trying to decipher the map he wants to cry. He’d dropped his wallet trying to get money out to put on his T-card, and then he couldn’t even scan it correctly and caused a jam at one of the turnstiles.

He’s still not fully awake even as he stands in the subway car, but manages to get off at the correct stop. It’s another few minutes of not knowing which way to turn, but then he sees a Starbucks, and he makes a beeline. Once he has an iced coffee and a seat underneath him, he feels a little more at ease. 

Joshua doesn’t actually have anywhere to be today, he just wanted to familiarize himself with the route to school and the surrounding area so he wouldn’t be too out of his element on the first day of class. He’s glad he did it too, because his Pre-Departure Orientation had tried to prepare him for this, but he thought he’d be okay.

He answers some texts while he’s sitting there. He tells Seokmin that yes, he found the coffee, thank you (mental note: go buy different coffee), replies to the long text and quote his mom sent, and then opens his messages with Jeonghan when a new notification pops up. Their past messages were sporadic, always one trying to catch the other when it’s the middle of their night. The last time they were actually awake at the same time was before Joshua left for Seoul. 

**Jeonghan**  
_[image sent]_  
_Help me with this_

**Joshua**  
_Do your own homework, Jeonghan_

**Jeonghan**  
_But cheating is much more fun_  
_Wait why are you even awake??_  
_It’s the middle of the night for you_

**Joshua**  
_Uh_  
_Well_  
_I’m here, actually_

**Jeonghan**  
_Haha what do you mean??_

**Joshua**  
_I’m in seoul_

**Jeonghan**  
_I don’t understand??_

**Joshua**  
_[image sent]_

**Jeonghan**  
_I know that street_  
_Wtf???_  
_You’re really here??_

“Hello?”

“What’s going on, Joshua?” Jeonghan asks. “Is this some sort of stalking thing? You’re that infatuated with me?”

“What?” Joshua replies loudly. Of all the things he was expecting Jeonghan to say, that wasn’t it. “Get over yourself! I’m here for school, jeez.”

“Wow,” Jeonghan drawls. “You really know how to boost a man’s ego.”

“Oh please,” Joshua mutters. “Like your ego needs any boosting.”

“Oh my god?” Jeonghan starts to laugh, and Joshua thinks he sounds a little delighted. “This is amazing.” There’s muffled conversation from Jeonghan’s end, and then Jeonghan’s back and saying, “They think I called you to cheat on the homework.”

“You did, though,” Joshua points out. 

“Okay, bye!” Jeonghan replies, and then the line goes dead. More texts roll in a little while later when Joshua is finally gearing up to leave the Starbucks and start exploring.

**Jeonghan**  
_We’ll have to hang out soon!_  
_Not bc I want to see you_  
_But I told Seungkwan that you’re here and he really wants to see you_  
_Woozi too, but he won’t say it_  
_Welcome to Seoul!_

**Joshua**  
_Okay_ 😊  
_Thank you!_

Joshua doesn’t expect Jeonghan or either of the other two to actually follow through, but he sends the smiley face anyway, just in case. 

*

Joshua doesn’t hate it in Seoul, but he’s not...loving it either. He’s still having trouble with his T-card, Wonwoo’s cat keeps getting closed in his closet and yowls until Joshua rescues her, and something in the air is making him sick. He misses his parents and friends like a physical ache.

His roommates though — they’re awesome. 

They indulge his desire to sightsee and he has a companion for each of the major things he wants to visit. He goes on a tour of Namsan, visits the Han River, and ticks off museums one by one. They’re all things he’s seen before on visits with his parents, but it’s different than when he was a kid. He likes to hear what his roommates have to say about each place, and doesn’t even mind when Junhui’s loud laughter gets them shooed out of a gallery. 

Junhui shows him the closest food store and laughs when Joshua finds the biggest canister of coffee he can find and hugs it to his chest. When Joshua gets caught up by the pastry display, Junhui is right there with him, making eyes at the cake and rubbing his stomach. Wonwoo shakes his head when they come back with an entire boxful, but he doesn’t say no to a slice. 

Seokmin goes to campus with him one day and shows Joshua an easier way to handle the T-card, dramatically swiping and walking through the turnstile all in one go. He doesn’t seem to mind that everyone else is staring at him, instead bowing and ushering Joshua onto a less crowded train. He shows Joshua around campus that day and even buys him lunch, even though Joshua knows that’s really supposed to be his thing as the hyung. 

Wonwoo catches Joshua before he walks out the door one day and presses a face mask into his hands. 

“But I’m not sick?” Joshua says. 

“It’s for the dust,” Wonwoo replies seriously. He tucks a few more masks into Joshua’s backpack. “You’ll thank me later.”

“Roommate night out tonight,” Junhui says as he swoops by them and out the door. “Joshua-hyung, you in?”

Joshua is probably going to want to be sleeping, but both Junhui and Wonwoo are looking at him so expectantly that he nods. 

“How are you feeling?” Junhui asks later. Joshua pants and drags a glass of water toward himself. 

“I’m—“ he coughs. “I’m _fine._” 

Wonwoo and Seokmin grimace sympathetically. 

“We told you not to try Junhui’s suggestion,” Seokmin says sadly. “Your poor taste buds.”

Joshua will admit that Seokmin is right. But Junhui has suggested the dish and spice level like he expected Joshua to say no, so naturally Joshua had to go for it. Wonwoo shakes his head and then picks up a piece of meat from the grill and places it in Joshua’s bowl. Joshua’s not sure he’ll be able to taste it, but he appreciates the gesture.

He goes to bed that night feeling well-fed and exhausted from all the laughter. 

*

“What’s happening?”

Joshua doesn’t pick his head up when Wonwoo’s voice reaches him. 

“He’s being dramatic,” Junhui responds. He’s being entirely unhelpful in the kitchen while Joshua dies at the table. He’d looked at what Joshua needed help with and backed away apologetically. 

“I got an F,” Joshua whispers sadly. “I can’t believe it.”

Wonwoo picks the worksheet up from the table and squints at it. 

“Grammar?” 

“Reading and writing is still rusty for me,” Joshua says. 

“I could help you with this,” Wonwoo says, already sitting down. Mokujin follows, jumping up and curling in his lap. She stares at Joshua judgmentally, but maybe Joshua just feels that way because he’s feeling sensitive right now. Wonwoo looks at Joshua with a worried look on his face, like he thinks he might’ve offended Joshua by offering to help. “That is — if you want?”

“_Please,_” Joshua says. Junhui makes his escape. 

Wonwoo helps Joshua for way longer than he should have to, only stopping for a break when Joshua’s phone buzzes. Joshua’s throat leaps in anticipation as he picks it up, but it’s not Jeonghan. It hasn’t been Jeonghan for weeks. Which is fine. Jeonghan is an idol and he’s super busy. Too busy to hang out with Joshua. It’s not a big deal. 

Junhui reappears once the talk of grammar dies away, bending down and wrapping his arms around Wonwoo’s shoulders from behind. 

“Wonwoo-yah, can we _please_ play a game later?”

“Don’t let me win,” Wonwoo responds. “You know I hate that.”

“You know I won’t,” Junhui coos, swaying Wonwoo back and forth. Wonwoo lets himself be manhandled, still while correcting Joshua’s sheet, and Joshua looks away to let them have their cute moment. He hadn’t realized two of his roommates would be dating when he agreed to move in, but as long as he doesn’t have to hear them have sex or argue, he doesn’t care. 

“Seokmin wants to know what we’re doing for dinner,” Joshua reads. “Jun, isn’t it your night to cook?”

Junhui straightens from the hug. “Yes. I didn’t forget.” He hurries over to the fridge and starts pulling out random ingredients. Joshua chooses not to comment, only exchanges a wary look with Wonwoo before going back to his work. 

“Can someone play some music?” Junhui asks as he starts chopping vegetables. Joshua connects to the speaker and his thumb is just hovering over the play button when Junhui speaks again. 

“Please no sad shit right now,” Junhui says. “I’m not in that kind of mood.”

Joshua makes a face at him and starts the music. Junhui stares at the speaker in shock for a second before rounding on Joshua. 

“You know Seventeen? I _love_ Seventeen.”

“Um, he’s _obsessed_ with Seventeen,” Wonwoo mutters. 

“Do you have a favorite?” Junhui asks, ignoring Wonwoo entirely. 

“Jeonghan,” Joshua replies with no hesitation. Junhui doesn’t even blink. 

“Mine is Minghao. He’s from China, did you know that?”

Joshua did know that. He might’ve looked up all the members at some point, but he refuses to feel embarrassed about it. Just like he refuses to feel embarrassed that Seventeen was the first band he thought of, even despite not actually having talked to Jeonghan recently. 

“I did,” Joshua replies. He wonders if it’d sound weird or braggy to mention that he met them, and decides yes. 

Joshua doesn’t have many opinions besides thinking Jeonghan is hot — 

(“I said he’s _interesting,_” Joshua says. “And I really like his voice.”

“And you think he’s hot,” Junhui says with a nod. “I see that light in your eyes. Did you watch ‘Purple Rose?’”

Joshua stays silent to keep from exposing himself, but Junhui reads his face like a book and crows in delight. 

Wonwoo nods in agreement.)

— and liking the music, but listening to Junhui talk about his favorite songs and units takes them all the way through his dinner prep and into Seokmin coming home. 

“Oh,” Seokmin says when he comes in during a reprise of ‘Very Nice.’ “Is it that kind of night?” 

“Seokmin,” Junhui says, utterly serious. “It is always that kind of night.” 

*

There are a few days a week when Joshua has a break between classes where he can actually sit and relax rather than running across campus just in time for his next class. He’s enjoying one of those breaks and waiting for Seokmin to meet him for lunch when his phone rings — 

With an incoming call from Jeonghan. Joshua prefers texting to phone calls, but he hasn’t heard from Jeonghan since August, so fuck if he’s not going to pick up. 

“Hello,” Jeonghan says, as if they’re picking up a conversation. “Are you busy?” 

“Hi, hello,” Joshua replies, flustered. “Yeah, kind of. Why?”

Jeonghan hums. “We have some free time and I wondered if—” There’s shouting on the other end and Jeonghan huffs and goes, “Hold on.” There’s the sound of sneakers squeaking, a door closing, and when Jeonghan comes back, Joshua can hear him more clearly. 

“Are you too busy for dinner?” Jeonghan asks, sounding kind of pouty. “You need to eat too, you know.” 

“I can do dinner,” Joshua replies quickly, wondering what the hell is even happening. 

“Where are you coming from?” 

“SNU,” Joshua replies. 

“Okay, I’m coming from Hongdae. We can meet halfway?” Jeonghan hums thoughtfully. “Oh! There’s a barbecue place around there that’s amazing. Let’s go there.” 

“Okay,” Joshua agrees, even though that place sounds kind of expensive and Joshua’s not really making any money right now. His work visa still hasn’t been approved, so he’s living off his savings, the grad school stipend, and what his parents send him. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan says again. “Six?”

“I’ll be there,” Joshua promises. 

“Good.” 

Jeonghan tells him what subway exit to use before hanging up, and the conversation is over as quickly as it began. Joshua looks at his phone and sees that the call lasted barely three minutes. 

Lunch with Seokmin passes in a daze, as well as his afternoon classes.

He begins to feel like an idiot when he’s standing in the agreed upon terminal a little before six. Why does Jeonghan even want to hang out with him? Is it to get more help with his English? What does Joshua bring to the table in a friendship with an idol? He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he startles when someone reaches out and pulls him to a stop. It’s someone in a baseball hat pulled low and a face mask on. 

“Joshua, it’s me,” the stranger says. He pulls down his mask and Joshua steps closer, getting a good look at his face. 

“Oh, Jeonghan,” he says in relief. “You startled me. How did you know it was me?”

“You forgot your mask,” Jeonghan says. “It’s not good to forget it. The fine dust is high today. Plus, you’re one of the only ones looking up and around at everything. Everyone else looks at their phone or their feet.”

“So I look like a tourist,” Joshua says unhappily. 

“Maybe a little,” Jeonghan agrees. “But it’s cute. C’mon, let’s get going.”

Joshua’s cheeks burn at Jeonghan calling him cute, and he lets himself be led up out of the subway terminal and onto the busy streets. They get separated at the top of the stairs, and no matter how closely Joshua tries to walk to Jeonghan, someone always manages to get in between them. Jeonghan looks back a few times before reaching back and grabbing Joshua’s wrist and pulling him close. 

Joshua lets himself be led, but he’s grateful when Jeonghan drops his wrist as they approach the restaurant and leave the worst of the crowds behind. He was wrong about the restaurant. It’s not fancy at all, but more like the places his roommates have been introducing him to. Jeonghan gets them a table near the back of the restaurant, out of sight of the door. 

“Joshua,” Jeonghan starts. Joshua is going to have to do something drastic because he can’t keep shivering like this everytime Jeonghan says his name. “When’s your birthday?”

Joshua knows this game, and he also happens to know Jeonghan’s birthday, so he knows Jeonghan will be disappointed. “December thirtieth,” he says. “Ninety-five.”

“Ah, we’re the same age,” Jeonghan replies. “I thought I might be your hyung.”

“You have seven dongsaengs,” Joshua points out. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Never,” Jeonghan replies. “But still, I’m older, so you can grill for me.”

“Oh I see,” Joshua says. He puts the tongs on his side of the table and Jeonghan watches with a pleased smile. 

Joshua casts about for something to say that isn’t _why exactly did you invite me?_ and settles on, “How are Seungkwan-ssi and Jihoon-ssi?”

“They’re good,” Jeonghan replies. “Seungkwan’s being doing a lot of MCing and Woozi has been spending a lot of time in his studio, as usual.” He rests a chin in his hand and sighs. 

“What is it?” Joshua asks. 

“Oh nothing,” Jeonghan says. “They wanted to come, but I told them no. But if I’d known you liked them this much I guess I would’ve invited them.” He sits back as the waiter approaches to take their order. “I just didn’t want to share you.”

Joshua almost swallows his tongue. Jeonghan doesn’t want to _share him?_ Jeonghan places their order like he didn’t just shock Joshua into silence, and Joshua takes the time to find his voice again.

“Of course I like them,” Joshua says as the waiter leaves again. “But I’m...I’m happy to be here with you.”

Jeonghan’s face lights up, and Joshua knows he’s said the right thing. 

“I’ll bring them next time though,” Jeonghan says. 

“Okay,” Joshua says.

Next time?

When Joshua gets home that night, Wonwoo is playing video games in the living room, the cat stretched out next to him. Junhui is also around, a second controller abandoned to the side as if they’d been playing together, but he got bored. He’s in the kitchen, blending something and trying to feed it to Seokmin when Joshua walks in. Joshua squints at how close and cuddly they’re being, briefly wondering what Wonwoo thinks about _that_, but decides to mind his own business.

“Hey,” Wonwoo says, giving him a brief smile before going back to his game. “We thought maybe you got lost.” 

“Um, rude,” Joshua replies. He sits down and immediately gathers Mokujin into his lap. She goes willingly for once, letting him pet her. “I was getting dinner.” 

“With who?” Junhui asks. “You have friends that aren’t us?”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua replies, flipping Junhui off at the same time. He doesn’t even think to lie because he’s not a very good at it. He wouldn’t be able to come up with a fake name. He waits to see if any of them make the connection, but none of them do. Why would they?

Joshua says goodnight and gets ready for bed, the memory of Jeonghan’s laughter lingering as he falls asleep. 

*

Joshua gets more and more confused over the next few weeks. He walks in on Junhui and Wonwoo hugging, hears Seokmin burst into the bathroom when Junhui is in there and hold an entire conversation with him, and sees Seokmin and Wonwoo walking out of Seokmin’s bedroom one morning as if they’d spent the night sharing the same bed. Junhui feeds Seokmin from his own chopsticks at dinner and then snuggles into Wonwoo’s side for movie night, and Seokmin just takes the extra chair like nothing is going on. There’s so much cuddling and hand holding and cheek kissing between the three of them, and Joshua is _so confused_.

It takes him a little while to realize what it all means, but eventually he realizes that his roommates might all be dating each other. He doesn’t understand why they didn’t say anything when he first responded to the ad, like, _hey, we’re all in a relationship, hope you don’t mind living with a throuple._ Joshua would’ve liked a heads up, because he swears, the first time he’s in the middle of a fight that goes beyond the usual bickering of who has to take out the trash, he might just catapult himself out a window. 

It doesn’t make a ton of sense, though, because they all have their own rooms, but Joshua understands the need for private time. Maybe that’s what allows them to work. 

So, it’s extremely confusing when Seokmin tries to hold his hand when they’re walking to dinner one night. 

Joshua doesn’t realize it at first. He’s so used to bumping into other people as he walks that he thinks it’s accidental. But when Seokmin grabs Joshua’s hand and doesn’t let go, he tenses up. 

“Uh,” Joshua says, tugging his hand away lightly. Seokmin looks at him, hurt and confusion flashing across his face. Joshua’s skin prickles. He really does hate confrontation. “Aren’t you guys like…you know…”

He trails off, his embarrassment rising when Wonwoo and Junhui stop walking too and turn around to listen. 

“Aren’t you guys all dating?”

“Dating?” Seokmin repeats. “All of us…dating?”

Junhui seems to understand first, and he lets out a sharp bark of a laugh. And then another, and then he’s giggling so hard that he can barely breathe. Wonwoo looks at him in alarm. 

“What’s so funny?” Wonwoo asks mildly. “Why is the idea of dating us so hilarious?” 

That shuts Junhui up. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Junhui says. He’s actually crying. “You guys are just…” He looks between Seokmin and Wonwoo quickly. “I love you but I could never date you. Besides, I’m waiting for my soulmate.”

“Minghao will never know you exist,” Wonwoo replies. 

Junhui bares his teeth in a scary smile. “Not with that attitude.”

“So…” Joshua says slowly. “None of you are dating?” 

Junhui shakes his head, Wonwoo looks to the sky, and Seokmin — interestingly — blushes. 

“No,” Seokmin says. “And I wasn’t… trying anything when I held your hand. I was just, um, holding your hand?” 

“Oh,” Joshua says. He feels extremely stupid now. “I guess I just misunderstood. It’s not like this in America. Boys don’t just hold each other’s hands. Girls do it sometimes, but if you’re holding someone’s hand or kissing them, you’re usually dating them.”

“How depressing,” Junhui says. 

“_Anyway,_ that’s why I thought you were dating,” Joshua says. He starts walking again and hurries past them. “Let’s just go eat.”

“So…no hand holding?” Seokmin says behind him, sounding sad. 

It’s almost like déjà vu the next time he hangs out with Jeonghan when Jeonghan reaches for his hand and Joshua has to explain everything all over again. It’s just as embarrassing as the first time, and Jeonghan looks just as disappointed as Seokmin when he realizes he won’t be holding Joshua’s hand any time soon. 

“I’m sorry,” Joshua says, even though it feels weird to apologize for it. 

“No, don’t—” Jeonghan grimaces. “Don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing. I should’ve asked.” He sighs. “Vernon even warned me about it and I forgot. Stupid.” 

Jeonghan moves on from that quickly enough and goes to peruse the menu board of the café where they’ve met, but Joshua is stuck in place. He knows that Jeonghan has talked to Seungkwan and Jihoon about him, and from other conversations he’s gathered that the other members know of his existence beyond their initial meeting in LA, but he didn’t know Jeonghan was discussing him and their friendship in such detail. 

“Joshua, do you want cake?” Jeonghan asks. 

“Always,” Joshua responds, stepping up to join Jeonghan. He tells the warm feeling in his stomach to calm the fuck down, but it doesn’t listen. 

“Ah, finally!” Seungkwan exclaims when he arrives at the café with Jihoon in tow. “Jeonghan-hyung’s been hogging you all to himself!”

Jeonghan mutters something that Joshua doesn’t catch, but makes Jihoon snort. It’s amusing to sit with the three of them, because they’re all wearing something to keep themselves from being recognized. Only Jeonghan isn’t wearing a dust mask, which Joshua thinks is pretty stupid of him. He’s the most striking out of all of them, and the most likely to be recognized. 

“I feel like I’m sitting with celebrities,” Joshua jokes, and then, “Wait—”

“Where?” Seungkwan turns in his seat and scans the café. “I don’t see any.”

“That was stupid of me to say,” Joshua says. 

“So, Joshua,” Jihoon says, interrupting Seungkwan’s theatrics, though he has a smile on his face. “What’re you studying?” 

Joshua gets part way through his explanation of holistic medicine and the hybrid graduate program he came to Seoul for before someone looms behind Seungkwan. Jeonghan, who had been listening attentively, says, “What the hell?” 

“Oh wow, hyung,” the stranger says. “I feel welcomed.” 

“How did you even know to come here?” Jeonghan asks. 

“Seungkwannie bragged about it in the group chat,” the stranger replies. He tugs down his mask and Joshua recognizes Mingyu immediately. Mingyu’s words finally reach his ears and Joshua flushes at the implication that his company is anything to be bragged about. 

“We were getting lunch,” a second person says. Joshua sees wire rimmed glasses and a partial mullet and thinks, _Minghao._ He can hear Junhui’s shrieks in his mind. “But it’s nearby so he wanted to say hi.” 

“Hi,” Jeonghan says. “And goodbye.”

Seungkwan snorts and Joshua blushes again. 

“Are you hungry, hyung?” Jihoon asks. 

It takes Joshua a second to realize the question is being directed at him. The rest of them are looking at him expectantly. 

“Yes, but you guys go ahead,” Joshua says. “I don’t want to keep you—”

“Of course you’re coming with us,” Jeonghan says. Joshua wants to protest more, because they surely don’t want Joshua to hang around for their member lunch, but he’s ushered up and out of the café and is walking with them before the words come to mind. 

Jihoon snorts loudly behind him. 

“Hoshi’s pissed,” he says when he’s asked to elaborate. “He wanted to meet Joshua-hyung too.”

“I can’t have one friend to myself,” Jeonghan says sadly. He meets Joshua’s gaze and smiles in a way that lets Joshua know he’s joking. Mostly.

“Next time it’ll be just us again?” Joshua asks quietly, and not that confidently. 

Jeonghan’s face lights up, and the warm feeling in his stomach returns. 

*

Joshua had two names when he was growing up. Joshua, which his friends at school called him, and Jisoo, when his mom was extremely mad at him. He had one nickname — Josh. 

After living in Seoul for the past few months, Joshua’s learned to respond to a variety of different names. When he’s at home, he still twitches at every call of ‘Hyung!’ though he’s starting to get the hang of it. If it’s Seokmin yelling, it could be any of them, but if it’s Wonwoo or Junhui, it’s definitely Joshua that’s being summoned. It’s easier when they call him Joshua-hyung, which is what they normally do. Jeonghan’s friends also call him Joshua-hyung, and that takes more getting used to, given their celebrity status. 

Jeonghan usually calls him Joshua or even Joshua-yah at times. He’d tried out Josh for a little while, but he’d had such a pained look on his face when he did it that Joshua told him not to worry about it. Joshua only nixes a few nicknames. ‘Hong Josa’ and ‘Joshuji’ make him cringe in a way he can’t really explain, and Jeonghan promises not to say them again — after he’s finished laughing, of course.

Jeonghan learns Joshua’s Korean name purely by accident. It’s on some of his student papers, since the majority of his professors prefer to call him by that name rather than his American name. Part of Joshua wants to write his American name out of spite, because that’s his fucking _name_ they don’t get to be so snooty about it, but he also doesn’t want to anger the people who have the power of his grades in their hands. 

“Hong Jisoo,” Jeonghan reads over his shoulder. Joshua jumps and yanks his earbuds out. He hadn’t even realized Jeonghan had arrived yet. “Who’s that?”

“Me,” Joshua says, watching Jeonghan round the table. “Jeonghan…did you dye your hair?” 

“No, this happened naturally,” Jeonghan replies shaking out his bleached locks. The last time they hung out, last week, Jeonghan still had the auburn hair he’d had when they first met. 

“I’ve had it before,” Jeonghan says. “During the ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’ era.”

“I know,” Joshua replies before realizing that’s not something he should know.

“Hong Jisoo-yah,” Jeonghan says. “Did you search me?”

Joshua’s nose wrinkles, at both the embarrassment of being caught, and being called Jisoo. 

“Ugh, you sound like my mom,” Joshua says. “I feel like I’m about to get in trouble.”

“You’re ignoring the question,” Jeonghan replies. 

“Hmm?” Joshua says. “Did you say something?”

Jeonghan laughs, and it sends shivers down Joshua’s spine. He watches Jeonghan text someone and finally voices the question he’s been agonizing over since they first met. 

“Jeonghan,” Joshua says hesitantly. Jeonghan seems to realize that Joshua wants him to look up from his phone, and does so with a curious, “Hm?”

“I just wondered…Um. Do you feel like you owe me something for helping you back in LA?”

Jeonghan frowns. “What?”

“Like, I helped you in LA, so now you’re helping me adjust to Seoul?”

Jeonghan is silent for a long moment. 

“Are you asking me if the only reason I’m hanging out with you is to settle some debt?”

Joshua gulps. It sounds so stupid when it’s said out loud. 

“Uh, yeah. I guess I am asking that.” 

“Well, that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard,” Jeonghan replies. He looks back down at his phone. “Plus, if that were the case, I’ve more than paid you back. You owe me big time.” 

Joshua laughs, relief washing over him.

“Why would you think that? Jeez,” Jeonghan mutters. 

“You stopped texting,” Joshua says before he can help himself. “And I thought…I don’t know.”

“I prefer calling,” Jeonghan says. “It’s easy for me to forget to text, but I couldn’t just call because of the time difference and I didn’t know if it would cost you anything.”

“Oh,” Joshua says. “That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan agrees. He sighs and shakes his head. “You’re too much, Hong Jisoo. What do you want to eat?”

*

**Seungkwan**  
_Are you busy today Joshua-hyung?_

**Joshua**  
_Just at home working on a paper, why?_

**Seungkwan**  
_No reason :)_

**Joshua**  
_Don’t :) me_

Joshua looks down at himself and frowns. He knows a leading text when he sees one, and if Seungkwan randomly stops by to hang out, he’s definitely not dressed or showered for it. He still has bedhead and he’s covered in cat hair. He runs for the bathroom.

(They shouldn’t even know where he lives, but after eating lunch with five of them a few weeks ago, they’d called their manager to get a van back to their dorm. Joshua had started to walk away toward the subway before Minghao had said, “Where are you going?”

“Home?” Joshua said. 

“We’ll take you,” Minghao offered. The rest of them were already in the van, and Jeonghan had poked his head out to see what the hold up was. 

“No, that’s okay,” Joshua said, but Minghao was already herding him toward the van. 

“Are you kidnapping me?” Joshua asked. “Am I being abducted?”

“Relax,” Jeonghan said, reaching over and patting Joshua’s knee when he finally got in and sat down. “You live on our way home. It’s not a big deal.”

Joshua sat straight in his seat, careful not to touch anything or breathe too heavily. 

“Why do you look like that?” Seungkwan asked, laughter in his voice. 

“Like what?” Joshua said, trying to relax his shoulders. “I’m fine.”

“You can’t do anything worse than anything we’ve done,” Jihoon said. “Mingyu once spilled an entire container of sticky rice in one of these.”

“Such a waste,” Mingyu said sadly. 

They’d dropped Joshua off at home way quicker than it would’ve been if he’d taken the subway and walked, and all waved cheerfully as Joshua got out of the van.

So — they know where he lives.)

He’s back at his desk, freshly showered and feeling kind of stupid, when there’s a knock on the door. He’s lucky he’s the only one home right now, because Junhui is always on the door like a dog on a bone, eager to have company — anything to distract him from his actual work. 

“What a surprise,” Joshua says, opening the door to a smiling Seungkwan. 

“You’re ready to go? Good,” Seungkwan says. “It’s just me,” he says when he sees Joshua’s gaze flick over his shoulder. “I had a schedule somewhere else and now I’m headed back to the dorm, if you want to join?”

Joshua blinks. Go to their _dorm?_ But the dorm is where Jeonghan is, and Joshua hasn’t gotten to see him in a few weeks now due to comeback preparations. So, Joshua will go where Jeonghan is. 

“Yes,” Joshua says.

The car that Seungkwan’s in this time is just as fancy as the van from last time, and Joshua does his best to relax as he settles into the seat. He texts his roommates that he’ll be back sometime later so they don’t think he’s lying dead somewhere and then looks at Seungkwan, who is scrolling through his own phone and frowning. 

“Mingyu-hyung really wants to die,” Seungkwan mutters. “Look at this.”

He turns his phone so Joshua can see it. It’s a picture of Seungkwan and Mingyu, slightly blurry, but nice nonetheless. 

“It’s…cute?” 

“Cute?” Seungkwan makes a noise of disgust, deep in the back of his throat. “I don’t like it. He didn’t get my opinion before posting it.”

“You like nice,” Joshua tries to reassure him. “You look happy.”

Seungkwan purses his lips and shoots Joshua a look out of the corner of his eye. “You’re just flattering me so I don’t tell Jeonghan-hyung that you showered because you thought you were going to see him.”

Joshua looks out the window, ears burning. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The building they pull up to is nondescript, looking like every other building surrounding it. There are doormen, body guards, and staff members that surround them on the trip up, all of whom Seungkwan greets with a smile and an inside joke. 

“I’m back!” Seungkwan announces when he walks through the door. He kicks his shoes off and disappears around the corner, leaving Joshua in the entryway, struggling with his own shoes. He’s still loosening the laces to step out of them when someone rounds the corner. The guy frowns when he sees Joshua, and then says, “Oh. Joshua?” 

“Yes,” Joshua replies. “Hansol, right?” 

“Oh, you can call me Vernon,” Hansol responds. “Everyone else does. Nice to see you again, man.” He walks forward to clasp hands with Joshua in the American way, rather than bowing to him. He motions for Joshua to follow him in the direction Seungkwan disappeared. 

“Seungkwan, you can’t just bring people over and abandon them,” Hansol says. Seungkwan grins sheepishly. 

“But you found him, so he’s okay,” Seungkwan replies. “Someone wake Jeonghan-hyung up.”

“_You_ wake him up,” someone replies. Seungkwan turns with a dangerous look in his eye, and the one who’d spoken stands up on his seat on the couch and rolls over the back in one easy motion. 

Seungkwan scoffs and turns to Joshua. “Dino thinks he’s funny.”

Joshua gets reintroduced to Hansol and Chan as Seungkwan drifts out of the room to presumably wake Jeonghan up. Seungcheol wanders into the room, blinks at Joshua, and then continues on to the kitchen. 

“Don’t take it personally,” Hansol says, seeing the wide-eyed look on Joshua’s face. “He just woke up. He’s probably trying to remember if you’re always here.”

“Hey,” Jihoon says as he walks by. “Oh — hey. I forgot to text you about those songs I sent you.” He comes in and perches on the cushion next to Joshua, pulling out his phone and looking at him expectantly. “What did you think of them?”

“I liked the first two,” Joshua says, pulling out his own phone. He has his own song recommendations for Jihoon. “The third one was…weird.”

“It grows on you, but I can see where you’re coming from,” Jihoon says. 

There’s the sound of raised voices from elsewhere in the dorm, and Hansol shakes his head. 

“Who put Mingyu and Minghao on dinner duty on the same night?” 

“Joshua-hyung’s here?” Joshua hears from down the hall. Soon enough, Soonyoung arrives in the living room and throws himself on Joshua. He lands half on top of Jihoon, who grunts in displeasure but doesn’t do anything to move him. 

“I can’t believe you’re really here,” Soonyoung says, rearranging himself so he can smile up at Joshua. “They’ve been hogging you.”

Joshua clears his throat uncomfortably. “Seungkwan brought me.”

“Stop looking so surprised that they want to spend time with you,” a voice says from the doorway. “They won’t shut up about you.”

“_We_ won’t—” Chan’s reply is cut off as Hansol makes a quick motion with his hand. 

It’s Jeonghan, finally, standing in the doorway and looking way too attractive for a normal Tuesday afternoon. He also looks fucking _exhausted,_ and Joshua feels guilty for being here at all. He’s still trying to decide how to greet Jeonghan — still dealing with a lapful of Soonyoung — when Minghao comes out of the kitchen looking harassed.

“Food’s ready,” Minghao says shortly, and everyone moves as one toward the table. Joshua catches Seungkwan as he’s coming back down the hallway. 

“I should go,” he says quietly. 

“What?” Seungkwan shakes his head. “You just got here.” 

“I’m not here to mess up your family dinner.” Even as he’s saying this, someone’s hand wraps around his elbow and drags him along. 

“C’mon, Shua, this way,” Jeonghan says. Joshua’s brain shuts down at the nickname and he doesn’t come back to himself until he’s already seated with a bowl of food in front of him. 

“Shua?” he asks quietly. Jeonghan looks up in surprise, eyes widening a fraction before he smooths it away. 

“Cute, isn’t it?” Jeonghan asks. “Isn’t it cute, Minghao?” 

Minghao looks up and glances between the two of them, a knowing smirk on his face. 

“Adorable,” he says. 

Someone claims the seat next to Joshua, and he looks to his left to see Seungcheol. Seungcheol looks at him and then the rest of the table. Joshua can almost see the mental math he’s doing. 

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Joshua says helpfully. 

“I thought I was hallucinating,” Seungcheol replies. “Joshua right? You can call me hyung if you want.”

“Nuh-uh,” Jeonghan says, leaning close on Joshua’s other side. “I already tried that. He’s ninety-five line, just like us.” 

“Ah, I see,” Seungcheol says with a chuckle. 

Jeonghan smells flowery and damp, like he’d showered before coming to dinner. Joshua wonders if that’s why it took him so long to come down the hall, and if he would’ve done it if Joshua wasn’t there. He stops that dangerous thought before it can grow any bigger. 

“Hey,” he says as Jeonghan’s chopsticks inch close to his own bowl. Jeonghan is still teasing Seungcheol around the back of Joshua’s chair, clearly hoping that would be a distraction enough to steal the carrots on top of Joshua’s noodles. He catches Jeonghan’s chopsticks with his own and flings them away. 

“What’s this?” Soonyoung says with a fake little gasp from across the table. “Jeonghan-hyung? Denied?” 

“It’s never been seen before,” Seungkwan replies in the same tone. “Quick! Someone make a note of the date!”

Joshua peeks to the side to see if Jeonghan is actually upset. Jeonghan’s leaning back with a grin on his face, like getting caught was actually all part of his plan. Still, there’s a shadow of something underneath the smile that makes Joshua pick up the carrots and deposit them in Jeonghan’s bowl. 

“I don’t like them anyway,” Joshua says, which is the truth. 

Jeonghan smiles down at his bowl before making a fuss that someone younger than them needs to pour Joshua a glass of water. Seungkwan does it with a scowl on his face as Seungcheol mutters, “Oh boy,” next to him.

Dinner is loud, which Joshua supposes is expected when ten people eat together. There seem to be three or four conversations going on at any given time, and he answers an increasing number of random questions thrown his way. They get his Zodiac, blood type, and height out of him all within five minutes, and he feels the sudden need to make sure they didn’t get his social security number and bank account too. 

The fast-paced Korean is hard to follow at times, and he can feel a headache building up behind his eyes. He’s used to calm conversations at home, or one professor talking at a silent class. While eating with his roommates can also be a loud affair, it’s just the four of them. Nine other people talking over the top of each other would be chaotic by itself, but even more so in a language that’s not Joshua’s first. Jihoon has to ask him the same question three times before Joshua realizes he’s not mishearing Jihoon, he just can’t understand him. The words are gone.

“Sorry,” he says in English, and then struggles to repeat himself in Korean. “Sorry.” 

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asks. 

“Yeah, it’s just— a headache.” He pushes back from the table and asks, “Um, bathroom?” 

Multiple hands point down the hallway, but Jeonghan’s concerned face keeps him in his seat for a moment longer. He still can’t find the words, so he smiles in a way that he hopes is at least a little reassuring, but it doesn’t do much to take that look off Jeonghan’s face. 

“I’ll be right back,” he says in English, and then vacates the table. He splashes cold water on his face and tries to rub away some of the tension in his eyes, but it doesn’t really help. When he reemerges, Hansol is waiting in the hallway. 

“Hey,” Hansol says in English. “Overloaded, right?”

“I feel like my head’s about to explode,” Joshua groans, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “It hasn’t been this bad since the first few weeks I was here.” 

“It’s okay if you need a little break,” Hansol says. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

Joshua follows Hansol down the hallway and into a room. He hesitates in the doorway because, holy shit — that’s a lot of clothes. It’s like a fitting room exploded all over the floor and every available surface. 

“Sorry about the mess,” Hansol says, not sounding very sorry but at least looking a little sheepish. “This stuff is all clean, I promise.” He rummages around in the cabinet by his bed before pulling out a package of Sour Patch Kids. 

“Oh my god,” Joshua gasps. “Where did you get those? I haven’t been able to find them anywhere!”

“My friend who lives over there sends them to me,” Hansol says.

They sit side by side on Hansol’s bed, one of the only clear spots in the room, sharing the snack and talking in English. Joshua’s not even sure how much time has passed before there’s a soft knock on the door. Jeonghan pokes his head in. He looks between the two of them with an unreadable look on his face before coming into the room fully.

“Here,” he says. He hands Joshua a bottle of water and a bottle of pills. “For your head.”

“Oh,” Joshua says, feeling touched. “Thank you, Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan shrugs, squishes himself onto the bed in between Hansol and Joshua, and steals the last of the candy. 

*

As September goes on, everyone around Joshua starts getting excited for Chuseok. 

“What are your plans?” Seokmin asks one morning. 

“Um, nothing?” Joshua says. “I have to work actually.”

“What?” Seokmin looks upset. “Oh no.”

“I signed up for the shift,” Joshua says. “Everyone else wanted off to go home for the holidays, and I’m not going anywhere, so it worked out.” 

“You could’ve come home with me,” Seokmin says sadly. “Jun-hyung came last year and I invited him again this time.” 

“It’s okay,” Joshua says gently. “I’ll be fine! I’m just going to Skype my parents and catch up on some work. Thanksgiving has always been the bigger deal for us anyway.”

Seokmin is still frowning. “Well…if you change your mind, you’re welcome to come, hyung. For Christmas, too!”

“Thank you,” Joshua says. He reaches out and pulls Seokmin into a hug.

“Really?” Seokmin exclaims. “Hugs are okay now?!”

“Hugs are okay,” Joshua says with a laugh. 

When Junhui finds out that Joshua is staying in Seoul for the holiday, he says, “Okay. Me too.”

“What?” Joshua shakes his head. “No. You’re supposed to be going to Seokmin’s.”

“And leave you here all alone? I don’t think so.”

“Jun. I’ll be fine.” 

“Did you forget that I’m Chinese? We don’t celebrate Chuseok, we have our mid-autumn festival,” Junhui says, looking at his phone and ignoring Joshua. “Same day and same idea, but still different.” 

“So you should still go celebrate—”

“—And would you look at that! So many movies are coming out that weekend!” 

“Jun—” 

“Oh! And there’s this arcade nearby that we should go to—”

And that’s how Joshua ends up with company for the holiday. 

It’s a lot quieter without Wonwoo and Seokmin around. Mokujin, left behind since the holiday break is only a few days, pouts and hides under the couch for the first day that Wonwoo is gone, but then becomes Joshua’s best friend when she realizes who is feeding her. 

Junhui seems pretty content to move around the house on his own with his own job and work to complete, but he occasionally knocks on Joshua’s door to show him a funny video or ask what they should eat. They get surprisingly competitive when they go to play arcade games, Junhui falling quieter the more focused he gets. 

Joshua researches the Chinese mid-autumn festival, and then stops by the store on the way home from work one day to pick up mooncakes. He spends a long time in the aisle comparing two tins, wondering which brand is Junhui’s favorite, and ends up getting both. 

Jeonghan calls Saturday night. Joshua can feel Junhui’s watchful eyes on him as he stands from the couch and goes to his room to take the call.

“I’m bored,” Jeonghan says in lieu of a greeting. 

“Hello to you too, Jeonghan.”

“Shua,” Jeonghan whines. “Entertain me.”

“Do you want a joke?” Joshua asks. 

Jeonghan pauses. “Do you know a good joke?”

“No,” Joshua replies. 

“Well then why would you suggest it,” Jeonghan asks drily. “Just tell me what you did today. What are you going to eat tomorrow?” 

“I went to an arcade and a movie with Jun,” Joshua says. “I don’t know what we’re going to eat. Jun said he’d pick something up since I’ll be working.” 

“Take out?” Jeonghan sounds surprised. “You…stayed in Seoul?”

“Well…I can’t really just go home,” Joshua says, trying not to sound sad or bitter about it. He chose this, he has to remind himself of that fact whenever he starts to miss his family too much.

“Ah, yeah,” Jeonghan says. “I didn’t think of that. I’m sorry.”

“Oh? An apology?”

“Oh wow. Friendship cancelled. Have a nice life, Hong Joshua.”

Joshua laughs and then can’t stop, even as Jeonghan gets increasingly annoyed on the other end. It’s only when Jeonghan threatens to hang up that Joshua calms down and they start to talk about something else until Joshua starts to nod off. 

He wakes up with a dead phone on the pillow next to him and the only reason he isn’t late for work is because Junhui knocks on the door and asks him if he’s planning on leaving any time soon. 

The actual day of Chuseok is lowkey. Joshua works and responds to his friends holiday greetings throughout the day. Seokmin sends him a long video where nothing really happens except Seokmin pesters his older sister and shows Joshua the different foods he’s going to bring back as leftovers. He Skypes his parents over his lunch break and tries to reassure him mom that yes, he is eating enough and not to worry. 

When he gets home, Junhui grins as he shows Joshua his phone, his messages with his family spammed with holiday greetings and gifs. He _yells_ when Joshua presents him with the mooncakes, and tears into the packaging right away, shoving half a cake in his mouth in one go. 

“Who were you talking to on the phone last night?” Junhui asks after their Chinese takeout arrives and they’ve spread it across the table. Joshua didn’t really care what they ate, so he let Junhui pick. 

“Such a good hyung,” Junhui had cooed, and then even ordered some of the dishes with a lower spice level, just for Joshua.

“Um, a friend,” Joshua hedges. The longer he keeps the secret from his friends, the guiltier he feels, but it’s getting past the point of too late by now. 

“I must not be that good of a friend to you,” Junhui says musingly. 

“Why would you say that?” Joshua asks. “Jun — that’s not true.”

“Well, you don’t giggle like that when you talk to me.” Junhui’s mouth twists into an amused smirk. 

“Shut up,” Joshua says, blush climbing his neck. “Oh my _god._”

Junhui snickers into his food but thankfully lets it drop. 

*

Thankfully, the next day Joshua has off. He still has to work on his papers, so he drifts around the apartment from his laptop, to the kitchen for snacks, to the living room to watch some Netflix when he wants to procrastinate. Mokujin follows him around the apartment as he drifts, and when Joshua’s phone vibrates and he pounces on it, she flees into the depths of Wonwoo’s room. 

“Sorry, Mokujin-ah!” Joshua calls, but he’s just so happy that someone is texting him. He’s been so _bored._

**Junhui**  
_Oh handsome, American hyung_

**Joshua**  
_Wen Junhui? Calling someone else handsome? What do you want._

**Junhui**  
_Food_ 😔

**Joshua**  
_I can make pasta?_

**Junhui**  
💚💚💚

Thankful for the distraction, Joshua starts the longish process of making sauce from scratch, timing it so it will be ready when Junhui gets home from work. He’s not the best cook, though he’s been getting better and wants to continue to improve, but this he can make. There’s a knock just as it starts to boil, so he sets it to simmer as he goes to answer the door. 

“What?” Joshua blinks at Jeonghan standing on his doorstep. Minghao nods from behind Jeonghan. “What’re you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Joshua,” Jeonghan says, mimicking Joshua from their phone call. “It’s cold.”

Joshua steps back, watching in confusion as Jeonghan and Minghao come inside.

“Of course it’s nice to see you,” Joshua says. Jeonghan grins and Joshua hates how cocky it is. And by hate, he means he feels betrayed by how much he loves it. “I just…wasn’t expecting this.”

“Don’t flatter him,” Minghao mutters. “Can I use your bathroom?”

Joshua points him down the hall and then follows hurriedly, closing his bedroom door. He turns to go back to the kitchen, and Jeonghan is right behind him, interested look on his face. 

“Is that your room?”

“Off limits,” Joshua says. He pushes Jeonghan lightly in the chest. 

“Aw,” Jeonghan cajoles. “Shua, why?”

“Because you didn’t tell me you were coming, and it’s messy,” Joshua replies. Normally his room is catalog perfect, but he’d been cleaning earlier and he’s not finished. “So. Off limits.” 

Jeonghan pouts but lets himself be prodded back into the kitchen. He peers into the pot on the stove and looks at Joshua. 

“Did you make this?”

Joshua nods, still trying to come to terms with the fact that two idols are making themselves comfortable in his house. Jeonghan’s wearing glasses, which Joshua notes idly as the front door opens again.

Joshua freezes. 

“I’m back!” Junhui calls. “That smells delicious!” 

He hurries past the kitchen without slowing. Joshua only has time to blink at Jeonghan’s amused face before he hears Junhui’s voice again. 

“Hyung? Who’s in the bathroom? I thought Wonwoo and Seokmin were both gone until Tuesday.” There’s a gasp. “Is this your secret boyfriend?”

“No!” Joshua calls back. 

“Hmmm, sounds fake,” Junhui says. His voice gets louder as he gets closer to the kitchen. Joshua closes his eyes in preparation. “You should’ve told me— oh, hello.”

Joshua opens his eyes again. Junhui is smirking at Jeonghan. 

“Two secret boyfriends?” Junhui asks. “Hong _Joshua._” 

“Please stop…”

Junhui’s head tilts as he considers Jeonghan. “Have we met before?”

“No,” Jeonghan replies. He sounds amused, and when Joshua looks at him, he’s completely at ease, reclining back against the counter. 

“You look really familiar,” Junhui says. 

“Do I?” 

“God,” Joshua mutters. 

He hears the bathroom door open, and watches as Junhui’s head swings around to look at Minghao. His brow furrows. 

“You look really familiar too,” Junhui says. “Wow!”

“Uh,” Minghao says as he comes to stand next to Junhui in the doorway. He looks to Joshua in confusion, probably at the way Junhui is just _staring_ at him. “Hi?”

Junhui peers closer at Minghao, and then looks at Jeonghan again. 

“Huh.” He glances between Minghao and Jeonghan a few more times before suddenly smiling. “I’m dreaming.” 

“No,” Joshua says, finally speaking up. “You’re not.”

“Oh! Alright,” Junhui says. “Then would you like to tell me what the fuck Xu Minghao is doing in our house?”

*

“Well,” Joshua says. “I don’t really know where to start.”

“I know where to start,” Jeonghan says. He’s reclined in the armchair, like he’s got nowhere better to be. “It all started when Shua realized he was obsessed with me and came to see me at KCON.”

Joshua feels his face flush dangerously fast. “That’s not true.” 

“‘Shua?’” Junhui repeats faintly. He’s seated on one end of the couch, as far away from Minghao as he can possibly get. He looks like he doesn’t even want to be sitting that close to him. Minghao, for his part, is also sitting ramrod straight, the cat in his lap. The part of Joshua’s brain that isn’t going _what the fuck_ over and over again notes that Minghao hasn’t really looked away from Junhui since they all relocated to the living room. 

“But you did go to KCON?” Jeonghan fakes confusion. 

“I didn’t know you before that,” Joshua replies. 

“Liar,” Jeonghan says. “You gave me your phone number.”

“What?” Junhui squeaks. Joshua blushes harder. It’s hard to look at Jeonghan when he’s grinning like that, like he’s enjoying himself far too much. It almost feels…flirtatious, which is such a ridiculous thought that Joshua chases it away as soon as he has it. 

“I met Jeonghan, Seungkwan, and Jihoon at Starbucks a few days before KCON,” Joshua explains. “They were lost and needed directions. I didn’t know who they were when I gave Jeonghan my number.”

“See he says that, but then he was at our show,” Jeonghan says. “Looking like he was enjoying himself too.” 

“Well, you guys are good,” Joshua says defensively. Jeonghan looks pleased at the compliment. 

“And you just…became friends?” Junhui asks. Joshua shrugs at the same time Jeonghan does. Minghao rolls his eyes and speaks up for the first time in a while. 

“Jeonghan was excited to have a new friend,” Minghao says. “He wouldn’t shut up about it.” 

Jeonghan’s abrupt laugh startles all of them, and Joshua catches the tail end of the glare he sends Minghao’s way. Minghao smiles and finally settles back into his seat with a satisfied smile on his face. 

“And what?” Junhui asks, darting a look at Minghao. He’s coming back to himself now, Joshua can tell. He looks less shocked. “You met Minghao too and didn’t _tell me?_” He turns to Minghao abruptly. “I know it probably means nothing with how many times you’ve heard this before, but you’re my favorite singer.” 

“Hey,” Jeonghan whines. 

Joshua is used to the way Junhui flirts with everything that breathes, and how he just states things and doesn’t seem to feel embarrassment, but it’s a whole new thing to see him doing it to someone he idolizes. Minghao looks shocked too.

“Thank you,” Minghao says quietly, but Junhui isn’t done. 

“I think your voice is really distinctive, you know? And your dancing…wow. I always wondered how you do your moves so flawlessly. Does your spine not hurt?” Junhui keeps rambling, and Minghao’s eyes grow wider the longer Junhui talks. 

Joshua chances a glance at Jeonghan, wondering how he’s feeling about this situation, but Jeonghan looks delighted. Junhui’s face lights up the longer he talks, his cheeks turning a light pink the faster the words spill out of his mouth. His hands are moving as fast as his mouth, and he looks like he’s about to take off. 

Minghao mutters something that Joshua doesn’t catch, but whatever it is makes Junhui stutter to a stop before frowning at Minghao. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” Minghao replies, looking embarrassed. He redirects his attention to petting Mokujin more attentively. She preens under the attention.

“No, you said, ‘This is ridiculous.’” Junhui’s frown deepens. “What’s ridiculous?”

“How did you…” Minghao blinks. “You know Mandarin?” 

“I’m from Shenzhen,” Junhui replies. The conversation switches to Mandarin then, Junhui and Minghao going back and forth quickly. Minghao finally blurts something out that has him blushing. Junhui blinks quickly, and Joshua can see how he’s blushing too, despite Junhui trying to cover his ears. 

“Hao?” Jeonghan asks, looking between the two of them with real concern on his face now. “What’s going on?” 

“It’s fine,” Minghao says. He peeks another look at Junhui and then looks at the ceiling. Junhui, for once, doesn’t say a word. But he’s smiling, and can’t hide that. 

“I knew I picked the right bias,” Junhui says, propping his elbow on the back of the couch and his head on his fist. 

“Stop looking at me,” Minghao says. “All because I complimented you?” 

“It doesn’t take much to please me,” Junhui replies. 

“Well, this is not what I expected to happen tonight,” Jeonghan says. Minghao glares at him while Joshua wonders exactly what Jeonghan thought was going to happen tonight. 

“So.” Jeonghan says later as he and Minghao are getting ready to leave. They’d all eaten the pasta that Joshua cooked, Joshua continuously apologizing that it wasn’t fancy and not as good as their moms’ cooking before Minghao told him to shut up and took another, heaping portion. Minghao is still helping Junhui carry the dirty dishes into the kitchen, even as Junhui works faster and tries to take plates out of Minghao’s hands. 

“So?”

“So…” Jeonghan clears his throat. “Boyfriend?”

Joshua keeps wiping down the table and thinks about how to answer. “Yeah,” he says eventually, jutting his chin out and willing his voice not to waver. “One day, hopefully.”

He can see Jeonghan staring at him out of the corner of his eye, the napkin in his hands twisted tight. At Joshua’s words, his hands jerk and the napkin rips in half. 

“Oh,” he says. “Cool.”

Joshua lets out a little breathless laugh. 

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Cool.”

*

“Joshua-hyung,” Junhui says, watching Joshua tune his guitar in the living room. Joshua already hates the tone of his voice. “Will you play us something?”

“Can you play ‘20?’” Seokmin asks, waggling his eyebrows. Joshua glares at him. 

“I’m not taking requests, sorry,” he says. 

“Oh please,” Seokmin asks, laying himself out on the couch and turning his face up to look at Joshua. “I’ll bake you something.”

That has Joshua reconsidering. He hums thoughtfully. 

“Fine,” he says. “But I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

It’s been a few weeks since Junhui discovered that Joshua knew Jeonghan, and by extension, the rest of Seventeen. Joshua had felt stupid keeping it from Wonwoo and Seokmin any longer, so he’d told both of them when they got back from Chuseok.

(“There were idols? Here?” Seokmin had asked. “In this house?”

His voice had climbed a few octaves, and he hadn’t believed them until Junhui showed him a picture of Joshua and Jeonghan talking over dinner, one that Joshua didn’t even know he’d taken. 

“You _cooked_ for them?” Seokmin had shrieked. Wonwoo had simply shrugged, but since then has joined in on Seokmin and Junhui’s teasing any time Jeonghan or Seventeen comes up, despite Joshua’s protests that it’s not like they think it is.) 

“Fine,” Seokmin says now. “I just want to hear it.” 

So Joshua plays and even sings, though he forgets some of the lyrics. Seokmin happily fills in the blanks. It’s a nice little study break, and he doesn’t think anything more of it until his phone lights up later with a call from Jeonghan. 

“I thought you were busy,” Joshua says as he answers.

“I am. Super busy all the time,” Jeonghan says in a rush. “But there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Okay?” Joshua asks, heart rate kicking up a notch. “What is it?” 

“Are you trying to put me out of a job?” Jeonghan asks. 

“What?”

“You sing it better than I do, how is that fair—”

“Jeonghan, what—”

“It’s unacceptable is what it is—”

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Joshua says, finally successfully talking over Jeonghan. 

“The video, Shua,” Jeonghan says. “Don’t be coy.”

“What video?” Joshua asks. 

“On Wonwoo’s instagram,” Jeonghan says impatiently. 

Joshua blinks. “Hold on one second.” He brings the phone down from his ear and pulls up Instagram, paging over to Wonwoo’s story and starting it before closing out after only a few seconds. He didn’t even realize Wonwoo was in the room when he was playing. 

“I’ll have to call you back,” Joshua says. 

He heads out of his bedroom, knocking and entering Wonwoo’s room all in one motion. He’s on his bed next to Seokmin, showing him something on his laptop, but he tumbles off the bed when Joshua storms in. The cat pelts out of the room, and Joshua will be lucky if he doesn’t find a hairball on his pillow later. 

“Uh, hyung?” 

Joshua holds up his phone. “Your Instagram story?” 

“I can explain.”

“I can’t believe you would do this to me—”

“Hyung, it was so good though,” Seokmin chimes in. “Why is it such a big deal?”

“Jeonghan _watched it,_” Joshua groans. Wonwoo’s mouth drops open in surprise and Seokmin squeaks. Joshua flops facedown on Wonwoo’s bed and groans again.

“I’m going back to America,” Joshua whispers. “Or maybe Antarctica.”

“Hyung,” Wonwoo says. “My god.”

“It was still really good,” Seokmin says. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

Joshua whines again, and a silence falls over the room. He can feel the significant looks Wonwoo and Seokmin are sharing over his head. 

“Sorry, hyung,” Wonwoo says eventually, sounding sheepish and actually sorry.

“It’s alright,” Joshua whispers. “Now quiet down so I can die in peace.”

*

**Jeonghan**  
_First of all I can’t believe you hung up on me_

**Joshua**  
_What’s the second of all_

**Jeonghan**  
_Don’t question me_

**Joshua**  
_Sorry for hanging up_  
_I had to take care of something_

**Jeonghan**  
_Is Wonwoo-ssi still alive?_

**Joshua**  
_:)_  
_For now_

*

Joshua’s phone vibrates, and he yanks his head up from his notebook. He’s in a study room on campus, trying to see if stopping himself from going home will help him be more productive. The privacy allows him to answer the call without feeling guilty, though he still keeps his voice down. 

“Hello?” As he answers, he realizes he didn’t even check to see if he knew who was calling. He pulls the phone away and sees an unknown number. He almost just hangs up, but then he hears a voice, loud and clear through the speaker despite holding it away from him. 

“Joshua-hyung?”

Joshua brings the phone back to his ear. “Yeah? Who is this?”

“It’s Soonyoung!” 

“Oh, hi,” Joshua smiles, though Soonyoung can’t see it. “What’s up?”

“What are you doing right now?” 

Joshua looks at his spread of notebooks, the half-finished essay on his laptop, and sighs. 

“Dying.”

“What?” Soonyoung asks, sounding worried.

“Studying,” Joshua says quickly. “I’m studying.”

“Ah.” Soonyoung hums in commiseration. “Well, do you want to go get ramyeon?”

“Right now?” 

“Yeah!” Soonyoung sounds excited. “I have a hair appointment and then I can meet you somewhere to eat? It’s just that everyone has gotten to hang out with you a lot and I haven’t.”

“Oh,” Joshua says. “Yeah, okay! Where should I meet you?”

Soonyoung’s directions bring him to a fancy looking salon. Joshua feels weird about going inside, because he doesn’t have an appointment and would never have money to get anything done at this place, but Soonyoung had told him to him come in. He doesn’t spot Soonyoung right away, but the now-familiar call of “Joshua-hyung!” leads him to Soonyoung’s seat near the back. 

“I like your shirt!” Soonyoung compliments as Joshua draws closer.

“Thanks,” Joshua says with a smile, plucking at the garment. He’d gone shopping with Junhui recently, and he’s been trying out different styles than he would wear at home. He’s happy to hear it’s paying off. 

“They’re just getting to me now,” Soonyoung says apologetically. He turns to the woman putting a cape around his neck. “This is Jinyul. She’s the nicest stylist noona because she always has snacks. Are you hungry?”

“Nice to meet you,” Joshua says, remembering to bow politely. Jinyul smiles and says, “You too.”

“I can wait,” Joshua says to Soonyoung. “I’m not that hungry yet.”

Soonyoung gives him a disbelieving look, like he can’t believe anyone would never not be hungry. Joshua shrugs and settles down in a chair to watch Jinyul work on Soonyoung’s hair. 

“What color are you going for?” Joshua asks, watching the proceedings with interest. 

“Back to black,” Soonyoung answers. “It’s been a little while and I miss it. Trying different colors is fun, but not all the time, you know?” 

Joshua makes a noncommittal noise. Soonyoung looks at him. 

“Have you ever dyed your hair?”

Joshua shakes his head. “I’ve thought about it, but never followed through.”

Soonyoung’s face lights up. “Do you want to try today?”

Joshua’s eyes widen. He really does want to try, but not in this high-end salon.

Soonyoung must see his hesitation, because he says, “Technically Woozi was supposed to come get his hair done too, but he got caught up at the studio. They got everything ready for him, so it’s just going to be thrown out if no one uses it.” 

Joshua looks at Jinyul and she nods. “It’s true. And I don’t mind. I had another appointment cancel so I have time.”

“Okay, sure. Thank you,” Joshua says. Soonyoung claps with glee as Joshua gets set up in the chair next time. 

“What color?”

“Oh,” Joshua hesitates. “Um. I don’t know.”

Soonyoung pins him with a knowing look. “Nuh uh. I saw that look on your face. Something just popped into your head immediately, but you’re second guessing yourself. What is it?”

Joshua can’t believe he’s so easy to read. “Pink,” he says. “But I’m not an idol. It would be stupid for me to have it.”

“Says who?” Soonyoung cries. “Do pink!” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Hyung,” Soonyoung says, looking so serious. “It will look good on you. I promise.”

Joshua looks at Soonyoung and can tell that Soonyoung is being honest with him. 

“All right,” Joshua says. “I’ll do it.”

It’s a little terrifying at first, but once Jinyul starts applying the bleach, there’s no going back. Soonyoung takes a few pictures of them, and Joshua does his best to look presentable despite the dye cap on his head.

“We should look ugly in this picture, but you still look so good,” Soonyoung says. “How is that fair?”

“How long will this take?” Joshua asks quicky, to cover up his embarrassment of Kwon Soonyoung of all people saying he looks good. 

“Well, there’s bleach, then the pink, and then the styling,” Soonyoung says, looking at the pictures on his phone. “Like three hours, probably.”

“Oh wow,” Joshua says. “Aren’t you hungry? I’m sorry I’m holding us up.”

“I won’t be done that much quicker than you,” Soonyoung says. “It’s okay. Plus, I’m excited for this. It’s worth the wait.”

That sentiment lasts until Joshua is post-wash to get the last of the bleach out. Jinyul’s snacks didn’t do much to sate their hunger. 

“Oh my god,” Soonyoung groans. “I might die.”

“I might eat two bowls of ramyeon,” Joshua says. “Maybe some pork buns.”

“Oh my _god._” Soonyoung slumps down in his chair. _“Buns.”_

Soonyoung uses his phone to pull up the menu of the place he wants to go to, and they look over their options. When it’s time for the hair dye to be applied, Soonyoung falls asleep in his chair, and Joshua thinks that’s a great idea, and does the same. 

“Like a true idol,” Soonyoung says some time later, after he’s poked Joshua awake. “Are you ready to see?”

Joshua avoids looking in the mirrors as his hair gets washed again, and keeps his eyes closed as Jinyul gets to work with the product and the hair dryer. When the dryer clicks off and Jinyul steps back, Joshua still keeps his eyes shut. 

“Please look at yourself,” Soonyoung says. “Hyung.”

Joshua cracks open one eye, and then the other. 

He looks...different. 

“Oh.” 

“Do you like it?” Jinyul asks. 

“I do,” Joshua says quickly. “I really do. Thank you.”

“Now, food!” Soonyoung cries, leading the way out of the salon and down the street. Joshua’s bag of new haircare products crinkles at his side as he hurries to follow. 

Their stomachs growl simultaneously when they enter the restaurant and they exchange grins as they find seats. Soonyoung opts for a table rather than the individual booths, and at Joshua’s questioning look says, “Oh yeah, Jeonghannie-hyung is coming.”

“What?” Joshua says. “Right now?”

“Yeah!” Soonyoung says brightly. “Are you gonna sit?”

Joshua startles from where he’d frozen in the middle of pulling his chair out. He sits, arranges his napkin on his lap, and thanks the waiter when he drops off glasses of water. He tries not to fiddle with his hair, but can’t help reaching up and smoothing down the back. He catches Soonyoung watching him and drops his hand, embarrassed. 

“You don’t have to be nervous,” Soonyoung says, efficiently filling out their order form. “You look good.”

“I’m not,” Joshua replies quickly. “What are you —”

“Hoshi-yah,” comes a familiar drawl. “You said Shua would be here too, what’s the big—”

Jeonghan’s voice dies as he comes to a stop next to the table. Joshua doesn’t look for as long as he’s able, but the silence becomes too much and he looks up. Jeonghan is just _staring_ at him with this indecipherable look on his face. Joshua wonders how long he’ll have to know Jeonghan before he’s able to read his face. Maybe it’ll never happen. 

“You’re in the way, hyung.”

Jeonghan startles at Soonyoung’s voice, and then hurriedly sits down in the empty seat next to Joshua. Joshua turns back to the menu, even though he already knows what he wants. Maybe he’ll change his mind. He can feel Jeonghan’s gaze burning into the side of his face, but when he finally peeks over, Jeonghan is studying his own menu. He’s frowning a little, and Joshua feels the disappointment hit hard. 

“Hi, Jeonghan,” he finally says, pushing past the embarrassment welling up in his throat. Who cares if Jeonghan hates his hair? It doesn’t matter what he thinks. 

Jeonghan finally looks up, and his gaze locks with Joshua’s. 

“Did we forget to do that?” Jeonghan asks. “Hi, Shua.”

“Shua,” Soonyoung repeats quietly to himself across the table. 

“Yes?” Joshua answers in amusement. 

“Oh nothing.” Soonyoung marks one last thing in their order form and stands up. “I’ll just turn this in.”

He leaves them alone at the table without a backwards glance. 

Joshua reaches up and scratches the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable and itchy. 

“So,” Jeonghan says finally. “Did you—” He cuts himself off, but not before Joshua turns to him with a smirk on his face. 

“Dye my hair?” Joshua asks. “No. This happened naturally.”

“You dick,” Jeonghan says easily. Joshua laughs. Jeonghan glances up at his hair again. “It looks good, Shua.”

“Are you just saying that?” 

“No,” Jeonghan replies firmly. “You look really—” 

“What did I miss?” Soonyoung asks.

“—pretty,” Jeonghan finishes, just as Soonyoung plops back down in his seat. 

There’s an extended moment of silence where no one says anything. Joshua can’t look away from Jeonghan, who is staring determinedly back at him, not backing down from his compliment. 

“Thank you,” Joshua manages to say eventually. He shrugs a shoulder and goes back to his menu, even as the elation flutters in his chest. _Yoon Jeonghan said you look pretty, what the fuck!_ “Took you long enough.”

“Oooo,” Soonyoung says lowly. “We’re keeping you forever, hyung.”

Jeonghan mutters something under his breath, but when Joshua chances a peek at him, he’s smiling down at his own menu, looking almost proud. Joshua presses his lips together to try and contain his own smile, but sees Soonyoung’s knowing smirk across the table. At Joshua’s pointed eyebrow raise, he looks down at his phone, but he’s grinning too. 

*

Joshua frowns at the lotion in his hands and puts it back on the shelf. He walks around to look at the perfumes on the other wide before sighing and going back to his original item, picking it up again. He’s shaking his head and getting ready to put it back again when his mini-meltdown is interrupted. 

“Oh my god,” Wonwoo says. “Just buy it.”

Joshua freezes. “How long have you been standing there?” 

“Long enough,” Wonwoo replies. His own bag of bath bombs and hand cream is hanging by his side. Joshua thought Wonwoo would be stuck in line longer. “If you’re not sure about it, just get a sample.”

“It’s not for me,” Joshua says automatically. Wonwoo’s eyebrows raise in interest. 

“A present?” Wonwoo hums thoughtfully. Joshua doesn’t like the look on his face and puts the hand cream back, heading for the exit in a hurry. Wonwoo follows close behind.

“Jun’s birthday and my birthday are in the summer, so it’s not for us,” Wonwoo says thoughtfully. “Seokminnie’s birthday isn’t until February, so it’s not for him. Hmmm.”

Joshua squints against the afternoon sun and waits for it. 

“It could be for one of your parents, but the duties and shipping are ridiculous, you’d probably just order online and have it sent to them,” Wonwoo continues. “So who could you know that has a birthday coming up?”

“I lied,” Joshua says. “It was for me.”

“Oh, I see,” Wonwoo says. “It wasn’t a present for Jeonghan-ssi? Whose birthday is next week?”

“No,” Joshua replies. “And he told you to call him hyung.”

“I can’t,” Wonwoo replies, distracted from his teasing for a moment. “I can’t do it.”

“They call me hyung,” Joshua says. 

“You’re special,” Wonwoo replies offhandedly. He moves on, not realizing how his comment affected Joshua. “Anyway. Jeonghan-ssi will be upset if you forget to give him a birthday present.”

“Don’t you think it’s weird?” Joshua asks, dropping all pretenses. Wonwoo smiles at his victory. “Like, who do I think I am to buy Yoon Jeonghan a birthday present? He has enough money to buy something way better.”

“That’s not the point, and you know it,” Wonwoo says. “You’re friends, aren’t you?”

“I guess,” Joshua says. 

“That’s pretty much a yes or no question,” Wonwoo replies. 

“Yes,” Joshua replies sullenly.

“Then there you go,” Wonwoo says. 

Joshua sighs. He looks at the store they’ve stopped in front of. 

“Do you want a coffee? My treat.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back?” 

Joshua hesitates long enough that Wonwoo rolls his eyes. 

“Just _go,_” Wonwoo insists. “I’ll go in and order the coffee.”

“Okay. _Okay,_” Joshua says. He goes back the way they came and throws a, “Thank you!” over his shoulder. 

Wonwoo mutters something that Joshua doesn’t catch, but the tone has him grinning all the way back to the store. 

*

The present for Jeonghan gets tucked away in his closet and (mostly) forgotten about until the day suddenly arrives. Joshua absolutely does not dive into the birthday hashtags on Twitter, and no one can prove otherwise. He’s debating a birthday text versus a birthday call — Jeonghan prefers talking to texting but he’s also has a busy schedule this week — when the decision is taken out of his hands by a call from Soonyoung. 

“I told you he’d answer,” Soonyoung is saying as Joshua picks up. 

“Who said I wouldn’t answer?” Joshua asks. 

“They said you’d stare at your phone until it stopped ringing,” Soonyoung says. 

“I...am guilty of doing that,” Joshua admits. He hears more mumbling on Soonyoung’s end, and then snickering. “What? What is it?”

“Call him yourself,” Soonyoung says as another voice pushes in to say, “You always answer when it’s Jeonghan.”

Joshua gapes at the wall. It’s white and boring and he needs to put something up. “That’s— I don’t.” Then the voice clicks. “Was that _Seungcheol_ treating me like that?”

“He likes having another same-age friend he can be rude to,” Soonyoung says. 

“_Anyway_ — what did you call about?” Joshua asks. 

“Oh yeah, we’re doing cake and stuff for Jeonghannie-hyung later tonight and you should be there for it.”

“Oh,” Joshua says. “It’s not like...a thing just for you guys?”

“Well,” Soonyoung says. Joshua hears Seungcheol say, “I can’t with them,” and then Soonyoung shushes him quickly before continuing. “It’s a thing for Jeonghan and he’d want you there so…”

“Okay,” Joshua says, face heating up. He’s glad no one can see it. “I’ll be there.”

Later that night, Joshua is finally on his way out — Soonyoung had tried to send a car but Joshua had insisted that he could get there himself — and he needs to hurry to make one of the next few trains so he won’t be late. 

Wonwoo passes by from the kitchen to the living room as Joshua is putting on his shoes. He has a bowl of popcorn in his hands, a snack for the movie night Joshua saw Seokmin setting up earlier.

“I can’t believe you’re ditching us to hang out with idols,” Seokmin had sighed as Joshua moved back and forth between his bedroom and the bathroom as he got ready. “This is unreal.” It took Joshua a while to finish getting dressed — Junhui wasn’t there to help him with his outfit, and Seokmin approved everything while Wonwoo just told him to wear what was comfortable.

“Hyung,” Wonwoo says now. “Where’s the present?”

“I don’t know what time I’ll be back,” Joshua says. “I’ll text you guys, though.” 

Wonwoo eats a piece of popcorn with an unimpressed look on his face, and then disappears from view. He returns as Joshua is reaching for his coat, gift bag in hand. 

“Don’t forget this,” Wonwoo says sweetly. Joshua takes the bag with a strained smile. 

“Thanks,” he says, as if he hadn’t purposely left the present in his closet. He didn’t like the idea of showing up with _no_ present, but he was going to stall and say it was on the way, and that would give him more time to find something better. 

“No problem,” Wonwoo replies with an innocent smile. “Have fun.”

“Bye, hyung!” Seokmin calls from the living room. “Tell Jeonghan-ssi I said happy birthday!” 

“I will,” Joshua replies. There’s a thump from the living room and then Seokmin appears in the hallway too, eyes wide. 

“Oh wow,” Seokmin says. “Will you really?”

“Of course,” Joshua says. “You know, I should’ve asked if you guys could come—”

“No!” Seokmin shouts. Joshua and Wonwoo jump in surprise at the outburst. “Oh my god! No. That would be— Wow. That would be too much. I’d probably die.”

“They’re just normal guys,” Wonwoo says, his normally chill tone taking on an edge of something else. Joshua’s eyebrows jump up in surprise. He’s only seen Wonwoo get mad a few times before, and it was usually in response to a video game. This is new. 

“They’re just, I dunno, intimidating,” Seokmin mumbles. “They’re really pretty and funny.”

“So are you,” Wonwoo replies. Seokmin’s eyes go wide as he stares at Wonwoo, rendered speechless. Joshua doesn’t know what to say either. He almost thinks they’ve forgot he was standing there until Wonwoo turns to him quickly. 

“See you later, hyung,” he says, and then turns away. The back of his neck is flushed a bright red. Seokmin and Joshua watch him go in silence. 

“I better go before I’m late,” Joshua says, startling Seokmin out of his thoughts. 

“Okay, have fun,” Seokmin says, sounding distracted. He drifts back toward the living room and Wonwoo, a bemused smile on his face. 

Joshua has the entire subway ride to think about the exchange, using the new information to reexamine other interactions he’s observed between Seokmin and Wonwoo. After the initial discussion about skinship and all of his roommates’ insistence that they were not dating, Joshua wrote their familiarity off as friendship and nothing more. But maybe that’s not right. 

The speculating takes Joshua all the way to the front door of the dorm where he texts Soonyoung that he’s arrived. He doesn’t remember the present — and his hesitance about it — until Soonyoung sees him and says, “Oh you got him a present? That’s so sweet!”

He ushers Joshua through the lobby and into the elevator, talking in a lower voice than normal as they reach the right floor.

“Perfect timing too,” Soonyoung says. “Mingyu’s almost done cooking.”

“Why are we whispering?” Joshua whispers.

“It’s a surprise for Jeonghannie-hyung that you’re here,” Soonyoung whispers back as he opens the door. A burst of nerves ricochets through Joshua’s body, the brief thought of _what if he’s unhappy I’m here?_ flitting across his brain before he pushes it away. He and Jeonghan are friends. 

Joshua breathes in the scent of tomato sauce and his mouth starts to water. “Mingyu’s making pasta?”

“It’s hyung’s favorite,” Soonyoung replies. Joshua smiles, thinking of the night Jeonghan and Minghao had dropped in and had pasta with him and Junhui. A tiny part of him is proud for feeding Jeonghan his favorite food without realizing it. 

Jeonghan is in the kitchen with Mingyu when Joshua and Soonyoung get there, poking Mingyu in the ribs and asking for a taste of the sauce. 

“It’s not ready yet hyung,” Mingyu says, trying to block Jeonghan from dipping a spoon into the pot. 

Jeonghan pouts and Joshua stifles a laugh. 

“Please,” he says. Mingyu sighs and steps aside to let Jeonghan at it. Jeonghan hums happily as he tastes the sauce. “It’s delicious, Mingyu-yah.”

“Better than Joshua-hyung’s?” Mingyu asks, sending an amused wink Joshua’s way. Jeonghan freezes, clearly torn between loyalties. Joshua wants to hear the answer, but Soonyoung fails to stifle a laugh next to him, and Jeonghan’s attention swings toward them in the doorway. 

“What’s this?” Jeonghan’s hand drifts up to touch his hair unconsciously. It’s a little messy, like he wasn’t finished getting ready before he came to bother Mingyu. Joshua thinks he looks just as nice as when it’s perfectly styled. His attention drops to the bag hanging from Joshua’s elbow. “What’s _that?_”

“Nothing,” Joshua says reflexively, hiding the bag behind his bag. Jeonghan’s eyes narrow dangerously and Joshua laughs self-consciously before holding it out. 

“It really is nothing,” he says with a shrug. Jeonghan stares at the present and then at Joshua. Joshua shifts awkwardly on his feet, wishing they were alone. He’s already embarrassed, and he’d rather it be in front of fewer people.

“Mingyu-yah, do you need help setting the table?” Soonyoung asks loudly, as if he read Joshua’s mind. Mingyu nods and reaches into a drawer to grab a handful of chopsticks before following Soonyoung out of the kitchen. Jeonghan waits until they’re gone before taking the bag from Joshua and reaching in past the tissue paper. He pulls out the bottle of lotion and smiles, immediately pulling of the cap so he can smell it. 

“It’s not much,” Joshua blurts before he can help himself. “I’m sure you have like, better quality stuff, but it smelled nice and made me think of you, so—“

“Thank you, Shua,” Jeonghan says, cutting Joshua off smoothly. He steps forward as if he’s going in for a hug, and Joshua tenses up at the sudden movement. Jeonghan stops and frowns.

“Right. Sorry,” Jeonghan says. “No skinship.”

Joshua swallows his disappointment. He’s trying to figure out if it would be more embarrassing to pull Jeonghan in, or say out loud that he would very much like a hug please. The awkwardness that settles around then is shattered by a new voice joining them in the kitchen. 

“Is it time to eat yet?” Seungcheol asks, bouncing into the kitchen and peering into the pot. 

“Soon,” Jeonghan says. “I’m gonna show Shua my room.”

“You are?” Joshua asks. 

“Oh, okay,” Seungcheol says, wilting a little. Jeonghan hesitates and then says, “Just come with us then.”

Seungcheol happily follows them to Jeonghan’s room, eyeing the bottle in Jeonghan’s hand.

“What is that?”

“My birthday present from Shua,” Jeonghan says, holding it protectively. “Don’t even think about it, Coups. It’s not for you.” 

“I’m just looking!” Seungcheol says. He sounds pretty innocent too, but Joshua has heard stories from both Jeonghan and Minghao about the things Seungcheol likes to steal. 

“Exactly,” Jeonghan says darkly. “Look away.”

Seungcheol obediently closes his eyes, and Jeonghan quickly hides the lotion under his pillows. He reaches out and purposefully rattles something on his desk before taking a seat on the bed. Joshua tries to contain his laughter, but a snort escapes. 

“He hid it under his pillow, didn’t he?” Seungcheol asks with a grin. Jeonghan looks murderous, which only makes Joshua laugh harder. 

“This is not how I thought this was going to go,” Jeonghan says. “I thought you’d be with me, as in, against Seungcheol.”

“Give it time,” Joshua says. Seungcheol gasps and his eyes fly open. 

“I thought we were going to be friends,” Seungcheol pouts. 

“Of course we are,” Joshua says hurriedly, never expecting to have to convince an idol of their friendship. “I’ll take turns.”

“That’s cold,” Jeonghan says. “I like it.”

Seungcheol sighs dramatically and flops across the end of Jeonghan’s bed. He makes himself comfortable, propping his head up with one hand, and looks at Jeonghan assessingly. 

“Fix your hair,” Seungcheol states. 

“You fix your hair,” Jeonghan snipes back. “Shua, can you pass me that comb?”

Joshua, who awkwardly stayed standing by the desk while Seungcheol got comfortable, scans the items for the comb in question. He hands it over and watches as Jeonghan drags it through his hair a few times before stopping. 

“I think I’m making it worse,” he says with a pout. Seungcheol makes no move to help him, and Joshua looks between them for a few seconds before saying, “I can do it.”

Jeonghan looks too pleased with himself, and Joshua feels like he’s been duped as he steps closer. Jeonghan rearranges himself with his back to Joshua, and his shoulders relax minutely as Joshua starts to comb his hair. Joshua takes his time, smoothing out the weird spots where Jeonghan had clearly laid on it. When he feels like he’s done enough, he steps back. 

“Let me see,” he says. Jeonghan obediently turns to face Joshua, eyelashes fluttering exaggeratedly. Seungcheol scoffs. 

“Stop looking at me,” Joshua mutters, surveying his work. Jeonghan laughs, but closes his eyes. His hair looks a little too perfect, so Joshua reaches out and combs through the locks with his fingers, giving it a more tousled look. He can feel Seungcheol looking at him, and he drops his hand quickly, feeling embarrassed at the intimacy. Jeonghan’s eyes flutter open as Joshua backs away, and his smile is as disarming as ever, only it’s much harder to deal with this close. 

“Thanks, Shua,” Jeonghan says with a smile. 

“You’re welcome,” Joshua replies. The back of his neck feels hot.

“You can sit too,” Seungcheol offers, reminding Joshua that they’re not alone. Instead of sitting down, he backs further away. 

“No, I want to be nosy,” Joshua says, stepping closer to the desk again. He puts the comb down and scans the contents for something to distract himself from his blush, zeroing in on the shelves above the desk. 

“He doesn’t like cuddling,” Jeonghan says to Seungcheol. Joshua focuses hard on the line of figures on the shelf and thinks, _that’s not true._

“I still haven’t seen your room,” Jeonghan directs at Joshua. 

“You haven’t been over again,” Joshua says. He means to state it as a fact, because that’s what it is, but it comes out sad. But it’s true. Most of the time they hang out in public, which hasn’t bothered Joshua much up until this moment. It’s more intimate to be standing in Jeonghan’s room, looking at his knicknacks, while his friends make a lot of noise down the hall. 

Joshua wants that intimacy with Jeonghan, but he doesn’t know how to ask for it. 

A single knock at the door precedes Soonyoung’s entrance. He comes in and immediately crawls onto the bed, looking pleased as he sandwiches himself between Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Seungcheol immediately drops an arm over Soonyoung’s waist and draws him closer, and Soonyoung’s giggle is muffled where his face presses into Seungcheol’s chest. 

Joshua squints as he watches the two of them cuddle. If he were back home, he’d think they were dating, but he’s pretty sure that’s not the case here. However, when he looks to Jeonghan and sees him also watching them with a slight, contemplative frown, he’s not so sure anymore. Jeonghan looks up, as if he can feel Joshua watching him, and the confusion on his face disappears. Once again, Joshua has no idea what Jeonghan’s thinking. 

“Hoshi-yah,” Jeonghan says, drawing Soonyoung and Seungcheol out of their little bubble. “Was there a reason you came in here?”

“I wanted to hang out,” Soonyoung says. “Also, it’s time to eat.”

“You should’ve led with that!” Seungcheol rolls off the bed lightning fast and heads for the door. Soonyoung’s face dims before he recovers just as quickly. He smiles at Joshua as he gets to his feet too. 

Joshua follows them all down the hallway, feeling more confused than ever. 

*

Joshua is typing a paper at his desk when Junhui finds him. He’d left his bedroom door open, hoping that one of his roommates would walk by and distract him, and he’s rewarded for his foresight by Junhui walking in and draping himself across Joshua’s bed. 

“I’m hungry,” Junhui complains. 

Joshua snaps his laptop shut. “Let’s go eat.”

“What do you want?” Joshua asks as they board the bus. They have a few stops before they have to decide when to get off, but after living with Junhui and the others for a few months now, he knows how long it can take them to come to a consensus on meals sometimes. 

“Ramyeon,” Junhui answers immediately. 

“I know a good place,” Joshua says, thinking of the place Soonyoung brought him. He’s been back a few times, but not with any of his roommates. He knows Junhui will like it. He’s seen some ridiculously spicy options on their menu. 

Junhui grins at him, and it’s a little more fond than usual. 

“What’s up?” Joshua asks. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. You’re just cute,” Junhui replies. Joshua sputters, but finds he’s not too upset about being called cute. “You seem like you’re really fitting in well, hyung.” 

“Thanks,” Joshua mumbles, pleased that Junhui thinks so. Sometimes he feels like such an outsider. He wonders what he’ll feel like in a few more months. 

The restaurant is crowded when they get there, and they have to stand in the entryway for minute while a worker tries to see if there’s a table or individual booths available. Someone steps inside behind them, letting in a cold burst of air before shutting the door quickly.

“Sorry,” the guy says. Joshua frowns at him, trying to place why the voice sounds familiar. He takes in the big sweater and hat pulled low, but the guy is busy texting, so Joshua can’t see his face. He’s wearing a face mask anyway. Joshua is about to turn back to Junhui when he notices the ring on the guy’s pinky. 

“Seungcheol?” Joshua asks, reaching up and tugging down his own mask. The guy startles and looks up, and sure enough, it’s Seungcheol. 

“Joshua, hey,” Seungcheol says, eyes crinkling above the mask as he presumably smiles at Joshua. 

“Hyung, they have a table,” Junhui says, turning to Joshua. He looks at Seungcheol in confusion, but Joshua can tell he doesn’t recognize who he is because he doesn’t have a meltdown. 

“Can you ask if there’s room for three?” Joshua asks. Junhui nods and turns back to the worker. Joshua turns to Seungcheol. “That is — if you want to eat with us? If you want to eat alone we won’t be offended.”

“No, I’ll eat with you,” Seungcheol says. “I’m only here alone because no one else could come.” He says the second part with a pout clear in his voice. Junhui shoots Seungcheol curious looks as they’re seated, but Joshua waits until they get to the table before introducing his companions to each other. 

“Jun, I need you to promise me something, because we’re in public,” Joshua says as they strip off their coats and Seungcheol starts to reach for his mask. 

“Okay?” Junhui says, gaze darting between Joshua and Seungcheol.

“You need to not yell, okay?” Joshua says. Junhui nods, and Joshua hopes he actually means it as he says, “Wen Junhui, Choi Seungcheol. Seungcheol, this is Jun.”

Junhui’s eyes widen at the same time that his mouth drops open in a surprised ‘o.’ Joshua braces for the worst, but all that comes out of Junhui’s mouth is a raspy sound. 

“You know, this is way better than I thought it would go,” Joshua says. “He cursed at Minghao when he first met him.”

“I did not _curse at him,_” Junhui hisses, recovering faster than Joshua expected. “I cursed in his vicinity.” 

“That’s not what he said,” Seungcheol says. 

“Oh god,” Junhui whimpers. Seungcheol winks conspiratorially at Joshua, who shakes his head and looks at the menu. He’s making it his mission to try everything once, and so far it’s all been delicious. “Wait. He’s talked about me?” 

“Well, he talks about Shua more,” Seungcheol says.

“Hard not to,” Joshua says mildly. Junhui lets out a small noise next to him, amused or exasperated, Joshua’s not sure.

“But you’ve come up, yeah,” Seungcheol says. Joshua peeks at him, not sure if Seungcheol is just playing it up to make Junhui happy. “He said he liked the pictures of your hot dog machine.” 

Joshua blinks. Junhui had come home with that a while ago and made a big deal about it, but Joshua had forgotten about it until now. It’s not something that he can remember mentioning to Jeonghan or Minghao.

“My hot dog machine?” Junhui asks. “I didn’t show him…” Junhui’s head hits the table, and Joshua and Seungcheol jump in surprise. 

“What’s the matter with you?” Joshua asks. Seungcheol pokes Junhui’s arm lightly with a pair of chopsticks. 

“He’s seen my Weibo,” Junhui groans into the table. “How did he find me? _Why_ did he find me?”

Joshua is about to ask why that matters, but then he remembers his own meltdown when the others found his Instagram. He pats Junhui’s arm consolingly. Seungcheol presses his hands to his mouth to try and contain his laughter, but he doesn’t do a very good job.

Junhui snaps out of his dramatics once the food arrives. Seungcheol watches in horror at the amount of spicy sauce Junhui adds to his bowl, and his face immediately makes Junhui turn and order more. 

“Don’t kill him,” Joshua says as Junhui pours sauce into Seungcheol’s bowl. “His members need him.”

Right before they get ready to leave, Junhui heads to the bathroom, which gives Joshua the opportunity to bring something up that’s been bothering him since he first saw Seungcheol tonight. To be honest, his first thought when he saw Seungcheol was that he looked...kind of terrible. He looks pale and exhausted, and though the food seems to have revived him somewhat, it’s still obvious it is that Seungcheol is just — tired. 

“Seungcheol,” Joshua starts slowly. “Are you okay?”

Seungcheol looks up from his phone quickly. “What? I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Joshua says, not wanting to push if Seungcheol really is fine. He knows how irritated he gets when people insist something is wrong with him, when it’s literally just his face. “Just...if you ever want to talk, or whatever, I’m available.”

“Oh.” That seems to throw Seungcheol, and he stays silent for a long moment. Then he asks in a smaller voice: “Really?”

“Of course,” Joshua says. “We’re same age friends, remember? We can talk about whatever.”

Seungcheol smiles. “Jeonghannie will be upset,” he jokes. “He says he barely gets any alone time with you as it is.”

“He’ll have to learn to share,” Joshua jokes back.

The whole ride home Junhui talks about the questions he’d wished he’d asked Seungcheol, and Joshua has to remind him that he might see Seungcheol again, which sends Junhui into another tizzy. But Joshua goes to bed that night thinking about the bags under Seungcheol’s eyes. It makes his head hurt just to think about the amount of responsibility that Seungcheol has on his shoulders. He’s only a few months older than Joshua, and Joshua can’t see himself being able to handle that amount of pressure. 

He’s still thinking about it a few days later, trying to figure out a way to help Seungcheol. He can’t force Seungcheol to talk about it, but he can do his best to help him relax and just...hang out like a regular dude.

Seungcheol responds to Joshua’s text enthusiastically, agreeing to meet Joshua later in the day. When they meet, he looks a little more rested than the last time Joshua saw him. 

“No Jun-ssi today?” 

“He needs more time to recover,” Joshua jokes. Seungcheol shakes his head with a laugh. 

“We’re just normal guys.”

Joshua thinks that’s half true. They are just normal guys, but getting to know them better the last few months has shown him the toll idol life can take. But that’s the point of today, to show Seungcheol he _can_ just be a normal guy, at least when he’s hanging out with Joshua. 

“Where do you want to go?” Seungcheol asks, looking around in interest at where Joshua had asked him to meet. 

“Just over here.” Joshua leads Seungcheol down the street to a computer café. Seungcheol looks surprised at first, but his face lights up at the sight of the comfy chairs. 

“Jeonghan said you liked games,” Joshua explains. “He said he couldn’t come because he had studio time.”

“You asked Jeonghannie?” Seungcheol laughs. “No wonder he was so annoyed at me right before I left.”

Joshua feels his face heat up — partially embarrassed, but mostly pleased. 

“We just hung out last week,” Joshua says. 

“That’s like years for him,” Seungcheol says. “He needs constant attention and affirmation.”

That, Joshua has noticed. But he doesn’t hate it. His silence must be telling because Seungcheol’s smile turns suggestive. Joshua is quite aware that his admiration and intimidation of Jeonghan has turned into a small crush, but he doesn’t need it pointed out every minute. It’s something he’s trying not to think too much about, since he knows nothing will come of it. He’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop regarding their friendship, and that Jeonghan will leave his life as quickly as he entered it. 

Seungcheol seems to pick up on the fact that Joshua doesn’t want to talk about it, and the suggestiveness drops from his smile. Joshua supposes that years of dealing with all of his dongsaengs’ myriad of emotions has helped Seungcheol become more sensitive. 

They pass most of the afternoon sitting side-by-side in comfy chairs, taking turns destroying each other. Joshua manages to add Wonwoo into a game too, and Seungcheol gets Mingyu to log on, so soon it’s the four of them playing. When Joshua and Seungcheol’s team wins a round, Joshua holds his hand up for a high five. Seungcheol responds immediately, but instead of dropping his hand, Seungcheol kind of just...holds on. He doesn’t seem to realize he’s holding Joshua’s hand until Joshua gently tugs it away, and then he turns back to his computer with a sheepish, “Sorry.”

Eventually Seungcheol’s stomach rumbles loud enough that Joshua hears it in a break in the music coming from their headphones. He turns to Seungcheol in surprise, and laughs at the stunned look Seungcheol gives him in return. 

“Let’s eat,” Joshua says. Seungcheol follows him outside eagerly. He’s more talkative as they walk for a little while before finding a good lamb skewer place. He looks more lively than tired, which Joshua notes with happiness. 

“Thank you,” Seungcheol says as they get ready to head their separate ways. 

“Anytime,” Joshua says, meaning it. Seungcheol twitches toward him, and it’s not until he sways back onto his heels that Joshua realizes he was about to lean in for a hug. 

_Enough of this,_ Joshua thinks, reaching out to pull Seungcheol into a hug. Seungcheol freezes for a second before melting into it. 

“Jeonghan said—”

“I know,” Joshua says, stepping back and letting Seungcheol go. “I’m not used to the hand holding or cuddling, but I love hugs. I told my roommates hugs are okay but I still haven’t really hugged anyone since moving here.”

As he says it, a hollow feeling in his chest makes itself known. He hadn’t noticed the feeling before, but now that he has, he hates it. 

“Jeonghan hasn’t hugged you at all?” Seungcheol looks shocked. 

“I mentioned I wasn’t exactly comfortable with skinship yet, and he’s taking it super seriously,” Joshua says. “But sometimes I wish…”

“You want to hold his hand,” Seungcheol says with a sly smile. “I see.”

“It’s not— I don’t—” Joshua feels himself blush as he stumbles over his words. “Don’t tell him about this.”

“You think I’m going to tell Jeonghan I got to hug you before he did?” Seungcheol shakes his head. “I’m not trying to die.”

“Shut up,” Joshua mutters, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and happiness again. Seungcheol shoots him another sly look before heading for the train that will take him in the opposite direction of Joshua. Joshua shakes his head as he goes his own way. 

*

October bleeds into November and Joshua and his roommates become busier with schoolwork and his more famous friends become busier with their schedules. Joshua dyes his hair a light brown, exchanges candy with his roommates for Pepero day, and buys an upsetting amount of Pumpkin Spice Lattes. 

Junhui takes Joshua shopping one afternoon after Joshua asks him for help with an outfit. He looks at Joshua’s closet sadly and says, “Is this it? You’ve worn all of this tons of times already.”

“I didn’t bring much with me,” Joshua says with a shrug. “And I’ve never really had to buy warm clothes before.”

Joshua worries about the extravagance of supplementing his meager wardrobe with things warm enough for a winter in Seoul, but all the stores Junhui takes him to are affordable or thrift stores. Junhui shows him how to get a few things he can mix and match, and then a few stand-out pieces for fun.

“And this,” Junhui says, shoving something puffy and slick into Joshua’s arms. 

“This is huge,” Joshua says.

“You’ll need it,” Junhui warns. “Also — the heated floors in the house? You’re gonna love them.”

“We have heated floors?” Joshua asks in amazement. Junhui grins and adds a scarf, hat, and gloves to Joshua’s pile. 

His roommates surprise him with a small chicken when Joshua mentions Skyping his parents before they head off for their Thanksgiving plans. Joshua vaguely remembers answering his roommates’ questions about Thanksgiving without much thought, thinking they were all just interested in learning about the food and customs. They were, he realizes, but only so they could surprise him.

“You missed Chuseok,” Seokmin says sadly. “You shouldn’t miss your Thanksgiving, too.”

“We had our own holiday!” Junhui protests, his voice getting higher with each sentence. “It was much more fun! And then we hung out with idols!”

The more deadlines approach, the more video games are played in the apartment. It’s usually Seokmin and Wonwoo, shoulder to shoulder on the couch as they play and shove each other, but Joshua walks by enough times while avoiding his own papers that Seokmin invites him to play. 

“I get really competitive,” Joshua says as he sits down. “I don’t know if I’m ready for you to see that side of me.” 

“It’s true,” Wonwoo says, and then shies away when Joshua narrows his eyes. 

“Don’t you guys have homework?” Junhui says a little while later, wandering into the living room and leaning on the back of the couch.

“Don’t you?” Joshua replies. Wonwoo loses his final life and stands, a blank look on his face.

“I have to feed Mokujin.”

“Her bowl is full,” Joshua replies, eyes still on the TV. Wonwoo doesn’t reply and leaves anyway.

“I’m doing my homework right now,” Junhui says as he follows Wonwoo into the kitchen. “Tonight’s dinner is the first version of what I’m going to cook for my final.” 

“Okayyy,” Joshua breathes as he dies too. He sets down the controller carefully. “Time to eat!”

“We have time for another game!” Seokmin offers.

“I don’t think we do,” Joshua says. He told Seokmin he was competitive, and he’s not always the best loser either. 

“I’ll play you, Seokmin-ah,” Wonwoo says, reappearing in the room. Seokmin chatters happily as Wonwoo sits back down and rejoins the game. Their knees knock together as Wonwoo get settled, and Seokmin stumbles over his words for a second as he smiles at Wonwoo. They’ve completely forgotten Joshua is standing there, and when an answering smile breaks out on Wonwoo’s face, Joshua goes to join Junhui in the kitchen, giving them their privacy. 

*

Before Joshua realizes it, it’s the end of November. He stares at the red and gold leaves and wonders how he missed the beginning of the change. 

Joshua stares at the date on the calendar and frowns as he counts the months he’s been in Seoul. It feels longer and also as if he’s barely begun his life here. Studying the calendar harder, Joshua realizes it’s been almost two weeks since he last hung out with Jeonghan, when they only managed to grab coffee for an hour before Jeonghan had to go back to the company and Joshua had to work. 

It wasn’t enough. Joshua feels like Jeonghan is slipping away as easily as he’d feared, and his heart hurts at the thought. He calls him, because he knows Jeonghan prefers it, and they’ve been friends long enough that Joshua prefers it now too — at least when it comes to Jeonghan. 

“Shua.” Jeonghan’s voice is warm with surprise. “I was just about to call you.”

“You’re free?” Joshua asks, already gathering his things to get ready to leave.

“For the whole night,” Jeonghan says. “Do you want to go to the river?” 

It’s getting dark by the time Joshua makes it to the river, but he’s able to pick out Jeonghan’s outline immediately. He’s standing with his back to Joshua, elbows resting on the railing as he looks out at the water. Joshua’s pulls out his phone and snaps a quick picture. 

“Jeonghan,” he calls, and when Jeonghan turns, Joshua takes another picture. Joshua smiles at the soft smile he’s captured, and puts his phone away before joining Jeonghan at the railing. 

“Joshua,” Jeonghan says warningly. “Just what are you going to do with that picture?”

“Hmmm,” Joshua taps his chin in mock thought. “Maybe sell it to a fan site? How much do you think I could get? A hundred dollars? Two hundred?” He frowns. “I actually don’t know how much paparazzi photos even go for.”

“Tell me how much that is in won,” Jeonghan requests. 

Joshua does the quick mental math. “Like, twenty-three thousand won.”

Jeonghan scoffs. “A picture of me is worth more than that.”

“Wow,” Joshua says. “You really just said that.”

Jeonghan smiles at him and nods toward the path. “Should we go?”

There’s something about being with Jeonghan tonight that feels different. It might be the fact that the chillier weather means they’re practically alone on the path, or the fact that Joshua knows their current comeback promotions are coming to an end soon, but Jeonghan seems more relaxed than usual. 

Jeonghan asks him about his classes, which hits a nerve because Joshua had some group members pull some bullshit earlier in the week. He’s so into complaining about it that he almost steps into a huge puddle, and he’s only saved by Jeonghan taking him by the wrist and leading him around it. Jeonghan starts to let go once the danger has passed, but Joshua twists his wrist to thread their fingers together instead. 

Jeonghan stops walking and stares down at their hands. Joshua focuses on them too, mentally taking note of the boniness of Jeonghan’s fingers, and the cold shock of Jeonghan’s ring. Neither of them are wearing gloves, despite the fact that it’s colder, and Joshua’s skin is as freezing as Jeonghan’s. 

After that thought, Joshua’s palm immediately starts to sweat as the nervousness washes over him. For all the talk about skinship and holding hands, maybe that’s all it was — talk. Maybe Jeonghan didn’t really want to hold his hand at all. As he goes to pull away, Jeonghan’s grip tightens. 

“Don’t you dare,” Jeonghan says. He finally looks up from their hands, his eyes bright with happiness. “This is okay now?”

“Yes,” Joshua mumbles, feeling his face burn with embarrassment. He starts walking again, giving a gentle tug to Jeonghan’s hand to get them moving. “It’s not a big deal. Let’s go.”

Jeonghan stays surprisingly quiet next to him, but when they near a hotteok cart he becomes vocal again. 

“Shua, I’m hungry,” he whines. 

“So buy some,” Joshua replies. Jeonghan swings their hands impatiently, and Joshua laughs. “You want to be my hyung so bad, so you should buy them.”

He gets a dirty look for that comment, but it does the trick. His hand feels emptier than usual when Jeonghan drops it to purchase their food, but when they find a bench to sit on and Jeonghan sits down as close as possible, he feels better. Jeonghan tells him a story about some drama happening at the dorm that makes Joshua laugh so hard he almost drops his food. 

“What?” Joshua asks when he realizes Jeonghan is watching him. Jeonghan just smiles and stands up again. 

“Ready to keep walking?” Jeonghan asks, holding out his hand. He looks a little unsure, as if he thinks before was a one time thing, so Joshua hurries to grab his hand. They walk for a little longer before Jeonghan stops at the railing again. The river bends here, and the lights of the city reflect off the surface.

Jeonghan smiles as the wind blows his hair around, and Joshua smiles too, moving closer and slumping down so Jeonghan’s body blocks the worst of the wind. 

“I know what you’re doing,” Jeonghan says in a low voice. “It’s not cute.”

“I’m always cute,” Joshua replies haughtily. Jeonghan lets out a little laugh of disbelief. 

“How do you like it?” Jeonghan asks. Joshua can tell the answer to this question means a lot to Jeonghan — that this place means a lot to him. 

“I love it,” Joshua replies honestly. “Thank you for bringing me.”

Jeonghan squeezes his hand in response. “Did you go to the beach a lot in LA?”

“All the time.” It comes out more wistful than he means it to. “I miss the beach.”

“Well, you’re allowed to come here anytime you want,” Jeonghan says. “I’ll allow it.”

“Oh, thank you,” Joshua says sarcastically. “I didn’t know I needed special permission to come to a public place.”

“But this place isn’t public,” Jeonghan says, gesturing at their feet. “This is the best view of the skyline and I own it. Look.” He crouches down, dragging Joshua with him, and traces an imaginary line around their feet. “These are the boundaries.”

“Where’s your deed?” Joshua asks. 

“At home. You didn’t see it?” Jeonghan’s eyes are sparkling the further he gets into the joke, though that could be the city lights reflecting in them. “It’s official and everything. It says, ‘Property of Yoon Jeonghan,’ and in tinier, less important print, ‘with express permission, Shua is allowed to visit.’”

“Doesn’t sound very official,” Joshua mumbles. Crouching together on the ground like this causes their knees to knock together, their faces close. They’re still holding hands. 

“It is,” Jeonghan says, his voice quieting down too. “It has a stamp and everything.”

Joshua loses the thread of what they’re talking about, too focused on the strands of hair that have blown out of place over Jeonghan’s forehead. He reaches out and fixes them, aware of Jeonghan’s gaze, heavy on his face. Someone rides past on a bicycle, the wheels whirring and the headlight flashing over the two of them. Joshua stands quickly, and Jeonghan has no choice but to follow, unless he lets go of Joshua’s hand. Considering the grip he has on Joshua, he doesn’t think that’s happening any time soon. 

“I’m cold,” Joshua says, so he can block out his internal shouts of _you almost just kissed him! What the fuck!_ “Let’s go get something to drink.”

“Sure,” Jeonghan agrees, following along when Joshua starts to walk again. He doesn’t mention Joshua’s abrupt weirdness, but Joshua can also feel his gaze on the side of Joshua’s face, all the way to the café.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2~~~ sorry for the longer wait than I anticipated! Hope you enjoy!

December begins with a phone call from Jeonghan. It seems too good to be true that Jeonghan would have more free time already after they just got to hang out, but Joshua isn’t going to question a good thing. 

“Minghao and I are going to the beach,” Jeonghan says when Joshua answers. “Do you want to go?”

“Good morning,” Joshua says.

“Good morning,” Jeonghan draws out, and then. “But seriously. How soon can you be ready?”

Joshua runs through the time it would take him to get ready and gather his things. “Um, an hour?” 

Minghao says something to Jeonghan on the other end of the line, and then his voice gets louder as he takes the phone away. 

“Morning, hyung.”

“Good morning, Minghao-yah,” Joshua replies. He’s grinning now, their antics putting him in a good mood immediately. That, and the prospect of hanging out with them for the entire day. 

“Do your roommates want to come too?” Minghao asks. 

“I’m sure they do,” Joshua asks. “I’ll ask them and text you?”

Minghao agrees and they say goodbye and just as Minghao is hanging up the phone, Joshua hears Jeonghan’s indignant tones from the other end. He’s definitely going to hear about that later. 

Wonwoo is in his room when Joshua goes looking for him. He shoves back his headphones when Joshua leans in the open door. 

“Do you want to go to the beach?” 

Wonwoo looks wordlessly out the window. There’s no snow — which is disappointing for Joshua — but Joshua knows it’s freezing outside. 

“Not really,” Wonwoo says with a sheepish smile. “Besides, Seokmin is stuck in the library all day and I was about to go join him.”

That answers the question as to where Seokmin disappeared so early. 

“Okay!” Joshua says cheerfully. “Enjoy your study date!”

If Wonwoo protests to Joshua’s use of the word ‘date,’ Joshua is already too far down the hall to hear it. Junhui is scribbling furiously in a notebook in the living room, but looks up at Joshua expectantly when he comes in. 

“Are you here to provide a distraction?” Junhui asks hopefully. 

“How do you feel about the beach?” Joshua asks. 

Junhui jumps to his feet. “I’m ready.”

“Okay, they’ll be here in like an hour,” Joshua says, pulling out his phone to text Minghao.

“‘They?’” Junhui repeats. “Hyung — who are _they?_”

Junhui is still grumbling about being tricked as they wait for Jeonghan and Minghao to arrive.

“You wouldn’t have agreed to go,” Joshua says, watching Junhui straighten his coat for the tenth time. Junhui sees him watching and stops immediately. He starts to mess with his scarf instead, and Joshua is reaching out to take it away from him when Jeonghan texts that they’re downstairs. Minghao is in the driver’s seat when they get streetside, Jeonghan holding open the passenger door like it’s a carriage. 

“You sit in the front,” Joshua says to Junhui. “You’re taller.”

It’s the truth, but Joshua is also scheming. Junhui gets to spend the ride next to Minghao, and now Joshua and Jeonghan will share the backseat. Jeonghan’s eyes dance with delight at the turn of events. 

“Oh, no,” Junhui says. “I’m fine with the back.”

“Please get in and close the doors,” Minghao says from inside the car. “You’re letting out all the heat.”

Junhui is quick to hop into the front seat after that, more concerned with annoying Minghao than his nerves about spending the whole car ride next to him. Jeonghan closes the door behind Junhui and then opens the back for Joshua. 

“Such a prince,” Joshua says as he slides in. 

“It’s a concept I’m trying,” Jeonghan replies, to which Joshua rolls his eyes.

“How’s Seungcheol?” Joshua asks as Minghao pulls away from the house. 

“Wow,” Jeonghan replies. 

“Oh shut up,” Joshua says. Junhui squeaks in the front seat, but Joshua ignores him. 

“I told you it would only take him a minute to ask,” Jeonghan says to Minghao, who barely glances at Jeonghan in the rear view mirror. “I can’t believe I’ve lost you to him. I guess I’m not your favorite.” He sighs heavily but then actually answers Joshua’s question. “He’s good. Sleeping more.”

“Good.” Joshua is glad to hear it. Then, just to be a little bit of an asshole, he asks, “So, why didn’t he come?”

“I’ve really lost you,” Jeonghan says mournfully. 

Joshua shakes his head in amusement, but a small part of him worries that Jeonghan actually believes that. He reaches across the empty seat between them until his hand brushes against Jeonghan’s. Jeonghan turns his hand over so he can weave their fingers together, squeezing briefly before withdrawing them. Joshua only has a moment to be disappointed before Jeonghan is unlocking his seatbelt and lying down across the backseat. His hair, still a platinum blonde, comes to rest on Joshua’s thigh. 

“That’s not safe,” Minghao intones from the front seat. 

“I’m tired,” Jeonghan says. He maneuvers Joshua’s arm so he can still hold his hand and closes his eyes. Junhui turns in his seat to look at them and grins when he sees Jeonghan. 

_Turn around,_ Joshua tries to say with his eyes. He’s not sure he’s ever seen Jeonghan embarrassed, or doing anything other than exactly what he wanted to do, but he doesn’t want Junhui’s suggestive eyebrows ruining anything. Junhui thankfully gets the message and turns to face forward again. 

“Put on whatever music you want,” Minghao says.

“Really?” Junhui asks in delight. “Even Seventeen?” 

“Of course you should play Seventeen,” Jeonghan says. 

But the first song Junhui plays is something in Chinese. It sounds nice and Joshua finds himself bouncing his head along to the beat. 

“Oh,” Minghao says, sounding surprised. 

“Is this okay?” Junhui asks, sounding hesitant, like he thinks Minghao disapproves of his selection. 

“Yeah. You have good taste,” Minghao says. Joshua can’t see Junhui’s face, but he’s sure it’s bright red now. A compliment from Minghao? Junhui is dying on the inside, there’s no question about it. Joshua closes his eyes and tries not to smile too hard at their stilted conversation. It’s cute — Minghao trying to draw information out of Junhui, who stutters over his responses at first but then lets loose with a flood of comments that turns into a story that weaves into another narrative. Joshua has had months to get used to Junhui and his fast-paced storytelling, but it doesn’t seem to faze Minghao. 

At some point the conversation in the front seat turns to Mandarin, and it sounds less stressed and stilted as they speak in the language they’re more familiar with. Not able to follow along anymore, Joshua gives in to the pull of sleep. Jeonghan fell asleep twenty minutes ago, so Joshua leans his head against the window and follows suit.

He wakes up again when the car slows, the road transitioning from smooth highway to bumpy side roads. A particularly nasty bump causes Joshua’s head to smack against the window, and he straightens with an unhappy sigh. He cracks his eyes open to see if he can catch a glimpse of any water, but they haven’t reached it yet. 

Minghao slows the car to crawl and eases it over another bump. Even with as careful as he’s being, the car still rocks unpleasantly. Minghao reaches out and across Junhui’s chest, as if to keep him from pitching forward and hurting himself. He retracts his arm almost immediately, turning to look out the window and humming along with the music as if nothing had happened. But Joshua can see the bright red that Minghao’s ears turn, and he can also see the wide-eyed way Junhui looks at Minghao before glancing away again quickly. 

Joshua closes his eyes again, trying to give them some semblance of privacy, but they fly open again when Jeonghan groans unhappily and wakes up. 

“Myungho-yah, are you trying to kill us?” 

“You could’ve driven,” Minghao snipes back immediately. 

“Maybe I should’ve,” Jeonghan says. 

“I bet you’re a good driver,” Joshua says loyally. Minghao shoots him an unimpressed look in the rear view mirror. Joshua smiles innocently in response. Now that they’re off the highway they stop for the bathroom and coffee.

In the café, Minghao sees Joshua staring at the cakes in the display case and says, “We haven’t even eaten lunch yet.”

“That’s a stupid rule,” Joshua replies with a pout. Jeonghan takes one look at him and steps up to the counter to order four slices of cake. 

“Beach or lunch first?” Minghao asks as they settle around a table.

“Beach,” Jeonghan and Joshua answer simultaneously. Joshua looks up from the cake and shares a smile with him. 

“What about lunch on the beach?” Junhui suggests tentatively. “Or, at least, lunch with a view?”

Minghao nods. “That’s a good idea.”

“How is that one?” Jeonghan asks, gesturing to one of the slices in front of Joshua. 

“Delicious,” Joshua says, picking up a forkful. “Here. Try.”

He holds out the bite to Jeonghan, who doesn’t hesitate before leaning in and taking it. His eyes meet Joshua’s as he leans back, tongue peeking out to get rid of the crumbs on his lips. 

“It’s good,” he murmurs. The sound of his voice jerks Joshua back to the present, and he lowers his hand quickly. He glances at Minghao and Junhui, ready for teasing and knowing looks, but they’re caught up in some discussion that ends with Minghao offering his teacup to Junhui.

“No, it’s okay,” Junhui says. 

“Just try it,” Minghao insists.

Joshua feels eyes on the side of his face and turns to see Jeonghan watching him. 

“What is it?” 

Jeonghan smiles. “Nothing. Try this one.” 

He holds out a bite of what looks like normal chocolate cake, of which Joshua has had plenty over the years, but he still takes the bite obediently. Jeonghan smiles in satisfaction as Joshua’s eyes widen at the taste. 

“I knew you’d like this place,” Jeonghan says.

_Is it the place, or the company?_

“I love it,” Joshua says, squashing down the voice in his head that asks — _again, the place or the company?_

*

Lunch with a view is exactly as amazing as it sounds, but they still bolt down their _jogae gui_ and _takoyaki_ at speed, all eager to be out by the water. As they walk down the beach, Jeonghan slips his hand into Joshua’s smoothly. Now that he knows Joshua is okay with it, it seems there’s nothing Jeonghan loves doing more than holding Joshua’s hand. Joshua ducks his head so he can hide his smile in his scarf. 

Minghao and Junhui are a little ahead of them, Junhui pointing at the seagulls as Minghao shakes his head. Joshua bets he’s trying to convince Minghao they should feed them.

“Are you going to sing?” Jeonghan asks, cutting Joshua off mid-hum. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it. 

“Definitely not,” Joshua replies. Jeonghan pouts at him and Joshua puts a hand up to block the sight. “Not going to work!”

“Fine,” Jeonghan sighs. He steps closer to Joshua and wraps his arms around him. Joshua squeaks in surprise at the hug, but then his surprise turns into amused anger when Jeonghan uses his grip around Joshua’s waist to maneuver him until he’s sitting on the ground. Once Joshua’s ass meets the sand, Jeonghan takes off running. 

“You asshole!” Joshua yells as he scrambles to his feet and starts to chase him. They overtake Minghao and Junhui quickly, Junhui’s shouts of encouragement following them to the boardwalk. Jeonghan lets Joshua catch him right as they reach the steps, grinning as Joshua grabs his arm and holds on tight. They hold hands again as they walk up the steps, Joshua muttering about how unfair Jeonghan in in between trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m gonna film a message for the Carats.” He squeezes Joshua’s hand before letting go, and walks further down the boardwalk to get a good view of the sea behind him. The waterfront is pretty abandoned at this time of year, which makes sense because it’s _freezing,_ but it’s still beautiful. Joshua can’t wait to come back when it’s warm. 

He follows Minghao and Junhui when they walk further down on the pier. Minghao is taking pictures of the water, his phone out like it’s been most of the afternoon. Junhui has his feet up on the bottom rung of the railing, leaning over and peering down into the water. 

“Having fun?” Joshua asks, coming up behind Junhui.

“I can’t feel my face,” Junhui says, cheeks red from the wind and grin wide. 

Minghao joins them at the railing and they watch the waves in companionable silence, waiting for Jeonghan to finish his video message. 

“What’s the matter?” Minghao asks, breaking the silence and drawing Joshua’s attention. “Why do you keep looking at me?”

“Nothing, it’s just,” Junhui jumps down from his perch and gestures around the general vicinity of Minghao’s head. “Your earrings are all tangled.”

“Ah,” Minghao reaches up and messes with them, trying to fix the chains and loops. There’s not much he can do with his gloved hands. Junhui tugs his own glove off and reaches out, but stops before he makes contact.

“Can I?” 

Minghao nods, and then goes unnaturally still as Junhui fixes his earrings. Junhui does it quickly and then drops his hand. Joshua sees his fingers flex once before he tugs his glove back on.

“Thanks,” Minghao mumbles, and then there’s a prolonged silence that Joshua itches to break. 

“Your earrings are cool,” Joshua says. “I’ve been thinking about getting some done.”

“Your ears aren’t pierced at all?” Junhui asks, leaning close and inspecting Joshua. “I just thought you never really wore them.”

“I’ve never had them pierced,” Joshua says. “But I like the look of it.”

It’s eerie, the simultaneous way Minghao and Junhui’s eyes light up.

“We can find a place here,” Minghao says, already searching on his phone. 

“How many do you want?” Junhui asks, eyeing the available space on Joshua’s ear. 

“What’s going on?” Jeonghan’s voice reaches them at the same time his hand slips back into Joshua’s. Joshua squeezes his hand in greeting and smiles when Jeonghan squeezes back.

“Hyung’s going to get his ears pierced,” Minghao says without looking up from his phone. 

“Maybe,” Joshua says quickly. “I’m not sure how they’d look on me.”

“Of course they’d look good,” Jeonghan says, sounding so sure. “But he won’t do it.”

“I won’t?” Joshua turns just in time to catch the last trace of a smile leaving Jeonghan’s face. Jeonghan looks at him and widens his eyes, trying for innocent, but Joshua knows him too well at this point. 

“It’s okay to be afraid of needles, Shua,” Jeonghan says. 

“I’m not afraid of needles,” Joshua replies irritably. “Let’s go.” 

He tugs Jeonghan down the pier, the sound of Minghao and Junhui’s giggles following them. 

The place Minghao finds is small, but it looks clean and warm when they all file inside. The people working are all friendly and bright, and they’re more than happy to explain the different types of piercings to Joshua and help him settle on one. 

“You can bring someone back,” one of the women says, eyeing the group. “But I don’t have room for all of them.” 

“Minghao,” Joshua says, his decision immediate and easy. 

“Ah.” Jeonghan reaches up and covers his heart with one hand. “I see.”

Junhui fake gasps and falls right into the scene. “Are you okay, hyung?”

“I don’t know, Jun-ah,” Jeonghan replies. “I don’t know if I’ll survive this betrayal.”

Joshua exchanges an eye roll with Minghao and they head down the small hallway together. 

“They get along well,” Minghao comments when they get settled in the room. 

“Yeah, Jun got over the star struck thing pretty quick,” Joshua says. “He’s met Seungcheol too and that was fine, and I think he’s met everyone else in passing. The only one he’s really still nervous around is—” He cuts himself off, and Minghao looks at him with interest. 

“Uh, I mean, everyone gets nervous,” Joshua babbles to cover his ass. It might be clear to anyone who sees them that Junhui still has an enormous crush on Minghao, but Joshua’s not about to expose him like that. 

“It’s okay, sweetie,” the piercer says, coming back into the room and interrupting whatever Minghao was going to say in response. “It will barely hurt.”

Ten minutes and three piercings later, Joshua and Minghao rejoin Junhui and Jeonghan in the waiting area. They crowd him immediately to inspect the earrings. Joshua had settled on two normal lobe piercings, and then a cartilage piercing halfway up his left ear. 

“Three at once,” Junhui says. “Nice.”

“He’ll want more,” Minghao says. “Just wait. It always happens.”

“Can we go down to the water again?” Joshua asks. Jeonghan is staring at him very intently, and Joshua needs some freezing air on his face to cool his cheeks and his throbbing ears.

The sun is setting as they make their way down to the water, and they all break apart from each other to get a million pictures of the sunset on the water. 

“It looks like a painting,” Junhui says. “It reminds me of home.” There’s a hint of wistfulness in his voice, which Joshua feels echoed in his chest. The water reminds him of home too, even if the sand is different and the waves are smaller. Joshua frowns. He’s been dealing with feeling homesick, but he can’t imagine how Junhui feels. It’s been years away from home for him at this point. 

The look on Minghao’s face tells Joshua he knows exactly how the two of them feel. 

Next to him, Jeonghan shifts on his feet. Joshua can practically feel his urge to say something to lighten the mood, but for once, Jeonghan stays silent. He lets them wallow in their sadness until the sun sets completely, and Joshua appreciates it. Sometimes sadness needs to be felt.

“Thank you,” Joshua says quietly as they stand at the edge of the water. It really is freezing, and over the sound of the waves he can hear Minghao and Junhui discussing what to eat for dinner before they get back on the road. The menu so far consists of broths and stews and hot tea.

“For what?”

“This whole thing,” Joshua says. 

“It was the least I could do,” Jeonghan says. “I wasn’t allowed to buy you a plane ticket home for Christmas. Coups and Myungho both said you’d freak out.”

Seungcheol and Minghao are right. Joshua blanches at the thought of the cost of a last minute ticket to LA, not to mention the cost of any ticket around the holidays. Jeonghan is already moving on though, crouching at their feet and sketching a square in the sand around them. 

“There,” Jeonghan says, straightening again. He didn’t let go of Joshua’s hand the entire time. “All you need is a deed that says, ‘Property of Joshua Hong.’”

“‘And Yoon Jeonghan,’” Joshua adds. “This can be our place.”

The way Jeonghan looks at him makes it hard for Joshua to breathe. It’s taking everything Joshua has not to lean in and kiss Jeonghan, and he tears his gaze away before he does just that. His heart races as he casts about for anything else to look at to keep himself from doing something so incredibly stupid. 

“Oh.” Joshua looks up at the sky and smiles. “You can see the stars here.”

Jeonghan tips his head back to look up too. “Do you know what we’re looking at?”

“No,” Joshua admits. “But I have the internet.”

Jeonghan laughs as Joshua pulls his phone out, and the sound of it makes the cold much easier to bear.

*

Junhui leaves a few days into winter break for a much anticipated visit home, and a few days later Wonwoo also packs his bags for a trip home. Seokmin stays at the house, because he’s enrolled in a winter session course like Joshua is, but when he starts talking about going to his parents’ house for a week for holiday celebrations, Joshua contemplates signing up for extra shifts at work.

He doesn’t mean to be mopey, but the prospect of spending the holidays alone, or worse, working, is almost too much to bear. This is different than missing Thanksgiving. No one from his cohort stuck around either, all of them knowing better than to take an extra class, instead spending time with their families. Jeonghan and the others are all increasingly busy too, with a new song coming out soon and numerous music show performances. 

“What’s your favorite food?” Seokmin asks out of the blue one day. They’re lounging on the couch after a long afternoon of playing video games. Joshua has a shift at work in the morning and he knows Seokmin has an early class, so they should be thinking about dinner and then going to be early, but neither of them have made moves in that direction. 

“Chicken,” Joshua replies. 

“What kind?” 

“Any kind.”

“Hyung,” Seokmin says exasperatedly. “If I only give my mom ‘chicken’ to work with, she’ll cook five different things. Can you be more specific?”

“What?” Joshua looks away from the house group chat and the inundation of food pictures from Junhui. “Your mom?”

“For when we go to my parents’ house?” Seokmin frowns. “Hyung, are you not coming anymore?”

“Oh.” Joshua blinks at Seokmin. “I was invited?”

Seokmin sits straight up on the couch. “I invited you in September!”

Joshua thinks back and tries to recall the conversation. He drops his head into his hands when it finally clicks. 

“Oh no.” Seokmin scrambles across the couch and throws his arms around Joshua. “Did you think you were spending the holidays alone? Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Joshua groans in embarrassment and lets Seokmin hug him. The relief that washes over him is staggering, and he has to shut his eyes tightly to keep the threat of tears from becoming a reality. 

“But seriously,” Seokmin says. “What kind of chicken?” 

Seokmin’s house is as chaotic and loud as Seokmin himself, and Joshua loves it. It’s nice to be doted on by a mom and have dinner table conversations. Joshua doesn’t have a sibling to fight with, and watching the squabbles between Seokmin and his sister is its own form of entertainment. 

“Dude,” Joshua says one night, lying on his side on the futon on the floor. He’s been studying Seokmin’s bookcase the past few nights. “Are those Yugioh cards?”

Seokmin looks over from the game he’s playing. He’s been on the headset for the past hour with Wonwoo while Joshua finished up an assignment for school. 

“Yes,” Seokmin replies with a slightly embarrassed grin. “I was really into it for a while.” Wonwoo says something on the other end of the line, loud enough for Joshua to hear his muffled voice across the room. Seokmin makes a face and then says, “I’m still really into it.”

“You and Hoshi would get along so well,” Joshua muses, thinking about the time he was at their dorm and Soonyoung was practically begging Chan to play with him. He thinks about introducing two of his loudest friends to each other. They would like each other a lot, he thinks, but at what cost to Joshua’s ear drums? He sighs and accepts the inevitable. “I should introduce you two.”

“Introduce me to Hoshi-ssi?” Seokmin says. 

“He’d play Yugioh with you,” Joshua says, sensing Seokmin’s hesitance. 

“He would?” Seokmin questions. “That would be fun.” Wonwoo says something else on the headset, because Seokmin’s smile dims a little as he says, “Oh, okay! Goodnight, hyung!”

“He’s going to sleep,” Seokmin says as closes out of his game. Joshua shoots a critical eye at the clock, knowing full well that it's too early for Wonwoo to be going to sleep. Seokmin clicks around in silence for a few minutes before grabbing his laptop and asking, “Do you want to watch Seventeen’s KBS stage?” 

Joshua already watched it on his phone when he was supposed to be doing his assignment, but he still nods as they crawl onto Seokmin’s bed to watch.

He juggles multiple text conversations as they watch the stage, and then as Seokmin gleefully finds some fancams. Jihoon responds to his compliments of the stage with a cheerful thank you, and then sends a whole paragraph complaining about how loud Seungkwan and Chan are being on the car ride back to the dorm. Joshua laughs as he reads it, able to picture the chaos clearly and reading between the lines to see the fondness that Jihoon feels. Seungcheol also texts him, asking him what he’ll be doing for his birthday in two days. Joshua tells him that Seokmin’s mom is making him a cake, and Seungcheol responds with a crying emoji. 

Jeonghan doesn’t text, and Joshua tries not to be upset about it. He knows Jeonghan prefers calling, and that he’s probably asleep in the car, but he can’t help the brief moment of disappointment every time his phone vibrates and it’s not him. His disappointment turns into amusement when Minghao texts him. 

**Minghao**  
_By the way, Jeonghannie-hyung is glaring at everyone who is texting you, but pretending not to be mad about it_

**Joshua**  
_Did he forget how to text?_

**Minghao**  
_He left his phone at the dorm by accident_

**Joshua**  
_I see_

**Minghao**  
_He’ll text you later, don’t worry_

**Joshua**  
_I didn’t ask_

**Minghao**  
😠

They text a little longer, Minghao asking what Joshua and his roommates are doing for the holidays. He’s particularly interested in Junhui’s visit home, which Joshua knew he would be. After their visit to the beach, Junhui had stopped blushing and immediately launching into a nervous tirade every time Minghao was mentioned, and Minghao had asked about Junhui every time he saw Joshua in the weeks following. Joshua kept track.

The later it gets, the more Joshua resigns himself to falling asleep without getting to talk to Jeonghan. So when his phone starts vibrating at close to two in the morning, Joshua misses the call. He’s still tapping around on the floor and trying to grab his phone when it stops. He contemplates going back to sleep before realizing who the only people to call this late might be. It’s either his mom or Jeonghan, which means he has to call back. 

He drags on a sweatshirt and socks before grabbing his phone and slipping down the stairs and making his way to the kitchen. It’s on the opposite side of the house from the bedrooms, so he feels safe calling Jeonghan back while sitting at the kitchen table. 

“Hi, Shua,” Jeonghan says, sounding exhausted. “Did I wake you up?” 

“No,” Joshua says immediately. When Jeonghan scoffs in disbelief, he amends it. “Okay, maybe. But it’s okay.”

“Only you would say that,” Jeonghan says, and then he sighs gustily. Joshua smiles and traces the grain of the table with his fingertips as he waits for Jeonghan to reveal the reason he called. “I can’t sleep.”

“You know, some experts say if you lay down and turn off the lights, sleep comes really quickly.”

There’s silence for a long moment before Jeonghan scathingly says, “Who is it that told you you were funny? I want to talk to that person.”

“I’m hilarious,” Joshua replies. 

“Debatable,” Jeonghan returns just as quickly. 

“Why can’t you sleep?” Joshua asks quietly. “You guys were really amazing. You did such a good job. You should be sleeping well.”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan says, his voice sounding smaller than usual. It hits Joshua directly in his heart. Jeonghan clears his throat and his voice sounds back to normal when he asks, “Sing for me?” 

“What?” Joshua laughs at the thought. “I should be asking you for that.”

“But I asked first,” Jeonghan says. “Fair’s fair, Shua.” 

“What would I even sing?” 

“Anything you want.”

Joshua relocates to the screened in porch. As quiet as he was being in the kitchen, if he tries to sing, he’ll end up being too loud. There’s a heater he can turn on and a swing with a folded up blanket, so Joshua can sit comfortably as he fulfills Jeonghan’s ridiculous request. 

It’s not that Joshua thinks he’s a bad singer, he has enough self-awareness to know that he has a good voice and people enjoy listening to him. But it’s another thing to have Jeonghan asking to hear him. At this point, it’s not just because Jeonghan is an idol. It’s because it’s _Jeonghan._ But he sings anyway, because Jeonghan asked him to and it’s getting harder and harder to deny Jeonghan anything. 

“‘Sunday morning, rain is falling,’” Joshua sings. “‘Steal some covers, share some skin.’” It’s a song he’s sung a hundred times, but as he sings it to Jeonghan, it’s like he’s hearing the lyrics for the first time. “‘Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable, you twist to fit the mold that I am in.’”

He sings the next verse and then falls silent, wondering if Jeonghan actually fell asleep. 

“That was nice,” Jeonghan finally says. “What else do you know?”

“Hmmm.” Joshua can tell what Jeonghan is fishing for, but he decides to make him wait a little longer. “‘Me likey, me likey likey likey—’”

“Shua,” Jeonghan whines. 

“Oh fine,” Joshua says. He clears his throat, pauses just long enough to hear Jeonghan sigh impatiently, and then starts singing again. 

‘Falling For U’ was one of the first Seventeen songs that Joshua memorized completely, and the lyrics flow easily. His voice wavers nervously as he sings the beginning, but it drops away as he tries to get all the notes right without the accompanying music. He startles as Jeonghan joins in, his heart picking up speed as he turns it into a duet. The chorus they sing together, Joshua pitching his voice just an octave or two lower to harmonize with Jeonghan. It’s amazing how easy it is. 

“‘I’m falling for you, I’m falling for you once again,’” Joshua sings. “‘I’m falling for you, falling for you, and it’s too late to escape.’” When Jeonghan falls silent instead of continuing, Joshua lets his voice trail off too. The static of the phone line crackles between them as neither of them say anything, but the silence speaks volumes. If Joshua feels nervous about what he pretty much just admitted out loud, then where does that leave Jeonghan? 

“Shua…” Jeonghan trails off. Joshua’s heart continues to pound, wondering what Jeonghan will say next. “When are you coming back?”

“After the new year,” Joshua says. It’s not as if Seokmin lives that far from the city, but coming from the suburbs is not ideal for a quick meetup. 

“What about your birthday?” 

“Celebrating here,” Joshua says quietly. If Seokmin’s mom hadn’t already offered to make him seaweed soup, he’d already be on the way back to hang out with Jeonghan. 

“Oh,” Jeonghan says, sounding sad. “But what if you came to the dorm a few days after? Seungkwan would love to throw you a party. You can bring your roommates too.”

“Really?” Joshua asks. It’s not that he believes Jeonghan about the blatant lie about Seungkwan, but being able to bring all of his roommates? They’ll never believe it. 

“Of course,” Jeonghan says. “What do you want to eat? Mingyu will cook it.”

They argue back and forth for a little while about how Mingyu doesn’t have to cook Joshua anything, and Jeonghan threatening to just find out from Junhui anyway. They finally hang up when Jeonghan takes too long to respond a few times, and Joshua realizes he’s keeping himself from falling asleep. 

“Go to bed,” Joshua insists for the third time.

“You’re not my hyung,” Jeonghan grumbles, but it sounds faint and defeated. He lets out a loud yawn that Joshua echoes on his end. “Sleep well, Shua.”

“Good night, Jeonghan.” 

Joshua falls back asleep with a smile on his face. 

*

The next morning, Joshua cradles a cup of coffee at the kitchen table while Seokmin bounces around and puts together the food his mom left out for them. With both Seokmin's parents and his sister already out of the house shopping and running other errands, it’s pretty quiet. Seokmin himself is quiet too, though Joshua knows that’s how he can be in the morning while he’s gathering up his energy for the day. 

Joshua is also quiet after his late night phone call with Jeonghan. He’s surprised he fell asleep at all with the way his brain went wild coming up with different excuses as to why Jeonghan sang with him and what it could mean. The simplest explanation — that maybe, just maybe, Jeonghan feels the same way that Joshua does — is the hardest for him to accept. 

Because then Joshua would be forced to admit, in words, what his feelings actually are. 

“Did you hear that?” Seokmin asks. Joshua shakes his head. He’d been too wrapped up in his thoughts. “It sounded like a car door.”

“Your family is back already?”

The doorbell rings and Seokmin shakes his head. “Must be somebody else.”

Of all the people Joshua was expecting to be on the other side of the door, he wasn’t expecting Wonwoo. 

“Seokmin-ah,” Wonwoo says as soon as Seokmin pulls open the door. His gaze shifts from Seokmin to Joshua and he freezes. “Oh, hyung. I...forgot you were here.”

“We just talked last night?” 

“I…” Wonwoo trails off. Seokmin drags him inside by the wrist, tutting noisily as he does. 

“It’s way too cold out there, hyung.” Seokmin bustles Wonwoo out of his coat and shoes and into house slippers, and in no time Wonwoo is sitting across from Joshua at the table with a wide-eyed look on his face. “Why didn’t you say you were coming back today? How long did it take you? Do you want tea? Have you eaten yet?”

“Yes, please,” Wonwoo says, before jumping to his feet. “Let me do it. Your breakfast will get cold.” He tries to take the kettle from Seokmin who doesn’t let it go. There’s a long moment where all they do is stare at each other, and Joshua freezes with a bite of rice on the way to his mouth. The urge to cough crawls its way up his throat and escapes, despite his best efforts to stay quiet. 

Both Seokmin and Wonwoo startle, as if they’d forgotten Joshua was sitting there. Seokmin uses the distraction to tug the kettle out of Wonwoo’s hand. With nothing left to fight over, Wonwoo sinks back into his seat slowly. Joshua smiles and gestures to the food, even as his brain races to figure out why Seokmin and Wonwoo are suddenly extra awkward today. 

“Did you come back for hyung’s birthday?” Seokmin asks as he brews Wonwoo’s tea. 

Wonwoo meets Joshua’s gaze guiltily, and Joshua knows that Wonwoo completely forgot. He eats another bite of rice and smiles at Wonwoo as the reason for Wonwoo’s return clicks into place. He’s not mad that Wonwoo forgot, he’s just amused at this whole turn of events. 

“Uh, yeah,” Wonwoo says, grimacing at Joshua in apology and only looking more pained when Joshua winks at him. 

“My mom is making seaweed soup and we’re going to watch some Marvel movies,” Seokmin says as he places Wonwoo’s tea in front of him and sits back down at the table. Joshua looks at Seomin with wide eyes, because he doesn’t want to _demand_ anything ever, but if there’s one thing he looks forward to on his birthday it’s always—

“And cake,” Seokmin says hurriedly. “Lots of cake.”

Joshua smiles and sighs happily. 

“Speaking of my birthday,” he says. “Jeonghannie wants everyone to come over to celebrate at the dorm.” 

“Everyone…” Seokmin says slowly. “What do you mean, ‘everyone?’”

“Like, all of you,” Joshua holds up one hand to represent his roommates, and then holds up the other. “And all of them.” He bring his hands together. “All my favorite people together in one place.”

Seokmin and Wonwoo stare at Joshua’s clasped hands. Seokmin’s eyes are wide and Wonwoo looks vaguely nauseous. 

Joshua frowns. “Actually, my parents would have to be there too and my friends from home. So — half my favorite people. But still, it’ll be fun.”

He returns to eating his breakfast and watches through his lashes as Wonwoo’s fingers twitch around his mug. He eats his last bite and stands. 

“I’m going to shower,” he announces loudly. 

Seokmin smiles in confusion at his volume. “Okay?” 

Joshua leaves them in the kitchen — Seokmin looking adorably confused and Wonwoo looking nervous enough to puke — and hurries upstairs. Joshua wants to eavesdrop, but the open layout of Seokmin’s house doesn’t give him the option. He just has to hope that Wonwoo is actually going to talk about what Joshua _hopes_ he drove back early for. 

He rushes through his shower, sends Junhui a vague text that says _it’s happening!!!,_ and all but slides down the bannister to rejoin his friends on the lower level. They’re pretty much where he left them, only they’re both leaning against the kitchen counter instead of sitting at the table. Joshua frowns and tries to hide his sigh of disappointment. All that tension and almost half an hour alone and _nothing—_

Joshua stops short as he finally crosses the threshold into the kitchen. Seokmin’s hoodie is all twisted out of place and the front of Wonwoo’s shirt is wet, as if someone had grabbed it with wet, soapy hands. Seokmin sees him looking and shoves his hands back in the sudsy sink, shoulders up around his suddenly red ears. 

He wants to tease, can feel it bubbling up in his chest, and if it were Jeonghan or Junhui or almost anyone else he would let it escape — but it’s Seokmin. Gentle and carefree Seokmin who cares a lot what other people think, even if he pretends not to let anything bother him. Bright, happy Seokmin who doesn’t deserve to have his happiness laughed at, not when it’s still so new and tentative. So instead of teasing, Joshua steps up behind him and envelops him in a hug from behind. Seokmin lets out a squeak and then laughs. Joshua lays his head on Seokmin’s shoulder and grins at Wonwoo, who is rolling his eyes at the two of them, but does nothing to hide his own smile. 

“I’m happy for you guys,” Joshua says, squeezing Seokmin tight.

“Hyung, don’t cry,” Wonwoo jokes. 

“Are you crying?” Seokmin asks, turning and accidentally splashing soapy water on Joshua in the process. 

Joshua yelps and splashes him back, and then Wonwoo gets splashed for laughing, and by the time the rest of Seokmin’s family gets home, the kitchen floor is spotless from where they drenched it and cleaned it up, and the three of them are collapsed in a tired heap on the couch, watching a movie. 

*

“Dude,” Joshua says as they stand outside the dorm. “Be cool.”

“I’m cool,” Seokmin replies immediately. “I’m super cool. Ice cool. Antarctic cool—”

“I don’t understand,” Joshua says, looking to Wonwoo. “He’s met them before.”

“Not all of them,” Wonwoo explains as Seokmin continues to ramble. Junhui is watching him with a mildly concerned look on his face. “And not all at once.”

“They’re just dudes,” Joshua says. He spots movement over Junhui’s shoulder and smirks, even as his heartbeat kicks into triple time. “They’re kind of lame actually.”

“Stop bad mouthing me in my own home,” Jeonghan says, sliding through the group and attaching himself to Joshua’s side. He’s wearing a fucking _choker,_ and Joshua does his best not to stare at it out of the corner of his eye. Wonwoo’s eyes go wide and mischievous and Seokmin finally quiets. Joshua is expecting suggestive eyebrows from Junhui as well, but instead all he gets is a sense of worry when Junhui glances at them and looks away. 

Sure he smiles, and sure he’s been joking and telling stories, but something has been off with Junhui since he got back from China. Joshua knows how homesickness can linger and fester, so he’s just happy Junhui even agreed to come tonight. 

“What’s that?” Joshua asks, trying to peer into the bag on Jeonghan’s wrist. “Not a last minute gift, is it?”

“Not everything’s about you,” Jeonghan replies, turning so Joshua can’t see in the bag and keying open the door. Joshua has the urge to kick Jeonghan’s knee out from behind, but he also wants to kiss him, so he does the safe thing and keeps all limbs to himself. The scent of spicy ramyeon hits them in a wave as they walk inside, and Joshua’s mouth starts to water. 

Joshua wants to follow the scent straight to the kitchen, and while a small part of him wants to leave his friends with the members just to see how they act, the nicer part of him keeps him from abandoning them. Joshua looks to the bag in Jeonghan’s hand again, and Jeonghan narrows his eyes in warning before disappearing down the hall toward his room. There’s music playing somewhere, and as their group moves toward the common room, Joshua hears the raised voices of Seungkwan and Chan, but the argument cuts off when they round the corner.

“Hyung!” Chan slides across the floor and throws his arms around Joshua. “Happy birthday!” 

Seungkwan huffs and follows Chan to swipe the phone from his hand, using Chan’s distraction to mess with the playlist. Hansol is on the couch and ignoring them, but he stands to greet them. 

“Seungkwan, you’ve met Junhui,” Joshua says. “This is Wonwoo and Seokmin. Guys, this is Seungkwan, Chan, and Vernon.”

“We know who they are,” Junhui says teasingly. Joshua makes a face at him, but secretly he’s pleased that Junhui is joking around. 

“Hoshi and S.Coups are getting the beer,” Seungkwan says. “Minghao and Mingyu are in the kitchen, and Woozi is—”

“Trying to figure out your music choices,” Jihoon says, appearing in the doorway with his phone in hand. “Really?”

“Joshua-hyung _likes_ it,” Seungkwan defends. Chan detaches himself from Joshua and steals the phone back. 

Jihoon snorts derisively, his mouth curling in amusement when Joshua says, “Hey.”

“Are they bullying you?” Jeonghan asks, reappearing in the common room and returning to Joshua’s side. 

“Yes,” Joshua replies with a pout. Jeonghan makes a sympathetic noise and pokes Joshua’s cheek, smirking when Joshua glares at him. 

The front door opens with a burst of noise, and Joshua laughs as Soonyoung comes in bearing beer and _yelling._ Seungcheol follows behind with more bags and a grin on his face. 

“Happy birthday!” Soonyoung yells. Chan and Hansol fumble to catch the case of beer Soonyoung shoves at them as he throws his arms around Joshua in a hug. Joshua stumbles back a step, but is steadied by Jeonghan’s hand on his back. 

“Thank you,” Joshua says as Soonyoung releases him. Jeonghan pats Joshua once on the back before dropping his hand, and Joshua doesn’t know how to tell him that he can leave it there if he wants. 

“You came!” Soonyoung says, turning and throwing himself at Seokmin and Wonwoo too. He gets an arm around each of their necks to drag them into a hug, and then reaches out and grabs the front of Junhui’s shirt too. “Get in here.”

They all migrate to the kitchen, and there’s a lot of bowing and formalities and yelling as everyone gets introduced to each other. Seokmin bows to everyone, Wonwoo’s hand clasped tightly in his as he does it, even as they tell him to stop. Chan immediately starts calling Joshua’s roommates hyung, which they all react to with wide eyes. 

Joshua loves it. 

“Alright!” Seungkwan bellows in his variety show voice. “Everyone out of the kitchen!” 

“Joshua-hyung can stay,” Mingyu says as Jeonghan starts to usher him out. Joshua smiles and flutters his eyelashes as Jeonghan gives Mingyu a dirty look and Soonyoung complains sadly about being hungry. Joshua joins Mingyu at the stove and gets a taste of the ramyeon fed to him as the rest of their friends filter out of the kitchen and shoot Joshua envious looks. 

“It’s delicious,” Joshua say after he’s done chewing. Minghao is chopping vegetables at another counter and hands Joshua a slice of cucumber. 

“Ramyeon and soju,” Mingyu says. “You’re so easy to please. That’s really all you wanted?”

“Yes,” Joshua says. 

“No cake?”

Joshua doesn’t know what to say, because he always wants cake, but he didn’t want to give Mingyu extra work. 

“Jeonghannie-hyung got one,” Minghao says. “It’s in the freezer — Wen Junhui!”

Joshua frowns in confusion as he turns around, but then he sees Junhui in the doorway, one of the last to filter out.

“Yes?” 

“Can you help me with this?” Minghao asks, gesturing to the pile of vegetables in front of him still in need of cutting. 

“Sure.” Junhui drifts back into the room and washes his hands before joining Minghao at the counter. 

“Shua.” Joshua turns to see Jeonghan in the doorway. “We’re doing soju bombs.”

“Oh god,” Joshua says. “Shouldn’t we eat something first?”

“No fun!” someone further into the room yells. Joshua shakes his head and goes to join them. He looks back at Junhui to see if he’ll panic at being alone with not only Minghao, but Mingyu as well, but it’s as if Minghao and Junhui forgot anyone else was in the room. They’re talking quietly as they work on the vegetables, the Mandarin flowing quick between them. Junhui already looks a little brighter, and Joshua smiles as he leaves the room. 

One hour and three soju bombs later and Joshua's roommates forget to be nervous.

"This is the first time they're meeting, right?" Jeonghan asks as they watch Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung yell in each other's faces as they sing along to the song playing. Joshua's glad they had the ramyeon already, because he can't imagine what the three of them would be like with soju and beer on empty stomachs.

"Yes," Joshua says. "I promise we don't hang out that much without you."

"Hmm," Jeonghan says. Joshua shakes his head and nudges Jeongha's shoulder with his own, getting a gentle nudge in return. Sitting this close to Jeonghan means he can smell his cologne, and it's overwhelming. Not in a bad way, but in a way that Joshua can't remember why he's not allowed to lean over and rest his head on Jeonghan's shoulder.

_And why not?_

Joshua realizes he's staring and looks away, gulping down more of his beer. But looking away doesn't help, because Seungcheol is sitting on his other side, and he has his knowing gaze on. Joshua narrows his eyes at Seungcheol. He'd say something threatening, or maybe mention how it's rich of Seungcheol to be giving him those looks when Joshua has caught Seungcheol staring forlornly at Soonyoung multiple times throughout the night.

"Shua," Jeonghan says, close to Joshua's ear. He has to suppress a shudder, flashing back to the other night, Jeonghan's voice low and sweet in his ear as they sang together. A fresh wave of embarrassment washes over him as he remembers it. Jeonghan hasn't mentioned it, either in their texts and calls since then, or since Joshua got to the dorm tonight. Joshua would think he dreamed the whole thing, if his call history didn't say otherwise.

"What?" Joshua asks, turning back to him. Jeonghan is a lot closer than Joshua was expecting, and he focuses on the soft fall of Jeonghan's eyelashes against his cheek rather than try to meet his gaze this close up.

"Are you ready for your present?"

"Oh, I get a present?"

Jeonghan sighs and stands, holding a hand out for Joshua. Joshua blushes as he takes it, because all of their friends are in the room, and all of them are definitely watching them.

"The sooner you go, the sooner we get cake," Chan points out. Joshua rolls his eyes and lets Jeonghan tug him up from the couch. Junhui and Minghao are sitting together off to the side, and Junhui catches Joshua's gaze as he passes by. He winks at Joshua, and Joshua's embarrassment is forgotten when he sees how much happier Junhui looks after just a few hours of being here. 

Jeonghan is quiet as he leads Joshua through the halls to his room, and he doesn't drop Joshua's hand the entire way.

"Close your eyes," he says, hand stilling on the handle to his room. Joshua opens his mouth to protest, because he doesn't know if he trusts Jeonghan not to pull a prank on him, but stops when Jeonghan tugs on his hand impatiently. "Shua, please."

Joshua does as he's requested, trusting Jeonghan to bring him safely into the room.

"Okay, now lie down," Jeonghan instructs. Joshua feels his face scrunch up as he tries not to laugh. Jeonghan notices, and with a pout asks, "Why are you laughing?"

"I just feel silly," Joshua explains. His grips Jeonghan's hand tighter when he trips on what feels like a pillow, laid out on the floor.

"It'll make sense in a second," Jeonghan promises. "Just lie down and shut up."

"Wow," Joshua says, lowering himself to the floow with Jeonghan’s help. "Ro—" He cuts himself off with a sharp cough. "Really polite, Jeonghan."

There's silence, and Joshua wants to peek and see what Jeonghan's doing. He can hear him moving around and hears the door close, but there are too many possibilities for Joshua to narrow it down. Just as he's about to give in to the urge, Jeonghan says, "Don't peek."

"I'm not," Joshua replies petulantly. "I feel stupid. Can you come down here?"

Jeonghan joins Joshua on the ground, shoving a pillow under both their heads and pressing their shoulders together. Joshua twines their fingers together again, smiling when Jeonghan squeezes his hand tightly.

"Okay, you can look."

It takes Joshua a second to realize what he's seeing. It's the ceiling of Jeonghan's room, yes, but it's covered in stars.

"Wow," Joshua says. It's lame and not enough, but it's all he can think of in the moment.

"You looked so happy when we saw the stars at the beach," Jeonghan says quietly. "And I looked it up. This is what the sky actually looks like tonight. At least, as close as I could get it with the little star machine."

"I've wanted one of those for a while," Joshua says.

"I know," Jeonghan replies.

Joshua's breath catches in his throat. It's such an innocuous statement, but it's true, isn't it? Jeonghan knows Joshua in a way no one has ever really known him before. He sits up quickly, heart pounding all of a sudden. There’s a rustle as Jeonghan sits up behind him.

"You don't have to be so nervous," Jeonghan says quietly. "It's just me."

"That's why it means so much," Joshua replies, the truth falling out of his mouth before he can stop it. When he turns to look at Jeonghan, his breath leaves him again. The star machine has painted Jeonghan's face with splashes of light. He looks ethereal. Untouchable. "You're _you._ How can someone like you like someone like—”

"Don't finish that sentence," Jeonghan interrupts. "You're right. I'm me. Just a normal dude from Seoul trying to kiss a boy he thinks is cute."

"Oh," Joshua says.

"Why do you make everything so hard for me, huh?" Jeonghan continues. "I've been in agony here, Shua."

“Shut up,” Joshua mumbles. 

“I won’t,” Jeonghan retorts. He scoots closer and rests his chin on Joshua’s shoulder, his breath warm and ticklish on Joshua’s neck. “I’ve been waiting a long time to tell you how I feel.”

“And? Get on with it,” Joshua says, the nervousness and anticipation making his stomach roll. 

“Well—” Jeonghan starts, and Joshua slumps a little in defeat. Jeonghan’s tone is joking, which is the exact opposite of what Joshua needs right now, which is honesty and sincerity. Pressed up against Joshua as he is, Jeonghan can feel the way Joshua shrinks in on himself, and he lets go of Joshua’s hand to throw his arms around Joshua instead.

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan says. “I’ll be serious.” They breathe together as Jeonghan collects his thoughts. Joshua can almost feel the struggle it is for Jeonghan to be emotionally vulnerable by the way his voice wavers, just a little bit, when he starts talking again. 

“I’ve never met anyone like you before,” Jeonghan says. "You're kind and smart and funny. You helped us that day when you could've just walked by." Jeonghan lets out a rough sigh. "This is going to sound cliché, and I kind of want to die, but it felt like you _saw_ me that day."

"People see you all the time," Joshua says quietly.

"They look at me," Jeonghan corrects. "You see me."

Joshua doesn't know what to say to that, but if Jeonghan is being emotionally vulnerable, he can be too.

"My turn, I guess," Joshua says. Jeonghan lets out a sigh of relief and slumps against Joshua. Joshua really wishes he could see Jeonghan's face, but he also knows that he'll need to be facing away to get this off his chest.

"It was really hard for me when I first got here," Joshua admits. "But then you were around and you _stayed_ around and that...made it easier."

"Are you saying I'm easy?" Jeonghan asks.

"Shut the hell up," Joshua says, jostling the shoulder where Jeonghan's chin is resting. "I'm trying to say you feel like home, and you're ruining it."

There's a long, long moment of silence before Jeonghan lets out a quiet, "Oh."

Joshua lets out a little exasperated sigh and turns in the circle of Jeonghan's arms. Jeonghan looks at him, eyes wide and vulnerable.

"Are you going to kiss me or what?" Joshua asks, gathering up all the bravado he doesn't really feel, and then pays for it when Jeonghan moves in quicker than Joshua expected. A small sound of surprise drops out of Joshua's mouth at first, which Jeonghan seems to take the wrong way. He starts to pull back, but Joshua doesn't let him get far.

"All this time and I only get one kiss?" Joshua asks, wrapping his free hand in the front of Jeonghan's shirt and pulling him closer. "I don't think so."

Jeonghan laughs, and Joshua feels it as much as he hears it. He smiles in response, but it drops away when Jeonghan moves in again. Jeonghan is tentative at first, like he keeps expecting Joshua to change his mind, but when Joshua scrapes his teeth over Jeonghan's lower lip experimentally, something flips. Jeonghan pulls back a little, and Joshua gulps at how shiny Jeonghan's lips look in the dim lighting.

"I'm really trying to be good here," Jeonghan mutters. "I'm trying not to come on too strong."

"I never asked you to hold back," Joshua replies just as quietly. "So don't."

Jeonghan's eyebrows rise at the challenge, and when he kisses Joshua again, it's harder and fuller than before. One of Jeonghan’s arms is warm around Joshua’s waist, the other traveling up to rest at the base of Joshua's throat. Joshua doesn’t know what to do with his hands other than grip the front of Jeonghan’s shirt tightly. Jeonghan’s thumb brushes Joshua's Adam's apple lightly, and Joshua swallows purposefully as Jeonghan presses a light kiss to Joshua's mouth before dropping to kiss his neck.

"Ah," Joshua breathes, wondering how Jeonghan realized how sensitive Joshua is there. Jeonghan snickers, and Joshua shouldn't find it as hot as he does, because Jeonghan is _laughing_ at him, but tell that to the flash of heat that travels down his spine.

"You think I didn't notice your neck thing?" Jeonghan asks. He presses a kiss to the hollow of Joshua's throat, right next to where his thumb rests.

"Shut up," Joshua mutters.

"Gladly," Jeonghan says, moving so he can kiss Joshua properly again. Joshua cups a hand around Jeonghan's neck to hold him in place, fingers sliding across the satin of the ribbon tied there. There's no reason for Jeonghan to be wearing something like this in the dorm, but the fashion choice makes more sense now that Joshua knows his neck thing isn't as much of a secret as he thought it was.

When Joshua over balances trying to get the upper hand, Jeonghan takes it in stride. He follows Joshua’s jerky descent to the carpet without breaking their kiss, maneuvering to prop himself up above Joshua. He pulls back when Joshua starts smiling too much to return his kisses. 

“What?” Jeonghan asks, a defensive edge creeping into his voice. 

“I’m just happy,” Joshua says. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”

“How long?”

“Does it matter?”

“I’ve also wanted to kiss you for a long time,” Jeonghan says. “I bet I’ve waited longer.”

“Wow.” Joshua raises his eyebrows in disbelief. “Is this how it’s going to be?”

“You expected something different?” 

Joshua shakes his head, a fond sigh escaping. 

“You know what? I really didn’t,” Joshua replies. Jeonghan laughs before leaning down to kiss him again, and Joshua pulls him as close as he can. 

*

Over the next few weeks, Joshua learns a lot of things. 

He learns that while he has a thing about necks, Jeonghan has a thing about biting. It’s infuriating that Joshua can’t leave a mark anywhere visible on Jeonghan, but Jeonghan seems just as happy to give them as he is to receive them, and Joshua learns that he has a little thing about biting too. 

He also learns that Jeonghan’s fake disgust at cheesy one-liners only grows the more romantic they are, which Joshua knows means he actually really loves them. 

But the best thing Joshua learns is that Jeonghan’s favorite way to warm up after being out in the cold is to wrap himself around Joshua and kiss him until their lips are numb for a different reason. He finds this out after an afternoon of walking around Hongdae, eating street food and only able to hold hands the entire time. Joshua didn’t realize how much Jeonghan was holding back until they got back to Joshua’s house and Jeonghan immediately shoved his ice cold hands up Joshua’s shirt. Hands under shirts led to making out against the wall which led to getting more comfortable in the living room. 

“Ah, hyung,” Seokmin says as he steps into the living room and sees them tangled on the couch. 

“Sorry, Seokmin-ah,” Joshua says, though he’s too happy and pleased with himself to feel that bad. Jeonghan’s hair is all messed up on one side and his lips are pink and bitten. Joshua had meant to move them to his room so that he wouldn’t infringe on the common space, but he can’t help it that Jeonghan is extremely distracting. “We’ll move.”

“Do I get to see your room now?” Jeonghan asks eagerly as Joshua leads him away.

“It’s clean, so yes,” Joshua says. He closes the door behind them and leans on it, watching as Jeonghan surveys the room. Joshua’s desk is the messiest thing in the room, his notes for his paper spread out from where he’d abandoned them when Jeonghan had called him earlier. Jeonghan moves on from the desk after a brief glance and stops next to the shelves that hold Joshua’s assortment of books, souvenirs he’s picked up, and a tray for his keys and wallet. The constellation lamp Jeonghan gave him for his birthday has a place of honor on the top shelf.

“What the hell is this?”

Joshua can’t see what Jeonghan is looking at, so he crosses the room to stand next to him. Jeonghan’s focused on a plastic standee sitting on the second shelf. 

“Jun gave me that,” Joshua explains, looking at the tiny, plastic face of Minghao. 

“Huh,” Jeonghan says. Joshua rolls his eyes. Jeonghan looks up again, and Joshua sees the moment he actually looks at the bulletin board hanging above the shelves, because he goes still. Joshua has a lot of pictures up on the board, as well as ticket stubs and postcards. One of the more recent additions is a picture of the two of them, the photo and the print both courtesy of Minghao. Joshua watches Jeonghan as he studies the picture. 

“I almost kissed you that day,” Jeonghan says. 

Joshua swallows. “I almost kissed you at the river.”

Jeonghan turns to him. “I would’ve let you.” 

They come together easily, the kiss gentle and sweet. Jeonghan’s hands find what seem to be their favorite place on Joshua’s hips, and Joshua returns his hands to tangle in Jeonghan’s hair again. Joshua only lets the kiss go on for a minute before pulling away gently. 

“Why?” Jeonghan pouts, stepping forward to match Joshua’s step back. 

“Don’t you have to go?”

Jeonghan frowns. “I don’t want to.”

Joshua can’t resist the frown and gives Jeonghan another quick kiss. “You promised Chan though. He’s counting on his hyung.”

Jeonghan makes a noise in the back of his throat, like he can’t believe Joshua would pull that card on him, but it at least gets him moving. It’s still another twenty minutes before he’s fully out the door and Joshua is wandering back into the house, thinking about dinner. He knocks on Junhui’s half open door and leans in when Junhui calls for him to come in. 

“I’m starving — oh! Is that new?” 

Propped up on top of Junhui’s dresser is a painting of a beach at sunset, acrylic paint thick on the canvas. There’s a vague outline of a skyline painted in the background, but none of the building shapes stand out to Joshua. 

“Yeah, it is,” Junhui says, sitting up on his bed. 

“Where’d you get it?” Joshua asks, coming in and inspecting the canvas more closely. He’s seen brush strokes like this before, he’s sure of it. Maybe an Instagram artist or something. 

“Uh,” Junhui says. It’s a weird thing to hesitate about, unless he picked it up off the side of the road, so Joshua turns to him in confusion. He’s surprised to see Junhui’s face flushed a deep red. 

“Jun-ah,” Joshua lilts. “Where’d you get this?” 

“Minghao,” Junhui mumbles. He shoots Joshua a pained glance. “Stop smiling like that.”

“Am I?” Joshua grins even wider. It’s not often that Junhui is on the other side of the teasing, and Joshua quite likes it this way. Junhui groans and flops back on the bed, dragging a pillow to cover his face. Joshua happily throws himself down next to Junhui.

“Talk to me about your boy problems,” Joshua says. 

Junhui’s reply is muffled, but it sounds something snotty like, “You’re the expert now?” 

“Of course I am,” Joshua replies smugly. “I got the boy.”

Junhui groans again and Joshua laughs. 

“I tried really hard not to like him,” Junhui says, sounding stressed out about it. “He’s just...the cutest.”

“Why did you try not to like him?” Joshua asks, as if he didn’t try and push away his own feelings for Jeonghan. 

“We were becoming friends, you know?” Junhui says.

“You’re still friends even if you start dating,” Joshua points out.

Junhui sputters at the suggestion of them dating, and Joshua smiles at his flustered state. 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time together lately,” Joshua states. 

“Yeah,” Junhui replies quietly. “It’s nice. He makes me feel…”

Junhui trails off and Joshua looks over to see what his face looks like. He’s expecting a blush, but he’s not expecting the peaceful look. Junhui is always so loud and talkative, but when he falls quiet like this, that’s when Joshua knows it’s something serious.

“What?” Joshua prods gently. 

“He makes me feel like I’m home,” Junhui says quietly, finally looking over at Joshua and smiling. His eyes are shining, and Joshua can feel the happiness radiating from him. 

“That’s enough, anyway,” Junhui continues. 

“Enough?”

“I don’t need anything else from him,” Junhui says, shrugging as much as he’s able. “We’re friends and I’m happy when I’m with him. I don’t need or expect anything else.”

“Are you sure?” Joshua asks tentatively. “He’d be lucky to date you, you know.”

“I know,” Junhui jokes, his bravado coming back. “But still. It’s okay.”

“As long as you’re okay,” Joshua says, patting Junhui on the shoulder. 

“I’m okay,” Junhui says. 

“Okay.”

“_Okay,_” Junhui repeats emphatically, sending them both into giggles, which is where Seokmin and Wonwoo find them not much later and drag them out to dinner. 

*

Joshua is working in the library when his phone vibrates loudly. He digs through his bag quickly to silence it, but pauses when the screen flashes with Jihoon’s name. He can’t remember the last time Jihoon called him, if ever, and the urge to answer it is strong, but he can’t do that while sitting in the library. 

“I think I’m gonna go,” Joshua whispers to his friends, who nod before going back to their papers. Joshua grabs his stuff and packs it up quickly. Looking at his phone reminded him what time it was and that it’s definitely time to eat.

“Oh good,” Jihoon says, picking up as soon as Joshua calls him back. “Have you eaten dinner yet?” 

“Not yet,” Joshua says, turning on the sidewalk and taking the route that will bring him to the subway to take him further into the city, rather than the bus that would take him home. “What did you have in mind?”

Joshua’s the last to arrive at dinner, since the rest of them came together. Chan’s hands go up in the air when Joshua walks in, a wordless yell coming from his mouth. 

“Aren’t we supposed to not be drawing attention to ourselves?” Seungkwan asks drily. 

“Are you saying I don’t deserve a big entrance?” Joshua asks in mock offense as he folds himself to the floor. 

“God, you sound like Jeonghannie-hyung,” Seungkwan complains. “Where is he anyway?”

“At the company,” Jihoon answers at the same time that Joshua says, “With Seungcheol.”

Jihoon smile in obvious amusement, and Joshua shrugs. Both he and Jihoon are right. He’d just texted Jeonghan earlier and pouted when he found out that Jeonghan couldn’t come because he was working on something with Seungcheol.

“I’ve missed you,” Chan says, throwing his arms around Joshua. “Jeonghannie-hyung always hogs you.”

“He’s allowed to,” Hansol says, head down as he scrolls through something on his phone. “That’s his boyfriend.”

Joshua freezes, and Chan stops attempting to squeeze the life out of him. 

“Hyung?” Chan asks. “What’s wrong?” 

“You know?” Joshua asks in English. Hansol looks up from his phone quickly. His eyes widen when he sees the panic on Joshua’s face. 

“Yeah, dude,” Hansol says. “You guys are kind of obvious. Plus, Jeonghan is so happy. There was no way he could keep his mouth shut about this.”

“Oh,” Joshua breathes out. 

“What’s going on?” Chan’s asking loudly in his ear.

“I’m confused,” Hansol says, ignoring Chan and putting his phone down. “Was it supposed to be a secret?”

“No,” Joshua says quickly, and then reconsiders. This is something he and Jeonghan probably should’ve already talked about. “Maybe? I just didn’t know how it would go, with your lives and everything.”

“He cares too much about you to keep you a secret,” Hansol says, looking serious. “Maybe for now from the public, but from us? Never.”

Joshua settles back in his seat, a wave of relief passing over him. 

“Hyung?” Seungkwan asks, looking between Joshua and Hansol with a questioning look on his face. “What’s going on? Is Vernon being impolite?”

“Hey,” Hansol whines. 

“Everything’s fine,” Joshua says, switching back to Korean. “What are we ordering?”

“Everything,” Jihoon says, finally chiming in. 

“It’s why he invited all of us,” Chan says. 

“Is that true?” Joshua asks, shooting Jihoon an amused smile. Jihoon nods shamelessly, and then pulls the menu closer to himself. They order and pour drinks and Seungkwan starts to tell a story that Joshua listens to with one ear as he pulls out his phone. 

**Joshua**  
_Wish you were here T_T_

**Jeonghan**  
_Don’t give me that face_  
_This is so unfair_

**Joshua**  
_Miss you_ 💖

“Hyung, are you listening?”

“Yeah, of course,” Joshua says, sliding his phone back in his pocket. It vibrates a lot, Jeonghan most likely protesting Joshua’s manipulation, but Joshua feels bad about ignoring his dongsaengs so noticeably, so he leaves it. “You were talking about…” He tries to remember, something about volleyball, he thinks. “Haikyuu?”

Seungkwan’s mouth drops open and Hansol snorts out a laugh. 

“No, not _Haikyuu,_” Seungkwan says scathingly. “I”m talking about a real life team here, hyung. My _favorite_ team.”

“Oh I see,” Joshua says. “So you’re not just...really into sports animes?”

The look on Seungkwan’s face has Jihoon squirming in his seat and pushing Joshua with how amused he is, and Hansol is full on laughing. 

“I don’t know why I try,” Seungkwan says.

“Aw,” Joshua says, picking a good piece of meat and placing it in Seungkwan’s bowl. “I’m just kidding. Tell me about them.”

Seungkwan eats the meat moodily, but then cheers up and starts to tell his story again. Joshua listens intently this time, but still notices when the vibrating in his pocket stops completely. He’s expecting it when Seungkwan and Hansol look up behind him and smile. 

“Ah, I made it in time,” Jeonghan says. Chan stays by Joshua’s side stubbornly, but Jihoon moves over to make room on Joshua’s other side. Jeonghan looks around Joshua and gasps in mock surprise. 

“Oh, Dino!”

Chan freezes and looks at Jeonghan out of the corner of his eye. Everyone knows what’s coming and stays silent until the ritual is complete. 

“Dino-yah,” Jeonghan trills. “Whose baby are you?”

Chan purses his lips and he shoots Joshua a pleading look, but Joshua knows better than to get involved. Jeonghan will pout all night if Chan denies him. 

“Jeonghannie-hyung’s baby,” Chan replies, and then shoves a bite of meat in his mouth. Jeonghan sighs happily and leans into Joshua’s side. 

“My dongsaengs love me,” Jeonghan says. Joshua laughs and finds Jeonghan’s hand under the table, squeezing it before letting their clasped hands rest gently on his thigh. “I really thought you guys would be done eating.”

“It’s my fault,” Joshua says, looking around at the empty plates of his companions and his own plate, still half-full. “I eat slow.”

“It’s fine, hyung,” Hansol says immediately. “Don’t apologize.”

Joshua smiles gratefully, worried that he’d annoyed them by taking so long. He’s grateful for his inability to bolt down his food because now Jeonghan has a chance to sit and eat. Joshua lives for these stolen moments together. 

“Where’s Seungcheol?” Joshua asks, and then as Jeonghan frowns and opens his mouth, he says, “And yes, of course it’s because I want to see him more than you.”

Jeonghan’s mouth snaps shut as Joshua gets to the joke before he can, and then all he says is, “Still with Hoshi.”

“Oh, interesting,” Joshua says. Jeonghan shoots him a knowing glance as he reaches for the nearest bowl. 

“You look really cute,” Jeonghan whispers in Joshua’s ear not long after they pay and get ready to head back out into the cold. Jeonghan’s pressed up against Joshua’s back as much as their puffy coats will allow, his chin resting on Joshua’s shoulder. 

“Compliments will get you everywhere,” Joshua replies. Joshua can practically hear how Jeonghan grins, and smiles when Jeonghan slips his hands into Joshua’s pockets. 

“My eyes,” Chan complains. “Please.”

“Look away,” Joshua replies. Jeonghan laughs loudly, and it should be obnoxious this close to Joshua’s ear, but instead of annoyance there’s a fondness that wells up in Joshua’s chest. 

“If you kiss, I’m out,” Seungkwan says. “I don’t need to see Jeonghannie-hyung’s tongue.”

“Why would you even say that,” Jihoon says longsufferingly. “Let’s just go.”

“Don’t worry, Seungkwan-ah,” Jeonghan says, stepping back and tugging his mask over his face. “We’re saving that for later.”

“Oh.” Joshua feels the blush come on immediately. Even after weeks of dating Jeonghan and months of knowing him, his boldness still surprises Joshua sometimes. Jeonghan winks at him over the mask and pushes out onto the street, and Jihoon rolls his eyes and follows him. The rest of them crowd around Joshua to push him out too, and Chan stays close as Seungkwan and Hansol pair off to walk ahead of them. 

“Are you coming back to the dorm?” Chan asks hopefully. 

Joshua thinks about the paper he still has to work on, but then he thinks about Jeonghan’s promise of kissing, and his decision is made. 

“Yes, definitely,” he replies. 

*

“Let’s go on a date,” Jeonghan announces one day. 

“We’ve gone on a lot of dates?” Joshua questions, wondering what all the café trips and river walks had been. They’re currently curled up in Joshua’s bed, talking about everything and nothing, way past pretending they’re trying to watch a movie. Jeonghan has to leave in a little bit, but they’re both trying to ignore that fact. 

“Like a bigger date,” Jeonghan replies, rearranging himself against the pillows to curl one arm behind his head. Joshua waits for him to get settled and scoots closer again. 

“Okay,” Joshua agrees. He goes back to playing with Jeonghan’s necklace and the fold of his collar. Jeonghan reaches up and stills his hand, lacing their fingers together instead. 

“‘Okay?’” He repeats. “Don’t sound so enthusiastic, Shua.”

“I don’t care what we do,” Joshua says. “I’m happy with whatever time we spend together.”

“Aish,” Jeonghan mutters. “You’re too much.”

“You love it,” Joshua replies, pushing up so he can kiss Jeonghan again. He doesn’t need to see it to know that Jeonghan is rolling his eyes, and kisses him harder to make sure he’s not thinking of anything but kissing Joshua. 

When he leaves a little later, Jeonghan asks, “How do you feel about amusement parks?”

“I like them?” Joshua replies, watching Jeonghan step down into the dip by the front door and put on his shoes, wishing he could go with him. 

“It’s a date, then,” Jeonghan replies. 

“Fine,” Joshua says with a laugh. He takes advantage of being slightly taller than Jeonghan in this moment and leans down, wrapping his arms around Jeonghan’s shoulders and kissing him goodbye. Jeonghan’s hands come to Joshua’s waist to hold him steady. 

“You make it so hard to leave,” Jeonghan pulls back and says quietly. “What are you doing to me?”

“Then don’t leave,” Joshua says just as quietly. Jeonghan’s eyes flash with guilt and Joshua immediately feels like shit. “I’m sorry. I know you have to.”

“It’s okay,” Jeonghan replies, even though Joshua knows it’s not. It doesn’t help that Joshua makes Jeonghan feel guilty for leaving, even unintentionally. He just wants Jeonghan to stay with him, but he doesn’t want Jeonghan to feel bad about living the rest of his life.

“Text me about the amusement park, okay?” Joshua request, stepping back and untangling himself from Jeonghan. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan agrees, finally turning to leave. “Bye, Shua.”

“Bye, Hannie,” Joshua replies. He makes himself watch as a Jeonghan leaves, because he doesn’t want to miss a moment, but has to stop himself from following. 

“Hey, hyung!” Junhui calls from the top of the stairs, hands on his hips. He’s shirtless and looks flustered, and Joshua remembers that he’s supposed to be meeting Minghao tonight. “If you’re done being so disgustingly cute can you come up here please?”

It’s Friday, which is date night, and Joshua tries not to think too hard about it as he helps Junhui choose a shirt and hears Seokmin and Wonwoo getting ready down the hall. 

“What’re your plans for the night, hyung?” Seokmin asks as he and Wonwoo stop in Junhui’s doorway on their way out.

“You’re looking at it,” Joshua says, gesturing to his lazy sprawl on Junhui’s bed. 

“Oh.” Seokmin frowns. “Jeonghannie-hyung left already?”

“He’s hanging out with his family tonight,” Joshua says. He’s not upset about it, but the look Seokmin is giving him makes him feel a little pathetic. “It’s fine! Don’t make that face. I need my alone time too.”

“You can come with us, if you want,” Wonwoo offers. Seokmin smiles at his boyfriend in surprise. Joshua appreciates the offer, especially coming from Wonwoo who clearly wants a night alone with his boyfriend, but he’s not about to be a third wheel. 

“I’m not ruining your date,” Joshua says. “Just go already.”

Junhui listens to their exchange with interest, and keeps shooting Joshua meaningful looks in the mirror as he finishes up his makeup. 

“Absolutely not,” Joshua says when Junhui finally opens his mouth. “Enjoy your—”

“Don’t call it a date!” Junhui says quickly, voice rising cutely in his panic. “It’s not!”

“Fine,” Joshua says. “Enjoy your tea with Minghao.”

“Thank you,” Junhui says. “I will.” But still, it’s not long before he’s gone too, the front door slamming behind him.

The quiet settles slowly, and Joshua eventually drags himself to his room to play his guitar, text some of his other friends, and then when it’s finally morning time in LA, he gets on Skype. His mom calls first, as she usually does, and Joshua answers on the first ring, like he always does. It always puts him at ease to talk to his mom. Seeing her smile and hearing her jokes always makes him feel a little more settled, even if the hours after hanging up are still always the hardest. 

“Oh, before I forget,” his mom says as they’re about to hang up. “We have a surprise for you.”

“For me?” Joshua asks. “What is it?” 

“We’re going to buy your flights home for your spring break,” his mom says, and Joshua feels his eyes tear up immediately. “I know you talked about staying in Seoul until maybe the summer because it’s expensive, but we want you to be able to come home, at least for a little while. Especially since you said you might take summer classes.”

“Mom…” Joshua sniffles. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course we did,” his mom replies. “You’re my baby boy.”

After that, Joshua is glad all of his roommates are out and that Jeonghan is busy, because the waterworks that night are more than a little embarrassing. 

*

When they finally settle on a day for their amusement park date, Joshua checks the date on the calendar and laughs out loud.

**Joshua**  
_Did you mean to pick Valentine's Day?_

**Jeonghan**  
_Of course I did_  
_Wear something cute~~_

**Joshua**  
_Don't tell me what to wear_  
_:)_

**Jeonghan**  
_Yah_

Joshua lingers over the chocolates in the grocery store a few days before the date, long enough that Junhui asks him what the problem is.

"I want to get something for Jeonghan," Joshua says, staring at the display. Everything here is disgustingly cute, but he can't decide which one Jeonghan will love the most.

"You're getting him chocolate?" Junhui looks confused.

"It's Valentine's Day?" Joshua frowns. "What else am I supposed to get him?

"It's just...Valentine's Day is for the girls," Junhui says slowly. "And then White Day, that's for the boys."

"Oh right," Joshua frowns, looking at the stuffed rabbit he'd settled on. It's pink and fluffy and is holding an enormous chocolate bar. "Well, that's stupid."

"Oh?"

"What about two guys?" Joshua asks. "They don't celebrate Valentine's Day at all and only White day? And two girls only celebrate Valentine's Day? Or if they each choose one, how do they decide which one does which? And what about non-binary people? Then what?"

"I guess I didn't—"

"It's just extremely heteronormative," Joshua says. "I'm getting him this."

"Okay," Junhui looks flustered.

Joshua looks from the table of gifts to Junhui. "Don't you have anything to pick out?"

"I _don't,_" Junhui retorts. Joshua pretends to believe him, and also pretends not to see the small bag of chocolates Junhui slips into the basket.

*

When Jeonghan shows up to pick Joshua up for their date, he's holding a huge bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.

"I got you chocolate too," Joshua admits, looking through the cabinets for something suitable to put the flowers in.

"Oh, good," Jeonghan says. "Now we don't have to share."

Joshua rolls his eyes as he finally finds an old kimchi jar, one that he's never seen his roomates fill up.

"Do you mind if I do this now?" Joshua asks. Jeonghan shakes his head and watches as Joshua unwraps the flowers and trims the stems.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Joshua asks, not looking up from the flowers. He can feel Jeonghan's gaze on the side of his head.

"You're cute," Jeonghan says.

"Thanks," Joshua replies, arranging the flowers in the jar and moving to the sink to fill it with water. Jeonghan stays quiet through all of it, watching Joshua put the jar on the counter and adjust the flowers, but he finally whines, "_Shua._” Joshua tugs him in, cutting his whine off with a kiss. 

“You’re cute too,” Joshua says between kisses, and Jeonghan lets out a pleased hum against his lips.

Junhui finds them there a few minutes later and says, "Don't you have a date to get to?"

"Why do you know so much about my schedule?" Joshua asks. He exchanges a knowing glance with Jeonghan, and at the same time they both say, "Minghao."

"Okay, bye!" Junhui says, ushering them toward the door. "Have fun!"

"Ah, I feel bad," Joshua says as they walk out onto the street. 

"Why?"

"Because of how he—" Joshua stops talking, not wanting to betray Junhui's confidence. He's already said too much, judging by how Jeonghan is nodding.

"How he feels," Jeonghan finishes. He takes a look at Joshua and laughs. "Shua, it's okay. It's obvious."

"That's what he's worried about," Joshua says sadly.

"I wondered why he hadn't made a move," Jeonghan says thoughtfully.

"Well, he thinks Minghao couldn't possibly like him," Joshua says. Jeonghan scoffs, like he thinks it's stupid, which Joshua agrees with.

"They'll figure it out," Jeonghan says, hand finding Joshua's again. "We did."

"Yeah," Joshua says with a smile. "We did."

*

"I've heard about this place, but I didn't realize it was so massive."

Joshua stands on the sidewalk and stares up at the sign for Lotte World. There's a decent amount of people walking inside, despite the poor weather.

"There's a lot inside," Jeonghan says, tagging Joshua in. "You'll like it."

Without having to discuss it, they both head for the Viking ride first. It's not until they're standing in line that Joshua thinks to ask, "Wait — did you want to do this? I didn't even ask."

"I didn't either," Jeonghan says sheepishly. "I guess we're really compatible, huh?"

"Jeez." Joshua pushes Jeonghan's shoulder. "I can't believe you just say things like that."

"Why shouldn't I?" Jeonghan asks.

They spend the afternoon on the rides, eating junk food, and then stealing the taste of the cotton candy from each other behind the curtains of a photo booth.

"Is it taking our picture?" Joshua pulls back to ask.

"Not yet," Jeonghan says. He waggles his eyebrows at Joshua. "Why, do you want it to? Wow, Shua."

"Shut _up,_" Joshua complains, and then steals a few more kisses before finally putting money in the machine.

When they leave, Joshua holds the curtain open for Jeonghan to walk out and Jeonghan stops and stares at him.

"What?"

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Joshua looks at the curtain, and then at Jeonghan. "It's polite?"

"Such a gentleman," Jeonghan mutters.

"You don't like it?"

"I never said I didn't like it," Jeonghan retorts, striding past Joshua. Joshua hurries to catch up with him, and sees the look on Jeonghan's face before he tugs his mask into place.

"Oh, you _like_ it," Joshua teases.

"It's just nice," Jeonghan mumbles. He spots a nearby vendor and changes the subject. "Shua, buy me _hotteok._"

"What about dinner?" Joshua asks. "Do you have time for dinner?'

Jeonghan checks his phone and smiles at Joshua. "Today, I do."

*

**Jeonghan**  
_Shuaaa_ ❤️  
_Are you busy?_

**Joshua**  
_No. You have free time today??_

**Jeonghan**  
_Just a little_  
_I want to show you something_

**Joshua**  
_Oh?_

**Jeonghan**  
_Don't get excited_  
_Soonyoungie and Seungcheollie will be there too_

**Joshua**  
_Yay_ ❤️❤️

**Jeonghan**  
_Hmmmm_  
_Take the train to stop 234, and then stay there_

**Joshua**  
_idk about this but okay_

Joshua has been waiting at the stop for about twenty minutes, playing a game on his phone and avoiding the looks of strangers passing by as he sits and lets the trains pass without getting on. He only looks up when he hears, "Joshua-hyung!"

He looks down the length of the platform to see Soonyoung hanging out of a car about four down. He heads for Soonyoung at a jog, barely making it into the car before the doors start to close again.

"Oh wow," Joshua says, taking a good look at the interior of the car. It's all brown and yellow, with a very familiar repeating pattern. Joshua has been on plenty of promotional cars during his time here, but it's the first time he's been in one promoting Seventeen.

"Cool, isn't it?" Soonyoung asks.

"It's awesome," Joshua says.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan wave from where they're sitting a few seats away, and Joshua claims the handle that puts him in front of Jeonghan. He can't lean down and kiss him like he wants to, but he _can_ look down at Jeonghan as much as he likes, which is good with him. Jeonghan's eyes above his mask narrow in a look that says, _stop looking at me like that,_ and Joshua winks in reply, wordlessly saying, _you can't make me._ Jeonghan kicks him lightly in the ankle.

"You guys are scary," Seungcheol says, having watched their whole wordless conversation. 

"Thanks," they say in unison. Seungcheol shudders and leans away from them.

Soonyoung, from where he's claimed the handle in front of Seungcheol, takes out his phone. He releases the handle to start texting, not realizing they're slowing down at the next stop. The change in speed throws Soonyoung off balance, and he throws out a hand to catch himself on Seungcheol's shoulder. Seungcheol is already reaching up to catch him, and then they're stuck in an awkward sort of half-hug.

"Thanks, hyung," Soonyoung says, smiling down at Seungcheol and going back to his phone. Seungcheol's hands are still on Soonyoung's waist, and stay there as the train jerks into motion again. Joshua looks at Seungcheol's hands, and then Seungcheol's face as he stares up at Soonyoung, and thinks, _huh._ When he looks at Jeonghan, Jeonghan is already looking at him.

_What's that all about?_ Joshua asks with one raised eyebrow. He thinks Jeonghan understands, because Jeonghan's answering eyebrow looks like it's saying, _I know, right?_

"Really!" Seungcheol exclaims, finally dropping his hands from Soonyoung's waist. "Stop it!"

"Stop what?" Joshua asks with a shrug. "How long are we staying on anyway?"

"A few more stops," Soonyoung says. "There's a restaurant that I thought we could try?"

"Sounds good to me," Joshua says.

Soonyoung takes the stairs to the street two at a time, and when he emerges into the sunlight, he turns around, throws out his arms, and yells, "Ah! Don't you smell that?"

"Trash?”

"Urine?"

"My allergies are really bad, I can't smell anything."

Soonyoung gives them all an exasperated look as they finally join him at the top of the stairs. "No, you assholes. I'm talking about the scent of spring love. Can't you feel it?"

“He’s been spending too much time working on songs,” Jeonghan mutters, watching Soonyoung laugh and spin around. 

"Hoshi-yah, watch out," Seungcheol says, grabbing Soonyoung's arm and keeping him from colliding with a stranger. Soonyoung giggles as he collides with Seungcheol's chest, and there's that look from Seungcheol again.

"I'm hungry," Jeonghan complains. "Where's this restaurant?"

Soonyoung pulls away from Seungcheol and loops his arm through Jeonghan's to lead him down the street. Seungcheol stays where he is for a moment longer, staring at Soonyoung's back with a stricken look on his face.

"You coming, Cheol-ah?"

Seungcheol jolts as if he's been shocked, and then smiles at Joshua, though he still looks far away.

"Yeah! Let's go before they leave us behind."

*

The infectious spring mood seems to follow Joshua everywhere he goes. Seokmin and Wonwoo are constantly off on one date or another, or cuddling in one of their rooms, and everywhere else Joshua goes there seem to be a million couples walking around. The radio repeats song after song about blossoming love.

But it's when Junhui looks blushy and nervous one day that Joshua really starts to believe in the power of spring love.

"— and _then_ I told them that I _know_ someone messed with the shit in the room, because it was a mess."

"Uh huh,” Junhui says, not looking up from his phone. Joshua clears his throat pointedly, wondering if Junhui will actually start to pay attention. It doesn't work, so he switches abruptly to English.

"And I'm tired of going into the rooms and having to organize before I can get started because of someone else," Joshua continues. The English does nothing to faze Junhui. "Oh, also, did you know that Minghao cut his hair?"

"Mmhmm," Junhui says, and then his head snaps up, eyes finally meeting Joshua's. "What was that about Minghao?"

"Wow," Joshua says.

"Did you see Minghao cut his hair?" Junhui says. He holds the phone out for Joshua to see. "The mullet! Where did it go?"

"I guess he wanted a change," Joshua says. He studies the picture and then raises an eyebrow at Junhui. "These weren't posted online."

"He sent me pics," Junhui says. "Look." He scrolls to another picture and turns the phone to Joshua. As Joshua is looking at the new photo, Minghao texts something to Junhui that brings the conversation window all the way to the bottom. Joshua looks at the new text out of instinct, and then immediately averts his eyes, feeling guilty. It's not like he can read it anyway, but he definitely saw the heart emojis.

"Ah, he texted you again," Joshua says. Junhui whips the phone back around, shoulders climbing toward his ears as he reads. "Can I ask something?"

"Sure," Junhui says.

"Why is he sending you hearts?" Joshua asks. "Is it like a...friend thing?"

"Oh," Junhui puts his phone down. "I'm...I don't..."

"Because Soonyoung and Mingyu send me a lot of hearts," Joshua says. "So does Seokmin. So I get it! But I don't know...you guys seem..."

Junhui is quiet for long enough that Joshua wishes he'd just kept his damn mouth shut, but then Junhui says, "I got him chocolates for Valentine's Day."

"Oh?" Joshua asks, as if he hadn't been desperate to know what happened to the chocolates Junhui snuck into their shopping basket.

"I thought maybe I'd just...try, you know?" Junhui fiddles with his phone nervously. He looks like he's about to vibrate out of his seat. "And I snuck them into his bag last time we hung out, but then didn't hear anything, and I didn't know if the note had fallen off or if he hated them or didn't want me to be giving them to him—"

"Jun, breathe a sec—"

"—and _then_ he just texted me saying he left that bag when they left for a schedule, and just got back and found them."

"And?" Joshua prods. He stretches across the table and pokes Junhui's phone. "The hearts?"

"I guess...he likes them?"

"Jun." Joshua says. "He likes them. And I think it's safe to say—"

"Oh boy—" Junhui says.

"—that he likes _you,_" Joshua says, voice getting louder. "Jun, come _on,_ there were like fifteen hearts there!"

"He likes the emoji!" Junhui cries. "He left seven hearts on a picture of Jihoon once."

"You counted them," Joshua says, voice flat.

"Of course I did," Junhui says, waving his hand. "It doesn't mean—"

He stops talking when his phone starts to vibrate in his hand, a ridiculously cute picture of Minghao from the beach filling the screen. Joshua should give Junhui privacy, but instead he stays right where he is. Junhui answers the phone in Mandarin anyway, but Joshua can tell the tone of the conversation by the shy, pleased smile that breaks out on Junhui's face.

"What's up?" Joshua asks when Junhui hangs up. Junhui just smiles. "_Jun._"

"We're going to a tea house," Junhui says, standing up and heading for the stairs.

"What — right now?" Joshua asks, watching him go.

"There are turtles waiting!" Junhui calls over his shoulder. Joshua shakes his head and sighs fondly. He loves spring love.

*

For White Day, Joshua buys Jeonghan a bracelet. It's not anything super expensive, just something sterling silver that won't rub off on his clothes or skin. He feels weird about it at first, like it's too much too soon, but it feels like Jeonghan when he sees it, so he tries not to second guess himself.

He wraps it as carefully as he can, and then tucks the box into the inner pocket of his jacket. Jeonghan had said to dress fancy tonight, so Joshua did his best and worked extra hard on his hair. Junhui walks by when he's retucking his shirt into his pants for the third time, and grins at him over the stack of pillows in his arms.

"Nervous?"

"No." Joshua stops messing with his shirt, pats the box one more time, and steps away from his mirror. "What are you doing with those?"

"Minghao is coming over," Junhui says. Joshua's eyes slide back to the pillows and Junhui's face flushes a deep red. "Wait! Not like that!"

"Oh?" Joshua can't help the teasing. It's just who he is as a person.

"We're going to watch a movie!"

"Okay," Joshua says, collecting his keys and heading for the door. "See you later! Be safe!"

"_You_ be safe!"

Joshua immediately feels out of place when he finally reaches the restaurant. Someone meets him at the back door and he feels extremely fancy as they bring him through the kitchen and to a table tucked into the corner of the restaurant, shielded from the other diners by wooden screens and ferns.

Jeonghan isn't there yet, even though Joshua was almost late, so he has to sit alone for a few minutes. He takes a few artsy pictures of the table and the candlelight, puts the wrapped bracelet on the empty plate meant for Jeonghan, decides that's too much and is tucking it back in his coat when Jeonghan finally shows up.

"Sorry I'm late," Jeonghan says, looking and sounding rushed. He still looks unfairly beautiful, despite his hair falling across his face. Joshua stands and helps Jeonghan out of his coat, and then brushes Jeonghan’s hair back into place, letting his fingers linger when Jeonghan smiles softly.

"What do you want to order?" Joshua asks as they sit back down.

"Everything," Jeonghan says, and then cocks an eyebrow at Joshua, who is still staring at him. "What?"

"Just happy to be here," Joshua says, and then over Jeonghan's disgusted noise, says, "How was your day, sweetie?"

"Long," Jeonghan replies. "And I love Hoshi but I could've...could've... sweetie? Did you really just call me sweetie?"

"Maybe." Joshua flutters his eyelashes and props his chin in his hands. Jeonghan gulps. "What did Hoshi do?"

"I can barely feel my legs," Jeonghan says, getting back into his complaints. "He's trying to kill us."

Jeonghan's stories about the day take them through ordering and into the delivery of the first of the dishes to the table. They'd each ordered a big bowl of pasta, and they happily share bites with each other as Joshua takes his turn to talk about his day. When it gets a little too warm in the restaurant, Joshua takes off his jacket and puts it on the back of his chair. He rolls up his sleeves and catches the weird look on Jeonghan's face.

"What?"

"What is that?" Jeonghan asks, eyes on something on the floor next to Joshua's chair. Joshua looks down and sees the bracelet box on the floor, where it had fallen from his jacket pocket. He snatches it up as Jeonghan leans across the table eagerly. "Shua?"

Joshua sighs and shoves the box across the table. At least the surprise being ruined takes away from the nervousness of trying to find the right time to give it to Jeonghan. Jeonghan opens the wrapping way more carefully than Joshua expected him to, and when he pops open the box and just _stares_ at the bracelet, Joshua wonders if he's got it all wrong.

"If you don't like it—"

"Help me put it on?" Jeonghan interrupts, reaching across the table and baring his wrist to Joshua. Joshua takes the bracelet from the box and fastens it around Jeonghan's thin wrist, his fingers brushing the soft skin. Jeonghan draws his hand back and moves his arm back and forth to see the bracelet glitter in the low lighting. Then, he reaches down next to his chair and into his own bag.

"I wanted to give you mine first, but here," Jeonghan says. Joshua unwraps a box that looks identical to the one that he just handed to Jeonghan, but when he flips it open, there's a pair of silver earrings nestled on the cushion instead of a bracelet.

"Hannie, wow," Joshua breathes, picking one up and admiring the way it waterfalls.

"It's been a little while since you got the piercings, so I thought you might want to switch them out," Jeonghan says. "But if they're too much—"

"They're perfect," Joshua says. He reaches up to removes his current earrings, sliding the new ones home. He turns his head to show them off. "How do I look?"

Jeonghan's eyes flash across the table, and Joshua swallows. Hard.

"Are you done eating?" Jeonghan asks.

"I'm full," Joshua replies. "Why?"

Jeonghan smirks. "I know what you're thinking Shua-yah, but get your mind out of the gutter."

Joshua sputters. "You thought it too!"

"There are fireworks over the river tonight," Jeonghan says, checking his watch. "They start in twenty minutes. Let's go to our spot."

They've just reached the walkway surrounding the river when Jeonghan gets a phone call. He glances at the screen quickly as if he's about to ignore the call and put it away, but then stops and looks at Joshua apologetically.

"I really have to take this," Jeonghan says, stepping away.

"It's okay," Joshua says. He wraps his coat tighter around himself, cold without Jeonghan's warmth next to him, and without Jeonghan's hands sneaking into his pockets to warm them both up. The phone call goes on for a while behind him, and Joshua already knows what Jeonghan is going to say when he steps up next to Joshua at the railing. Has known it since Jeonghan showed up late to the restaurant and Joshua caught him frowning at his phone when he got back from the bathroom during dinner. 

"Shua," Jeonghan says, voice sad. Joshua was right.

"It's fine," Joshua says, even though it feels the opposite of fine. "Go do your thing."

"I'm sorry," Jeonghan says. He presses a light kiss to Joshua's cheek. "I'll make it up to you."

"You better," Joshua jokes. Of all nights, why did it have to be tonight that Jeonghan had to get called back to work? Joshua is going to see nothing but happy couples on the way home, and he's already dreading it.

"I'll text you later," Jeonghan promises, and then he's gone.

Joshua sighs and turns back to the water just in time to see the first of the fireworks explode across the sky. He scowls at the cheerful starburst and pushes away from the railing, making his way to the bus.

Seokmin and Wonwoo are still out when he gets home, but it’s not until he’s kicking off his shoes in the foyer that he remembers Junhui and Minghao in the living room. He tries to tiptoe past as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb the pillow fort and wine set-up they have going on. But when the movie pauses, he realizes he wasn’t quick enough. 

“Hyung?” A light flicks on, and both Junhui and Minghao are frowning at him. “Why are you home so early?”

“Jeonghan had to leave,” Joshua says with a shrug. “I’m just gonna go to bed.”

“Hyung,” Minghao frowns and pats the space between him and Junhui on the floor. “Come watch with us.”

“Oh no,” Joshua says shaking his head. “I don’t want to interrupt.”

Junhui jumps to his feet. “I’ll get you a glass!” He scurries into the kitchen to grab another wine glass, which only appeared in the house after Joshua moved in and Minghao started spending more time there.

“Sit,” Junhui says, returning to Minghao’s side and kneeling down to pour the wine. Minghao rests one hand on Junhui’s knee, causal and affectionate like he does it all the time, and Junhui smiles softly at him. Joshua cringes at how much he’s intruding.

“I’ll just sleep,” Joshua replies. If he had remembered the date night, he wouldn’t have come home right away. The least he can do is let them have their privacy. That, and he won’t have to bask in the warmth of a couple in love when he’s feeling like shit. 

“No, sit.” Junhui holds out the glass of wine. 

“But I don’t want to be rude.”

“Sit.”

Joshua looks at Junhui and Minghao’s equally determined faces and sighs, trudging over and plopping in the space left for him. He accepts the wine gratefully and takes a long sip. 

“Okay, so let me catch you up,” Minghao says, picking up the remote and gesturing to the TV.

Joshua settles back against the pillows and lets Minghao’s voice wash over him, and tries to forget about Jeonghan leaving him at the river.

Jeonghan forgets to text. 

*

It’s only the beginning.

It’s comeback season, which Joshua knew was going to be busy, but if it wasn’t comeback season it’d be concert season or world tour season. Jeonghan was always going to be this busy, and Joshua thought he knew what it would be like to miss him. 

He underestimated it. 

After cutting the date short on White Day, it happens again. And again and again. They barely have time to sit and eat before Jeonghan is rushing off to practice or shoot something. 

When Jeonghan has to leave in the middle of a movie, which is ridiculous — Joshua thought he could get at _least_ two hours of Jeonghan’s time — Joshua sits in the theater by himself for another ten minutes before leaving himself. When he walks into the apartment, no one is around, which he’s thankful for. The ride home gave him enough time to get into a bad mood, which he doesn’t normally like to fester in. He’d rather if no one sees him like this. 

It makes him petty, but when Jeonghan texts him to say good night, he ignores it. His bad mood follows him into the next morning, and he’s frowning into his coffee mug when Junhui walks into the kitchen. Seokmin has been in there with Joshua the whole time, having fallen silent when he realized he wasn’t going to get more than a few words out of Joshua. 

Junhui takes one look at Joshua and says, “Oh boy.”

“What?” Joshua says. Wonwoo, who has also just joined them in the kitchen because apparently this is a roommate party, raises his eyebrows at Joshua’s tone. 

“Sorry,” Joshua says immediately. “I’m just...frustrated. I don’t want to take it out on you guys though.”

“Frustrated?” Wonwoo asks suggestively. “Shouldn’t Jeonghannie-hyung be able to help with that?”

And that’s the other thing. Joshua has barely gotten to kiss Jeonghan the past few times they’ve hung out, let alone do anything else. He slumps to the table, feeling tired even after a full night’s sleep, and sighs. 

“Hyung?” Seokmin reaches out and pats Joshua’s arm. “Hyung, what is it?” 

“I just — miss Jeonghan,” Joshua says, feeling pathetic.

“Weren’t you just with him last night?” Wonwoo asks.

“He left halfway through the movie,” Joshua says. 

“Again?” Junhui asks, sounding sad and knowing. Joshua nods miserably. 

“Again?” Seokmin repeats, sounding indignant. “What is Jeonghannie-hyung doing to our Joshua-hyung?”

Joshua hears Junhui and Wonwoo settle down at the table as well. 

“Hyung,” Wonwoo says, the joking tone from earlier leaving his voice. “Maybe you should talk to him about it.” 

Joshua groans, causing them all to laugh a little at his dramatics. 

“I guess,” he says, and at his agreement, his roommates go about their morning business as usual. Joshua pulls out his phone, the guilt about ignoring Jeonghan finally hitting. Jeonghan responds to his good morning text with flowers and hearts, and Joshua realizes he must be feeling guilty about last night too. It should be enough that Jeonghan knows he was being shitty, but Joshua also knows that Wonwoo is right. 

He should talk to Jeonghan. 

*

Joshua thinks maybe he won’t even need to say anything. 

Their next date goes great. Jeonghan doesn’t check his phone all day. They rent bikes and ride them down to the river, and then get coffee on the way back. It’s still a little too cold for them to be sitting outside to drink it, especially after the brisk wind of the bike ride, but it just gives them the excuse to press up next to each other on the bench. 

“How was the show?” Joshua asks. He watches all of Seventeen’s stages diligently, even though every time he does he realizes he’s seeing Jeonghan through a screen more than he’s seeing him in real life. 

“It was fun, but long,” Jeonghan says. He slumps down and rests his head on Joshua’s shoulder. “I missed you.”

Joshua sighs, and it comes out a bit petty when he says, “That’s not my fault.”

“Hey.” Jeonghan straightens up. “That’s not fair. My job—”

“I know, I know,” Joshua interrupts, instantly feeling guilty. “I’m sorry.” He wants to let it go, because he has Jeonghan here now, and they’re having a good time, but Wonwoo’s words and his roommates’ worries are at the forefront of his mind. 

“But what?” Jeonghan asks. “I can see you want to say something else.”

“It’s just, really hard, you know?” Joshua finally blurts. “We just started this whole thing but it already feels like...”

"Like what?" Jeonghan asks, voice quiet.

Joshua swallows and tries again. "I'm trying to say that it already feels like we're running out of time."

"Don't say that," Jeonghan says quietly.

"Maybe we shouldn't—"

"Joshua, don’t," Jeonghan interrupts. He sits up, and Joshua immediately feels the absence of his warmth against his side. "What are you doing?”

Jeonghan sounds panicked and hurt, and it's not like Joshua wants to make Jeonghan sound that way, but he's not really sure how to make it better. He doesn’t want to break up with Jeonghan — he's most of the way in love with him already — but maybe if they stop now, if they get some space, Joshua can survive this.

Jeonghan wouldn’t have trouble moving on, anyway. He meets and interacts with hundreds of beautiful people every day, and it's not as if Joshua is anything special among that company. A dark part of him that whispers negative things like, _who do you think you are to date an idol?_ nods in agreement at that thought.

"I mean, think about it," Joshua says, because if he's going to do this, he needs to get it the fuck over with. "I'm only here for school, and then I'm going back. Isn't it better to stop now before someone gets hurt?" _Before I get hurt?_ "We can still be—"

"Stop."

Jeonghan's voice is as cold as the wind cutting through Joshua's jacket, turning his lips and fingers to ice. Just a few hours ago Jeonghan would've enthusiastically warmed them up for him, but Joshua can't think about that anymore.

“Are you really doing this right now?” 

Jeonghan sounds...not like the Jeonghan that Joshua knows. Joshua never wanted to meet this side of Jeonghan, and he feels horrible, because _he’s_ the one who did this. 

“I think I am,” Joshua says. His whole body suddenly feels hot, like he’s about to burst into ugly tears. Just what he needs right now. "You'll always be my friend, Jeonghan.” Jeonghan jerks his head in an aborted shake, and Joshua's stomach drops. Jeonghan's phone starts to ring in his pocket, the tune too cheery for the cold turn their conversation has taken. He answers it without looking at Joshua, looking out to the river instead.

"Okay," Jeonghan says to the person on the other end. "I'll be right there."

"You're leaving?" Joshua asks. He’s desperate to get a real answer from Jeonghan before he leaves. He can’t lose a boyfriend and a best friend in one fell swoop.

"I have to go," Jeonghan replies. He doesn't even sound apologetic about it this time. More...relieved that he gets to bounce out of this conversation as soon as possible.

"But — Jeonghan. Are we done talking about this?"

"I really...can’t talk about this anymore right now," Jeonghan replies, looking and sounding tired, and already a million miles away. "I have to go," he repeats.

He leaves Joshua at the river — at their spot — and Joshua can't find it in himself to do anything but watch him walk away.

He pulls out his phone on the way home, but stops when he doesn't know who to text first. His go to person is probably never going to speak to him again, so he runs through his other options. He settles on texting Minghao, _Jeonghan needs you,_ before shutting his phone all the way off.

Wonwoo is the only one home when he gets there, and he seems to realize what happened without Joshua even saying anything.

"Hyung..."

"I can't talk about it right now," Joshua says. He goes into his room, doesn't turn on the lights, and crawls into bed.

*

Over the next few weeks, Joshua has too much time to think. He thinks about Jeonghan and the look on his face the last time they saw each other. He thinks about how he hasn't made an actual phone call in days, and how he has a bunch of dumb pick up lines on his phone that have nowhere to go. He thinks that maybe he made a huge fucking mistake, but then also remembers why he did it in the first place. His mind is a mess of _what did I do, what if it could’ve been different, i miss him i miss him i miss him._

His mom sees him over Skype and tuts about the bags under his eyes, and Joshua has to lie and say it's all school related, when in reality his semester has eased up to the point where he has too much free time to sit and — think.

Mope, is more like it.

"Hyung?" There's a quiet knock on his bedroom door, Seokmin's tentative voice filtering through. "Are you awake?"

"No," Joshua replies, even though it's mid-afternoon and all Joshua has done today is somehow drag himself into the shower, and abandon his coffee half-finished to his bedside table. The smell of old, cold coffee is making him nauseous at this point, but his stomach hurt too much to finish it.

"Can I come in?"

Joshua sighs and turns on his side, curling up small.

"Sure."

Seokmin cracks open the door, and the first thing Joshua sees is the paper bag in his hands. On a normal day, the golden arches on the McDonald's bag would make Joshua grab for it with joy, but it's not a normal day. It's twelve days post-Jeonghan, and Joshua feels like a huge pile of garbage. He may be acting a bit dramatic, and he may have read too many of the emo novels that Minghao recommended, but he thinks he's entitled to this.

"I'm not hungry," Joshua says truthfully.

"You don't have to eat it now," Seokmin says. "I can put it away for later. It's not exactly what you get at home, but your mom said this was pretty close."

"You...asked my mom?"

"Yeah." Seokmin's eyes turn worried. "Was that okay?"

Joshua sniffles and his voice sounds way too small when he says, "Yeah."

He misses his mom so much in this moment, and all he wants is a hug from her.

"Oh no." Seokmin squats next to the bed quickly, abandoning the food to the side. "Hyung, you look like you really need a hug."

"Then why are you still down there?" Joshua asks tearfully. Seokmin scrambles onto the bed in record time, somehow managing not to crack their knees or skulls together as he wraps his arms around Joshua and hugs him tight. 

“Seokmin-ah?”

Wonwoo’s voice travels down the hall, bright and happy. He’s clearly looking for Seokmin to hug him or kiss him — just have fun with him in general — and Joshua’s heart twinges. He wants that back. Wonwoo comes to a stop in the doorway, smile dropping on his face when he sees Seokmin, and Joshua curled pitifully in his arms. 

“Oh, hyung,” Wonwoo says sadly. 

Joshua sniffles, and Wonwoo wavers on his feet, like he’s about to come in and climb on the bed with them, even though Joshua knows skinship isn’t his favorite thing. 

“You should probably eat something,” Seokmin says, tugging Joshua closer and resting his chin on his head. 

“Not hungry,” Joshua says again. He can see Wonwoo’s side of the worried look they exchange, and sighs quietly. “Maybe just some tea?” 

“Okay,” Wonwoo says. “I can do that.”

“Where’s Jun?” Joshua asks as Wonwoo heads downstairs. Seokmin hesitates for a long moment, and then says, “Um, I don’t know.”

Joshua frowns. “You’re a terrible liar, and I’m offended you’d even try to lie to me.”

Seokmin sighs. “He’s with Minghao.”

The mention of Minghao sends another wave of sadness over Joshua. He hasn’t seen his friend — or any of the members — since Jeonghan walked away from him at the river. He’s not sure what any of them know — since Joshua hasn’t said anything and he has no idea what Jeonghan told them. He’s gone longer than that without texting with some of them, but because of what happened, this feels more intentional. 

Not even Seungcheol, and that one stings more than Joshua expected it to. 

Minghao is the only one who has continually reached out, demanding to know if Joshua is okay and asking him to respond. Joshua has ignored all of the messages, feeling guilty and sad about it. 

“It’s okay that he’s with Minghao,” Joshua says. “I’m happy for him.”

Seokmin hums and runs his fingers through Joshua’s hair. 

“If I texted him, he’d come home,” Seokmin says. 

“I know,” Joshua says. “Don’t bother him. I’m not—”

“Don’t you dare,” Seokmin says, his normally sweet voice turning a little fierce. “Don’t even finish that sentence. You're our hyung and you mean so much to us and we love you. So of course we want to be here for you.” 

Joshua lets out a shaky breath and hides his face in Seokmin’s hoodie. “Thank you, Min-ah.”

Wonwoo returns not long after, tea prepared for all of them and toting his laptop. He sets himself up on the bed next to Joshua, pressing closer than normal, and angles the laptop so all three of them can see.

“I watch these when I’m sad,” he states, queuing up a playlist. He doesn’t shy away from the fact that Joshua is sad and suffering, just confronts it and tries to solve it, and Joshua loves him for it. 

Even if he can’t have Jeonghan, at least he has his friends — his family. 

*

Joshua's packing his bag for home when Soonyoung calls. He stares at it for a second, not sure he's seeing it right, and almost misses the call by the time he decides to answer.

"Hyung?"

Joshua swallows, throat feeling tight at just one word. "Soonyoung-ah."

"Oh, hyung," Soonyoung sounds like he's going to cry, and this conversation is already out of hand. "What happened?"

"I..." Joshua falls silent. "I don't really know what to say."

"Can we go get a coffee tomorrow?" Soonyoung asks. "Or can I come over?"

"I'm leaving in the morning," Joshua says, and winces when he hears the clatter of something on the other end. It sounds like a drink knocking over and spilling ice everywhere, if the sounds and Soonyoung's cursing are anything to go by.

"What the hell?" Soonyoung asks. "Hyung?"

Junhui had also panicked a little bit when he saw Joshua doing laundry and looking for his charging cords around the apartment. He went on a rant about how much he loved Joshua and didn't want him to leave and how he'd never forgive Jeonghan for doing this to Joshua —

("Do you want me to burn his photocard?" Junhui had offered. "Because we can do that."

"Jun, holy shit." Joshua had said. "I broke up with him. _I'm_ the asshole."

"Oh," Junhui said. "My god.")

— and had only calmed down when Joshua told him he'd had these tickets for weeks, and he was only going home for spring break.

"Soonyoung-ah, it's just a visit," Joshua says. "I'll see you when I get back, okay? Hyung's treat?" He can't help the hopeful lilt in his voice, that Soonyoung still wants to be his friend after all of this.

"Okay," Soonyoung agrees readily. Something loosens in Joshua's chest.

"Can I ask...what's, um, Seungcheol up to?"

"Oh." Soonyoung clears his throat, sounding uncomfortable and sad. "He's, ah, he's okay. He's really busy lately."

"Oh, I see," Joshua says.

"I'm sure he'll come around, hyung," Soonyoung says sadly, knowing what Joshua is looking for without Joshua having to say it.

"Sure," Joshua says, though he doesn't believe it. He doesn't blame Seungcheol for ignoring him either, because he'd do the same if he were in Seungcheol's place. “I just didn’t think he’d…” He trails off, not sure what to say. 

“I was surprised too,” Soonyoung says quietly, like he’s not sure he should be saying it. “We argued about it, actually.”

“What?” Joshua’s stomach drops further. He doesn’t know how much lower it can go. “You argued? I thought you guys…”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung says sadly. “I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Soonyoung-ah,” Joshua says miserably. 

“It’s not your fault, hyung,” Soonyoung assures him. “Everything’s just...really messed up right now.”

“Yeah,” Joshua agrees, feeling worse, because it’s all messed up because of him.

Joshua doesn't ask about Jeonghan, because he doesn't deserve to ask about Jeonghan.

"When you get back, hyung," Soonyoung promises.

"Yeah," Joshua agrees. "Okay."

*

Joshua spends the first few days back at home in the house, either in his room or spending time with his parents. Eventually his mom gets sick of it, and kicks him out with a gentle, "Honey, I love you, but you need to go see the sun."

Joshua drives to the beach, a trip he took countless times growing up. It's too cold to be there, definitely too cold to swim, but that’s never stopped him before. Sometimes he just needs to have his feet in the sand and stare out at the ocean, and today is one of those days. His mom was right as usual.

He leaves his shoes on the sand and rolls up his pants to walk into the water. It's freezing, like he expected it to be, but he'd rather focus on the ache working its way into his bones than the one radiating out from his chest.

A few couples walk by with their dogs as Joshua stands at the water's edge, alternating between standing shin deep and retreating when the waves come in too high. The sound of the water and slight wind are loud, but not loud enough to block out the sound of someone walking on the beach behind him. He ignores it, thinking it's another runner or dog walker, and glances curiously to the side when they step into the water next to him. He's about to move away, because why is this stranger standing so close to him, but stops as he glances from the rolled up pants, to the bared forearms shoved into pockets, to the familiar face.

"It's too cold for this," Jeonghan says.

Joshua gapes, and when the next waves comes in he forgets to move out of the way, and only Jeonghan reaching out and pulling him out of the way keeps him from a future drive home with soaked jeans.

"Jeonghan?" Joshua thinks maybe he's hallucinating. "What the hell?"

"Surprise," Jeonghan says. He seems to realize he's still holding Joshua's arm and drops it hurriedly. Joshua aches to snatch it back. Jeonghan is still wearing the bracelet Joshua got him, and when he looks up from staring at it, he catches Jeonghan looking at the earrings Joshua couldn’t make himself take off. 

"What are you doing here?" Joshua’s voice comes out as a croak.

"You don't want to see me?" Jeonghan asks, sounding hurt.

"I didn't say that," Joshua says quickly. Jeonghan's face isn't so unreadable anymore, and Joshua sees the hope take root. It should scare him, because he broke up with Jeonghan for a reason, didn't he? But the longer he was apart from Jeonghan and the harder it was for him to get over it, the more he wondered if he'd made a huge mistake.

And now here Jeonghan is.

"I didn't like how we left it," Jeonghan says. "There are things I wanted to say."

"Like what?" Joshua asks.

"Ah." Jeonghan looks around at the beach. "Maybe somewhere else."

"We could go back to my house," Joshua offers. "Wow. It's weird that you're going to see it."

Jeonghan's face shifts again, and he looks...guilty.

"What?"

"We just came from your house, actually," Jeonghan says sheepishly. "Your mom told us where you were."

Joshua gapes at the conspiracy, and then says, "Wait...we?"

When they walk back up the beach toward Joshua's car, Minghao emerges from behind the snack bar, still closed up for the season. He shrugs at Joshua's outraged look, and then climbs into the backseat of Joshua's car when they tell him they took a Lyft down to the beach.

It's weird as hell to drive the familiar route home with Jeonghan in his passenger seat and Minghao taking pictures out of the back windows. Minghao is in one of his talkative moods, which Joshua knows is purely to stave off the awkwardness between Jeonghan and Joshua, who know what they need to talk about, but can't begin the conversation yet.

"How did you even find the house?" Joshua asks when they get back.

"Seokmin," Minghao says. "Who asked your mom."

"Ah," Joshua says. Betrayals all around.

"Some of my family was coming over for dinner tonight," Joshua explains as they walk through the front door, the house louder than usual. "But there's plenty of food. I'll set extra places."

"I'll help," Jeonghan says immediately. Minghao turns away, but Joshua catches the smile he's trying to hide anyway.

"Okay," Joshua says. "Thanks."

Jeonghan helps him carry extra dishes to the table while Minghao gets chosen by Joshua's mom to help rinse and chop vegetables. Joshua goes to the garage for more chairs, and when he gets back, Jeonghan has been drawn into a conversation with Joshua's dad. They're standing by the windows that look out over the backyard — Joshua's dad is probably going on about his Koi pond, if Jeonghan's patient nodding is anything to go by. Joshua unfolds the chairs and tries to eavesdrop as subtly as possible, but it's a lost cause when his mom follows him from the kitchen with rags.

"Minghao is a nice boy," his mom says as she wipes down a chair. Joshua takes a rag and works on the other chair.

"Jeonghan is too," Joshua says.

His mom hums thoughtfully, and then says, "So he's _not_ the reason for why you've been like this?"

"Mom!"

Jeonghan and Joshua's dad glance over, and Joshua hurriedly switches to English to say, "I haven't been weird." His mom raises an amused eyebrow at him, but lets him get away with the language switch.

"You're my son," she says. "I know when you're being weird."

"Well...I made him sad first," Joshua admits in a mumble. His mom frowns and then reaches up to pat his cheek gently.

"So fix it," she says, and then turns to return to the kitchen. Joshua catches Jeonghan's eye before hurrying to follow her.

Dinner is mostly in Korean, partially because that's how it usually is when they're all together, but mostly for Jeonghan and Minghao's benefit. Joshua runs upstairs quickly to wash his feet and put on warmer socks, and when he gets back downstairs, everyone is seated already. He grabs the only empty seat, between Minghao and one of his uncles, and looks suspiciously at where Jeonghan is sitting adjacent to his mom. He’s definitely not going to be able to hear what they’re talking about, and judging by the conspiratorial looks thrown his way throughout the meal, he knows the embarrassing stories are just rolling out. 

After dinner ends, his family starts to head out, and Joshua tries to escape to the kitchen to help clean up. His mom intercepts him and grabs the sponge out of his hands.

“Mom,” Joshua says. 

“Minghao already said he’d help me,” his mom says. “Such a sweet boy.”

Joshua glares at Minghao as he leaves the kitchen, who only has the audacity to smile angelically. Joshua finds Jeonghan in the living room, with his dad again, and he wonders if his family is really trying to kill him. 

“Do you want to watch the game with your old man?” his dad asks, already flipping the channel to the Dodgers game. Jeonghan looks up at Joshua and stands when he sees Joshua isn’t sitting. 

“We’ll come back down and watch,” Joshua says. “I wanted to show Jeonghan something.”

His dad nods, already immersed in the announcers, and Joshua leads Jeonghan away without any more interruptions. It’s awkwardly quiet as he leads Jeonghan upstairs and down the hall. He pauses when he opens the door to his room and looks back to see Jeonghan lingering in the hall, smiling at one of the pictures hanging on the wall. 

“Oh my god,” Joshua says, hurrying back down the hall and dragging Jeonghan away from the old school picture. “Don’t look at that.”

“Why not?” Jeonghan laughs as Joshua closes the bedroom door behind them. “You’re so cute, Shua-yah.”

The familiar nickname falls from Jeonghan’s lips so easily, and it reminds Joshua of what they came up here to talk about. He drops Jeonghan’s wrist and Jeonghan looks at the ground for a moment before looking around the room. 

“Huh,” he says, and Joshua follows his gaze to the EXO poster on the wall. Joshua barely resists the urge to run over and cover up Suho’s smolder. 

“What did you want to talk about Jeonghan?” Joshua asks, even though it’s pretty obvious. Jeonghan flew halfway around the world to talk about this. 

“I was really upset last time we talked,” Jeonghan says. “I was mad at you too.”

Joshua deserves that, he was the one who broke up with Jeonghan after all, but it’s not like he wasn’t suffering before he did it. He scowls at the carpet. 

“But I understand it,” Jeonghan says, and Joshua finally looks up at him.

“You what?”

“I understand what you were saying,” Jeonghan says. “And I talked about it a lot with Seungcheol and MInghao, and I know I messed up.”

Joshua doesn’t know what to say to that, but Jeonghan’s not done. 

“I didn’t make enough time,” Jeonghan says. “It was so fun spending time with you and so easy, and I thought I could have everything I wanted without consequence, and without putting in a lot of work. But you deserve more than that. You deserved more time and more attention, and I’m sorry it took you breaking up with me for me to realize it.”

“I should’ve worked harder for you, Joshua,” Jeonghan says, looking up and catching Joshua’s gaze. “I _will_ work harder.” He looks away and laughs softly, though he doesn’t sound that amused. “If you give me another chance, that is.”

Joshua blinks, his thoughts going in a million different directions. He wants to say yes — he’s missed Jeonghan so fucking much — and Jeonghan sounds sincere. Joshua really wants to believe him. 

“Oh yeah.” Jeonghan reaches into the pocket of his jeans and holds something out to Joshua. “I got this too. As a promise.”

Joshua takes the item from Jeonghan and stares at it. It’s a small lock, a heart etched into one side of it. The other side is blank, waiting for an inscription. 

“There’s this tower in Seoul,” Jeonghan explains. “For couples. You climb to the top and put the lock on the fence, and your love is supposed to last forever.” He mumbles the last part of his explanation, looking down and scuffing the carpet lightly with his foot. Joshua curls his fingers around the lock and holds it up to his chest. His heart is freaking out, because as usual, it’s already made its decision before Joshua’s thoughts have a chance to catch up. 

“Okay,” Joshua says. 

“Okay…” Jeonghan repeats, and then his head snaps up. “Okay?”

“Let’s try again,” Joshua says. 

Jeonghan starts forward, and Joshua meets him halfway, and if anyone had told him he’d be kissing a K-pop idol in his childhood bedroom one day he’d laugh in their face. Jeonghan kisses him like it’s been months or years since they’ve seen each other, and not just a few weeks, but Joshua is feeling just as desperate. He’s dragged back to reality when there’s a knock on the door, and then Minghao’s peeks his head in sheepishly. 

“Your mom sent me to get you guys,” Minghao says, eyes quickly taking in the grip Jeonghan has on Joshua’s waist and the smiles on both their faces. He smiles and rolls his eyes. “The ice cream will melt. Let’s go.”

They follow Minghao back downstairs hand in hand, and Joshua’s mom smiles when she sees them. She hands Jeonghan an enormous bowl of ice cream and pats him on the cheek before serving the rest of them. Joshua shakes his head as they all settle down on the couch. 

“How did you manage to charm her so quickly,” Joshua says, elbowing Jeonghan as they settle against each other. He wants to kiss Jeonghan again, but this is enough for now. He’s just happy to be next to him. 

“I’m just a natural,” Jeonghan replies. Joshua huffs out a laugh and steals a cherry from the top of Jeonghan’s sundae. Jeonghan smiles and lets him.

*

Jeonghan and Minghao line up their return date to Seoul with Joshua, and his parents drop the three of them off at the airport. Their flights leave at different times, and Jeonghan whines as Joshua’s departure time gets closer, leaning more heavily into Joshua’s side as they sit at Joshua’s gate. 

“It’s like, twelve hours,” Joshua says. 

“Too long.” Jeonghan sighs heavily. “Hey — do you want candy for your flight?”

“I might get some in a bit,” Joshua says. 

“I’ll get it,” Jeonghan says, already jumping to his feet. “I know what you like.”

Joshua watches him go with a smile on his face, but it drops as he looks across the empty seat to look at Minghao. 

“Minghao-yah.”

Minghao hums and tears his eyes away from his phone to look at Joshua. 

“I’m sorry,” Joshua mumbles, looking at his twisting hands in his lap.

“For?”

“For ignoring you after Jeonghan and I…” Joshua gestures helplessly. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Do it again and you’ll die,” Minghao says plainly. “You think I’m only your friend because of Jeonghan-hyung? I thought you were smarter than that.”

“Wow.” Joshua blinks. “Noted.”

“Stupid,” Minghao mutters as he goes back to his phone. Jeonghan returns not long after, proudly presenting a bag full of candy to Joshua. Joshua grins as he takes it, and he wants to kiss Jeonghan so badly right now. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” Jeonghan says, sitting back down. “I can’t do anything about it right now, so just — look away.”

“But I like looking at you,” Joshua sing-songs. Minghao clears his throat loudly. Joshua relaxes back into his seat with a pleased smile on his face, his grin growing when Jeonghan leans back and throws an arm over the back of his seat. 

Joshua doesn’t wait at the airport for Jeonghan and Minghao to land, because it’s still going to be hours until they show up and he’s exhausted. He’s expecting to take a taxi to the house, but he should definitely know his roommates better by now. Seokmin, Wonwoo, and Junhui are all standing in the arrival area, and Joshua hears them before he sees them. They crowd him with hugs and kisses, and grab his bags from him before herding him to Seokmin’s car. 

“How did it go?” Junhui asks, linking his arm through Joshua’s. 

“I think you already know,” Joshua says, knowing full well that Minghao has been keeping Junhui updated on everything. “But good.”

“Happy?” Junhui asks. 

“Yes,” Joshua replies, unable to help the smile that grows. Seokmin and Wonwoo are walking in front of them, glancing back and smiling when they see the smile on Joshua’s face. Joshua feels a burst of happiness — for his friends, his family, for being here in Seoul. It only grows when Seokmin says, “Let’s go eat.”

A few days after they all get back to Seoul, Jeonghan invites Joshua over to the dorms again.

“Are you sure?” Joshua asks more frequently the closer they get. “They all probably hate me.”

“Not possible,” Jeonghan says immediately. “I’m sorry they all stopped talking to you, though. I didn’t know they would do that.”

“Of course they did,” Joshua says. “They’re your friends — your family.”

“They’re your friends too, Shua,” Jeongahn says, pressing closer to Joshua in the back of the taxi. “Stop acting like they aren’t.”

Joshua nods in agreement, though he’s still nervous as hell, and tries to quell the nervous bouncing of his legs. 

There’s no one in the living room when they enter the dorm, but as soon as the door closes behind them and Jeonghan yells out a greeting, Soonyoung comes sliding out of the kitchen. 

“Shua-hyung!” 

Joshua only has a second to brace himself before Soonyoung slams into him, and they go down to the flood in a heap of laughter, Joshua’s padded jacket barely able to cushion the impact. 

“Oh my _god,_” Joshua says through a laugh. “Good to see you too, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung wails into his neck, and tightens his hold around Joshua when Jeonghan grabs his ankle and tries to drag him away.

“Yah, let go!” 

“Never!”

“Let him up!” 

They’re still yelling at each other when Seungcheol appears in the doorway. He’s looking at Joshua with sad eyes, and Joshua abruptly stops laughing. That gets Soonyoung to stop and scramble to his feet. An awkward silence falls around them, only broken when Seungcheol steps forward and offers a hand to Joshua. Joshua takes it and lets himself be pulled up. 

“Hey,” Joshua says awkwardly. He can see Jeonghan inching toward the kitchen, Soonyoung following, and then it’s just Joshua and Seungcheol. 

“Hey,” Seungcheol replies, and then pulls Joshua into a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” they say at the same time. Seungcheol huffs out a laugh and hugs Joshua tighter. 

“He’s my best friend and I thought I was supporting him,” Seungcheol says quietly. “But you’re my best friend too, Shua-yah. And you were also hurting.”

“I did it to myself though,” Joshua says. Seungcheol pulls back and frowns at him. 

“Not really,” Seungcheol says. “It wasn’t just you.”

“And I heard you and Soonyoung argued because of it,” Joshua says. “I’m sorry for that too.”

“We talked it out,” Seungcheol says. “It’s okay now.”

“I’m glad,” Joshua says. 

“Me too,” Seungcheol replies, glancing toward the kitchen. Soonyoung’s face disappears from the doorway from where he’d been eavesdropping. Seungcheol shakes his head fondly. “I hate arguing with him, more than anything.”

Joshua elbows him lightly. “There are other things you prefer doing, right?” 

Seungcheol gapes at Joshua. “How did you—”

“I didn’t know for sure, but you just confirmed it,” Joshua says with a grin. He pats Seungcheol on the cheek and walks into the kitchen. Jeonghan opens his arms for him immediately, and Joshua tucks himself into his rightful place. 

The rest of them come out of their rooms eventually for dinner, each nudging Joshua and exchanging whispered apologies, and Joshua is pretty much emotionally drained by the time Chan makes his appearance. He watches Joshua with narrowed eyes the entire time everyone claims a seat for dinner, and doesn’t say a word. Joshua feels the tension settle across his shoulder blades like a hundred pound weight.

“Dino-yah, please,” Jeonghan says eventually. Everyone else pretends to be extremely focused on their food except for Hansol and Minghao, whose wide eyes are bouncing between Chan, Jeonghan, and Joshua. Chan finally sighs and plops down into the empty seat next to Joshua. 

“Dino, I love you,” Joshua says, shooting Chan finger hearts and trying to make him smile. Chan narrows his eyes further before rolling them and clapping a hand on Joshua’s shoulder, hard. Joshua recognizes the implied threat for what it is, and gulps.

“Love you too, hyung.”

Joshua grins and throws his arms around Chan, who complains and pushes Joshua away, but he allows Joshua to give him the best pieces of meat from the grill and never lets Joshua’s drink get empty, so Joshua knows he’s forgiven. 

Jeonghan’s hand intertwines with Joshua’s under the table, and it makes it more difficult for Joshua to eat his meal, but he’s not letting go for the world. 

*

“Excuse me, do you know how to get to the subway?”

Joshua looks up from his phone and sees an older couple standing in front of him, holding a guidebook with a lost look on their faces. He slips his phone into his pocket and smiles at them. 

“Yeah, you just follow this path down, and then make a left when you get to the street,” Joshua says, pointing them in the right direction. “You’ll see the signs once you leave this area.”

“Thank you so much,” one of the women says. “We got so turned around up here!”

“You’re welcome,” Joshua replies. They leave with a smile and Joshua jumps as Jeonghan announces his return by throwing his arms around Joshua and hugging him as best he can with both hands holding churros. 

“I love you,” Joshua says as he grabs one and bites it immediately.

“Me, or the churro?” Jeonghan asks, walking around so he can see Joshua’s face. 

“Ready to head up?” Joshua asks, heading for the path. 

“Shua!” Jeonghan calls, hurrying after him. “Me, or the churro?!”

It takes them the better part of an hour to make it to the top of the hill. They don’t stop to rest like a lot of couples, because Joshua doesn’t like the look of the couple benches and Jeonghan is already complaining about the cold. Spring is trying its best to bloom, but they’re still getting the occasional cold and windy day. Joshua thought about asking to postpone this trip, but Jeonghan had been so adamant and excited about it that Joshua knew better than to suggest it. 

When they get to the top, they take a minute to catch their breath and take in the view. Joshua sneaks his hand into Jeonghan’s pocket as they stare out at the blue sky and the rooftops of Seoul. 

“Definitely worth it,” Joshua says. “The view is amazing.”

Jeonghan squeezes his hand in response and says, “Yeah it is.”

Joshua looks at him and realizes Jeonghan is looking back, and not at the view at all. 

“Cheesy!” Joshua cries. “Oh my god!”

Jeonghan cackles and drops into a squat, pulling Joshua down with him. 

“Do you have it?” 

Joshua nods and lets go of Jeonghan’s hand to unzip his coat and reach into the inner pocket for the lock that Jeonghan gave him in LA. They’d painstakingly engraved their initials onto it a few days ago, and Joshua has been holding it close ever since. 

“Here,” Joshua says, taking his hand out of his pocket and holding it out to Jeonghan. Jeonghan stares at Joshua’s finger heart for a second before complaining. 

“Aish!” He hits Joshua’s arm lightly, and then again. “Stop playing around!” 

Joshua grins and reaches into his pocket again, actually pulling out the lock this time. Jeonghan shakes his head as he takes it and loops it through an available link on the fence. Joshua reaches out to wrap his hand around Jeonghan’s, and together they click it closed. 

“I already lost the key, so you’re stuck with me now,” Jeonghan says. Joshua laughs again and reaches out with his free hand to pull Jeonghan’s fuzzy hood up. He pulls his own up as well, and then leans in and tugs down Jeonghan’s face mask so he can press a quick kiss to Jeonghan’s lips. He tastes like chapstick and sugar from the churros, and Joshua hums happily as he kisses him again. When he pulls back, Jeonghan is blinking at him with a faraway look in his eyes, almost toppling over when Joshua tests his attention and pokes his shoulder. 

“Alright, enough,” Jeonghan complains as he almost falls over and has to grab onto Joshua for dear life. “My thighs can’t take this.”

Joshua helps him up and replaces his mask for him. Jeonghan takes it upon himself to pull Joshua’s hand until it’s in his pocket, and Joshua grins like a lovesick fool as they start a path around the base of the tower. The thing is — he _is_ lovesick, and he doesn’t really care who knows it. He starts to steer them toward the gift shop, and the sweet shop that he can see through the glass windows, and Jeonghan doesn’t give him any resistance. When Joshua peeks at him, Jeonghan rolls his eyes. 

“Please. You think I don’t know what you want?” 

“I love you, Jeonghan-ah,” Joshua says. It’s not the first time Joshua has said it, after he caved and confessed just a few days after they got back from LA. But he didn’t have any time to be embarrassed or stressed about it, because Jeonghan had confessed right back. 

“I love you too, Shua-yah,” Jeonghan replies, his cheeks turning pink above his face mask. Joshua loves that he knows it’s not just from the cold. “Now, let’s see how much this love will cost me.”

Joshua bumps his shoulder with Jeonghan’s playfully, and they’re both laughing as they step into the sweet shop, hands entwined and hearts filled with love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/guccitaeg) if you wanna see the moodboard or see me lose my shit over the comeback tomorrow! GLITTER JOSH! 💎💖💙. Also, I have a playlist of songs I listened to while writing, so if anyone is interested let me know in the comments and I'll either edit the note here with some song titles or I'll tweet something!

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/guccitaeg) if you wanna see the moodboard or talk about svt or both!! 💎💖💙
> 
> Chapter 2 coming soon~~


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